'I'm leaving him...I want a guy who's rich and cheerful...Why should I have to suffer because his business is bad?'
September 14th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
Ouch. From Ben Stein's recent CNN Money column Tales of the crash of 2007:
"One of my best friends, a blue-eyed, red-haired stunner and a math whiz, is married to a builder and mortgage broker near Naples, Fla. She flew into town, and I had lunch with her today. 'How is your husband taking all this stuff?' I asked her.
"'He doesn't sleep. At most he sleeps from 5 A.M. to 7 A.M. We built two spec homes near Naples. We spent $2.7 million on each of them. We had them listed for $4 million each. We haven't had one prospect in a year. We lowered the price by a million each. Still no prospects. We're losing $60,000 a month on the two of them. My husband has no business. None. The phone never rings.'
"'Horrible,' I said.
"'I'm leaving him,' she said. 'He's grouchy all the time. I want a guy who's rich and cheerful all day and all night. Why should I have to suffer because his business is bad?'
"'He's your husband,' I said. 'You have to stick by him.'
"'Why? I want to laugh and have fun, and he's in a bad mood for months on end. I didn't make this mortgage mess, and I don't see why I should have to suffer for it.'
"'It won't last,' I said. 'It never does.'
"She suddenly looked much more upbeat. 'How long until the market turns around?' she asked expectantly.
"'Maybe six years,' I said.
"She looked staggered. 'That's it,' she sighed. 'I want you to start looking for a rich husband for me who's going to stay rich no matter what. Tell him I'll be a really great wife.'"
Read Stein's full column here. He is pictured above.
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September 14th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Tell me this woman is kidding, please.....! It's a sign of the times, that whilst I suspect she is, I'm not 100% sure.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Mark Rudov predicted EXACTLY this, and got HELL for it on Fox when he debated a feminist on the topic.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
(Dang it, it's "Marc", not "Mark". He's already sent me one email correcting me, you'd think I'd get it right eventually...)
September 14th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Marc Rodov would be ok, if only he'd stop talking about women. It's embarrassing to see a grown man to carry on like that.
September 14th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
'In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer'. My children's mother dumped me for both.
When I call my children, I refer to it as calling 'the Death Star', ala the home of the Evil Empire in Star Wars. ** Children are treated like things, like property by women, why should we be surprised that men and fathers are treated this way as well in these man-hating/men are irrelevant times?
Mike
September 14th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
It sounds from the context like she's kidding, thank God. Still, I've known a couple of women who would have done that for real.
September 14th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Context, schmontext... why wouldn't you take it on face value? Anyway, it sounds like Mr. Stein wasn't sure. Economic depressions are trials for the soul, and try the morality of the sufferer.
September 14th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
How many men in this country are dating a woman right now who would leave them in a heartbeat if she learned that he was shortly going to lose all of his assets and income potential?
Makes one wonder if it might not be a good test to put that woman through?
Shouldn't be too hard to simulate, no matter what one's profession or business. Finding out now whether she has a conscience could save one from a lifetime of pain and agony, including the future loss of one's children, home and earnings.
If she leaves you now when she thinks you are becoming penniless, you can be certain that she doesn't care about you at all, and she will likely leave you later when she's gotten what she wants -- or when she finds the timing right to get what she wants with the court's assistance.
If she sticks by you, then maybe you have a keeper. It seems that keeping up a well planned "I lost it all" charade for a month or two would be a pretty good test. If she suddely needs to spend more time with her girlfriends, that will tell you something, won't it?
In either case, you might learn something about her that you didn't know.
Like how loyal she is to you, or how loyal she is to your money.
September 14th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Then again, she might just ditch you for playing head games with her. I have yet to meet a woman who appreciates that. The best you can do is make sure you know her as well as possible before you marry her. Beyond that, ya rolls the dice, ya takes yer chances.
September 15th, 2007 at 12:51 am
There are some pretty simple ways to avoid this sort of thing:
1.Don't talk about the specifics of what you do or your money.
2.Refuse to continue to date women that don't have their own career ambitions.
3.Refuse to continue to date women that won't pick up the check 50 percent of the time or go Dutch.
4.If she asks for money before the engagement end it ASAP
This is one of those situations that I have to say many men put themselves in. You can hardly be surprised that you attract golddiggers if your attempts to attract women revolve around flaunting your money. A distrubingly large number of guys I know do just this. Or look for warning signs and check your ego from time to time. If you're a dumpy 42 year old with a great job and she's a knock out 24 year old working at Starbucks the reality is the attraction isn't you. A lot of guys get their ego kicks thinking it is, but their comes a time when pride must fall to reality. That reality is simple, it's not you, it's the money.
September 15th, 2007 at 3:29 am
While this may be a joke, Jack Kammer quotes a very similar example in "If Men Have All the Power....", which was clearly genuine.
September 15th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
"How many men in this country are dating a woman right now who would leave them in a heartbeat if she learned that he was shortly going to lose all of his assets and income potential?"
