From A Bundle of Joy Isn’t Enough? (New York Times, 12/6/07):

"WHEN Jena Slosberg of Bedford, N.H., gave birth in March, she endured a labor that lasted 17 hours. But her discomfort was ultimately worth it, quite apart from the arrival of her daughter, Marin. In the recovery room, her husband, Paul, presented her with a pair of diamond earrings.

"'I was on cloud nine,' Ms. Slosberg said. 'It was the perfect present to make a frazzled, sleep-deprived, first-time mommy feel absolutely glamorous.'

"She added, 'I wonder what 17 hours of labor will get me next time?'

"In a more innocent age, new mothers generally considered their babies to be the greatest gift imaginable. Today, they are likely to want some sort of tangible bonus as well.

"This bonus goes by various names. Some call it the 'baby mama gift.' Others refer to it as the 'baby bauble.' But it’s most popularly known as the 'push present.'

"That’s 'push' as in, 'I the mother, having been through the wringer and pushed out this blessed event, hereby claim my reward.' Or 'push' as in, 'I’ve delivered something special and now I’m pushing you, my husband/boyfriend, to follow suit.'

“It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something...Push presents seem to have taken off within the last decade, particularly in the last couple of years. In 2005 the Southeast-based jewelry chain Mayors marketed diamond earrings with the tag line, 'She delivered your first born; now give her twins.' Fortunoff, the jewelry and gift chain with a Fifth Avenue flagship, established a push present registry six months ago'...

"Michael Toback, a jewelry supplier in Manhattan’s diamond district, traces the practice to a new posture of assertiveness by women. "You know, 'Honey, you wanted this child as much as I did. So I want this [push present],"' he said..."

A few thoughts:

1) If this gift is about love, if it is about a man wanting to give his wife something special to show his appreciation, then I'm 100% for it.

2) If instead the gift is yet one more obligation, another example of why she has it so hard and he has it so easy, why he could never understand how much she suffers, why she's good and he's bad, and dammit isn't it the least he could do for her, well, then count me out. Men already have to deal with way too much minimization of their contributions to their families, along with exaggeration of women's contributions. In this particular instance, of course, the woman's contribution is tremendous.  In most cases, it is no more (and no less) than the man's contribution.

To learn more about men and women's relative contributions to their families, see my co-authored column Are American Husbands Slackers? (Tallahassee Democrat, 3/22/06).

This entry was posted on Monday, December 17th, 2007 at 11:00 am and is filed under Marriage. You can trackback from your own site.