A man who was kind enough to donate his sperm to a lesbian couple has now--18 years later--been stabbed in the back and hit up for child support. According to the New York Post: "A sperm donor who sent gifts signed 'Dad' to his biological son has been slapped with a child-support order, 18 years after helping his friend get pregnant. "The Nassau County man donated his sperm to a work colleague, and included his name on the child's birth certificate, saying it would give the boy an identity, courts documents revealed. "He then blurred the lines between donor and full-time father by sending money, presents and cards signed 'Dad' and 'Daddy,' and having phone chats with the now college-bound teen. "But the man's goodwill backfired: A court ruling says he is now liable for financial support of the 18-year-old, who lives with his mother in Oregon. "'It really is no good deed goes unpunished,' said the man's lawyer, Deborah Kelly of Potrush and Daab in Garden City... "'He was assured that he would have no responsibility on his part and of course 18 years has elapsed where there hasn't been responsibility,' she said. "'He did not anticipate this would happen now, when the child is almost an adult, that the mother would come forward for child support.' "She said her client had requested a DNA test, 'because we have no concrete evidence he is the father.' "Nassau County Family Court judge Ellen Greenberg ruled Nov. 16 against a paternity test, saying it would have a traumatic effect on the child. "The child signed an affidavit stating that he has 'never known anyone other than [the man] to be his father,' according to court documents. "If payments were to go ahead, the child support would be determined based on the mother's earning capacity; the reported income of her partner, who is also a doctor; and the father's income... "The father said he had contact with the child from his birth until 1993, when the lesbian couple and his son moved to Oregon, according to court documents. From then the contact dropped to seven phone calls in the past 15 years and one meeting for a few hours three years ago." A few points: 1) Incredibly, the court won't even allow him to have a DNA test to confirm that he really is the father. 2) According to the Post, "The child signed an affidavit stating that he has "never known anyone other than [the man] to be his father." One wonders what pressure his mother may have put on him to sign this and be a part of this scam. 3) The boy is 18--he's no longer a child, and nobody should be required to pay child support for him. This is a court-ordered double-standard--as a married father, my wife and I are not legally required to give my son a dime when he's 18. 4) The kicker is "If payments were to go ahead, the child support would be determined based on the mother's earning capacity; the reported income of her partner, who is also a doctor; and the father's income." So it's not enough for the biological mother to have her own income and be supported by her lesbian partner, who is also a doctor--she needs to suck money out of yet another person to pay for this. I'm sure in any other aspect, the biological mother would fiercely assert that her lesbian partner fills the second parent/parental role for the boy, and that he doesn't need nor ever did need a father. Yet somehow when it comes to child support, her lesbian partner means nothing, and she's got to go get money from a man. The full New York Post article can be seen here.
Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families