It would be interesting to compare that number with this one: the number of women in this country who are dating a man right now who would leave them in a heartbeat if he learned that she was shortly going to get fat.
September 15th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Fatness is controlable. Sometimes the wan and wane of fortunes is not.
September 15th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
I would say both have controllable elements and uncontrollable ones. For instance, I'm a guy with a thin bone structure and fast metabolism. I probably couldn't get fat if I tried. Some men and women, however, struggle with their weight their whole lives. With the long-term failure rate for weight loss so high, I question how controllable it is. Then again, I concede that prevention may be easier than reversal of weight gain. Many women, though, are completely unprepared for the sudden change in metabolism that pregnancy can bring.
Regardless, my quandary was not entirely rhetorical. I would be genuinely interested in the results of a study like that.
September 15th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Joel,
One "headgame" to be concerned about might be the one which she could be playing with you.
Let's say you own a company which you have worked your entire adult life to build. You have lots of employees to whom you are loyal. You have some partners too, but you are the majority shareholder.
And then some doe-eyed beauty suddenly appears in your life.
Are you prepared to put the futures of all your employees, all of your partners, all of these people with whom you have a much longer relationship than that you have with the recently arrived doe-eyed beauty? Are you?
If you have a sense of responsiblity towards others, you might want to consider that you might, just might be incorrect abouth Miss Doe-Eyes. And if you are, lots of people could get hurt.
In America, the family courts think that they are in charge of your life, your assets, and even your businesses -- if you commit the apparent crime of becoming a father -- you don't even need to be married to the mother for them to do this to you -- and to all the people who depend upon you. And if you have other children, the stakes are that much higher.
My advice: In the very ugly world which U.S. family courts have made for American men, no man should be so arrogant as to think he can outsmart a few million years of evolution of the opposite sex with all of his "judgement" about people in general, or women in particular.
And please don't respond with some suggestion about pre-nups -- it will save me having to detail how worthless these can be under a wide range of likely scenarios -- not to mention how much it will cost you to pay her legal fees while the finest fleet of lawyers that YOUR money can buy is hired by her, to shred the pre-nup which she signed.
My advice: marry when you are poor and have no prospects, otherwise, figure out a way to test out what you are really dealing with. The stakes have never been higher in this country on this issue than they are today.
September 15th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
I'm sure glad she's going to open a successful business to support him. This will stop her suffering. How could he be so grumpy with such a cheerful and supportive free-loader.
September 15th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
"Tell him I'll be a really great wife." Make sure he knows my love is entirely conditional. I really, truely love you Money er.. I mean Honey.
September 15th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
My mom always said to me, "you find out who your real friends are in the BAD times, not the good times." Materialism is such a big part of the Womans movement.
September 16th, 2007 at 1:13 am
"My advice: In the very ugly world which U.S. family courts have made for American men, no man should be so arrogant as to think he can outsmart a few million years of evolution of the opposite sex with all of his "judgement" about people in general, or women in particular."
I agree. And I wasn't thinking of pre-nups. Fortunately, I married my wife when I was dirt-poor. And even though I've mostly stayed that way, she hasn't run off with a richer man yet. :)
September 17th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Ahhh, America the home of the brave and the land of the free! If you are a woman you are free to steal from your domestic partner, in fact the courts actually sanction it.
AnonymousPampleteer (September 15th) is absolutely correct - the family court system is unashamedly biased toward women – I know I could have taken advantage of it in my divorce but chose not to despite advice from everyone to “stick it to him”.
There are several ways in which men (or the occasional woman) can protect themselves against state-sanctioned theft – the most important one being finding the “right” partner – notice I didn’t say “wife”.
The other, as AnonymousPampleteer, notes is to be “asset poor” from the outset and remain that way for ever – a rather depressing thought.
Another method, apparently, is to hide your assets, ie the ones which are legally yours - remember, in many states that any assets you acquire during marriage are subject to community property judgments. There has been a huge increase in “off shore” accounts in the last few years. Some have speculated that this has nothing to do with tax evasion, rather it is the result of American (and British) family law. The bankers all admit that the majority of this new money is due, either directly or indirectly, to the actions of family courts.
Living trusts also deal effectively with avaricious wives (or lazy good for nothing husbands for that matter). Through such trusts, your children receive the benefits of your (or your family’s) hard work rather than your ex.
Unfortunately, if you have managed to acquire anything in life, there is a lawyer out there who will be all too pleased to relieve you of it – and this is all perfectly legal – in fact, as I noted above, it is actually sanctioned by the civil courts. In this country you need a different bunch of lawyers to help you protect your hard-earned gains against the first bunch. The bottom line is that, as citizens, we don’t speak up when the rot sets in. We only get excited when we are directly affected. There is a lesson here - we should speak up at EVERY juncture in which the “law” is unreasonable, whether it be family law, torts or constitutional.
It is ashamed that America has come to this. You have lawyers and judges, especially those who have contempt for the Constitution, to thank for this. Stand up and speak out in defense of reasonable laws and be strident in your criticism of unreasonable ones - EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.
By the way, congratulations Joel!
September 18th, 2007 at 12:12 am
Redaction - a shame.
September 18th, 2007 at 2:25 am
Females do it all the time. The sad thing is once she gets tired of the next rich guy, she'll find another. Money only makes one happy for awhile. Hopefully all you men head this warning. If she after money run as fast as you can.
September 18th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Don't be surpized, guys. Want to know the state of American women? Go to any of the many "Cheating Wives" singles search engines in your backyards. There, you'll find pictures and contact info from thousands of "fair-weather, unfaithful" wives who claim they're starved for attention from their hard-working husbands or -- worse yet -- their husbands stuck in the Armed forces overseas. While the "Cats" are away, these mice want YOU to take them out, romance them, seduce them, etc. so they don't have to be bored or alone. This is the future, guys, and it sucks.
September 18th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Celia,
Excellent sentiments. You've got it right. For more information about just how screwed up things are in the good ole US of A, google "America: From Freedom to Fascism" and watch the sanctioned documentary by the late Aaron Russo. It's a real eye-opener.
September 18th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I've had dates from this woman's sisters. I've actually had two women give me a Dear John simply because I wouldn't fully support them in their non-work endeavors.
I hate to put this one on men. They look at a pretty girl and give her what she wants.
September 18th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Marrying a modern, mercenary American woman seems to be the biggest mistake a man could make.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
"Welfare mothers make better lovers"-- Neil Young
September 20th, 2007 at 7:02 am
I wonder if Mr. Stein felt compelled to tell the husband of his "friend" (I question his taste in friends, by the way) what she's planning.
Yes, she'll make a very good wife, indeed. It would be funny were it not so upsetting.
September 20th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Jon - there are plenty of cheating husbands as well. Take a look on Craigslist once in a while.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Carlotta- Shop there often? Craigslist!
September 20th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I just read the full article, I think there is a good chance that the woman is kidding. Ben Stein put in parenthesis that she has a killer sense of humor. I apologize if somebody already posted this. There are plenty of bad women and men out there but not all of them are that way. Choose wisely. It is still a gamble though. Such is life.
September 20th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Yeah, well.... for all you apologizing for her or making comments that she didn't mean it, consider my case. I was married for 5 years, had two beautiful children and was then then diagnosed with stage IV cancer. Within 5 months, my wife said something similar to what's quoted here, packed up the kids and left...while I was on chemo no less. She then accused me of mentally abusing her. It's still working through the courts. Her attorney keeps delaying things in hopes I will die in the meantime so she will "inherit" everything. In the mean time, she is unemployed living with her boyfriend who is also unemployed and they both are living on the child support I pay for my two kids. Women have degenerated into predatory animals worse than men ever were. There's no question about it in my mind.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
To those who say there plenty of men who cheat are probabably right. However we are more likely to be made known about men who cheat on their wives than we are about women who cheat on their husbands, thanks to the anti-male left-wing bias in mainstream media. For the last 25 years now men have been regularly criticised for everything just as women have been regularly praised. If women are so wonderful and men are so terrible, why even have any men at all. I have heard that it is possible for women to reproduce without involving men.
September 30th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Good points Glenn. I was recently having a lively “discussion” (well heated argument actually) with one of my “feminist” friends. The discussion point was ‘risk taking’. I suggested that we as a species have embraced risk taking as an inherent and necessary part of life, one that, even if incrementally (and thus only discernable over time), has benefited society at large. I also suggested that men were more likely than women to take risks, not just for themselves, but often for the good of society at large (eg service in war zones, rescue work etc). She countered with, “men enjoy risky behavior.” My argument came back to ‘risk’ being of overall benefit (without risk we would still be living in caves, with 30-year life spans and 80 percent child mortality rates). Are we really so blind? Why criticise those who have done the vast majority of the risky work getting us out of the caves? I also mentioned to her, not as a criticism but merely an observation, that women were far less likely to engage in these beneficial risk taking activities – and probably always had been. She asked for an example from the past that might support my contention. I wasn’t prepared for this but off the top of my head I asked her to name all great women explorers. No names came to mind (from either of us – I ‘m still looking). Her explanation for this was the hackneyed one of male domination – she told me that men wanted to do the exploring and kept this activity for themselves and that the same was true today – ie men still want to keep women in their place! It makes you wonder where this vitriol (BS actually) comes from. The point of this post is that she is a columnist for a newspaper with a significant national distribution – with delusional convictions like hers it is not really surprising that the media is so biased against (and too often critical of) men.
October 1st, 2007 at 11:01 pm
“men enjoy risky behavior.” This reminds me of when they say men go to war because they are naturally violent. When credit is due nullify and add insult.