Sorry Hugh Hefner, but Women Shouldn't Create Fatherless Kids--and You Shouldn't Either
January 22nd, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
Background: The issue of Single Motherhood by Choice has been getting a good deal of press lately. For some examples, see There's no shame in going solo, says mum (Guardian Unlimited, UK, 11/4/07) and Knocking Yourself Up--The ongoing debate over going it alone (Newsweek, 11/5/07). To watch me debate Single Motherhood by Choice on Fox's nationally-syndicated Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, click here. To learn more about Single Motherhood by Choice, click here.
To learn more about what research says about the importance of fathers, see my co-authored columns Why Dads Matter (Houston Chronicle, 6/18/06) and Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls Tells an Important Truth About African-American Fathers (Los Angeles Watts Times, 6/14/07).
Hugh Hefner, 81, apparently is going to selfishly crank out a soon-to-be-fatherless child with Playmate Holly Madison, one of his girlfriends. According to the World Entertainment News Network:
"Playboy boss Hugh Hefner is apparently finally willing to grant girlfriend Holly Madison's wish of becoming a mother by agreeing to seek fertility treatment.
"Madison has regularly expressed her desire to become a mother on the hit reality TV show The Girls Next Door.
"And it seems the magazine mogul has agreed to become a father for the fifth time.
"According to Hollywood gossip columnist Janet Charlton, the 81-year-old and Madison were spotted visiting a Beverly Hills gynaecologist who specializes in vitro fertilization."
I'm sure Hugh and Holly will assure us that all will be well because the child will be well-provided for financially. In reality, research shows that children in single mother families suffer from not having a father, regardless of income.
Research amply demonstrates that, even when adjusted for income, the rates of juvenile crime, school dropouts, youth drug abuse and teen pregnancy are tightly correlated with fatherlessness. Male parenting is different from female parenting, and is equally important for children.
"));
19 queries. 0.355 seconds.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:09 pm
It is ironic in the extreme that the "Hef," macho pioneer in the Playboy philosphy of men's liberation to explore the sexual frontier of infinite poontang, ends his life as a mere sperm donor with a big balloon payment when he's dead.
What a silly schmuck.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:20 am
Two things. First the age difference definetely creeps me out. She's like 25 and he's like 81, it's just weird to me on so many levels.
Second, he ain't gonna be around for much longer, and what kid wants to say my dad died of old in elementary school? Just because men are able to procreate after women lose the ability to doesn't mean we should.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 am
Since both father and mother seem in concert in this action, then this is freedom. It is not for us to decide if they have a child.
I hope (for their sake) no one ever tries to tell me that I or my children are not allowed to breed.
Nothing has ever lead me to believe that Hugh Hefner was an idiot. I don't know what kind of a father Hugh has been in his life, but if I was in the kid's shoes in the years to come, and someone asked me how I felt about my father's decision to father me, I would feel damn glad to be alive! If I were not, then it would be a simple matter to correct the mistake....
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:03 am
If they want to have a child, by all means they should be allowed to do so.
If and when something happens to Mr. Hefner and he passes on, hopefully the mother of his child will remarry a suitable man and then the child will continue to have a more "normal" upbringing.
I'm sorry but at this point in life it seems like I have seen everything and, if they have the means and the love to support a child and to give this child a good home and upbringing, then let them.
Just my opinion.
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 am
Re: the last sentence contained in the last paragraph.
"Male parenting is different from female parenting,and is equally important for children"
If this were the case family law wouldn't be biased against fathers & their children.
But family law issues are centered around much the same as "Playmate" Holly Madison's.
Children the pawns - fathers the victims - and to government & lawyers ( and women by extention ) the spoils.
It's all about money. (...In the best interest of the children of course.)
Though I should point out that people like Hugh Hefner clearly view themselves as the exception to any & all rules that the rest of us are governed by...he is after all, a celeb with more money than God & this is America where anything & everything is possible but I doubt that he'll be any more effective as a father at age 81 than when he was a husband at 31.
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:10 am
I was raised by a single mom. I'm raising my daughter the same way, (by the fathers choice I a may point out.) I'm doing fine. Though some part of me has always wished that I could have known my father, I'm doing okay.
Don't missunderstand me. I'm not saying that a father isn't important. But if these two people both agree, then I'm sure the child will be brought up in a loving home. I think it's hard raising a child alone, but if your desire to bear is that strong, then no one should be able to say that you can't.
By the way, Heff's oldest daughter runs PlayGirl, and she says that she has a great relationship with her father. So, he was a pretty good dad. I bet he'll want to be more involved in the kids life.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
Glenn I feel for you on that show. They set you up as a troublemaker before you even speak, and then have a six against one.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Ruby - he might well want to be 'more involved in the kids life' but he'll find that hard to achieve when he's 6 feet under which, given his age and lifestyle, isn't a prospect that's too far in the future.
The point that Glenn, and the others above, are making is that he is intentionally creating a situation where his 5th child is going to grow up without him being around - not through abandonment by him, but because he'll be dead!
That's not a responsible position for an adult to take.
I'd say he needs to grow up, but current evidence suggests that that's as unlikely as him seeing the kid's 10th Birthday.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
Boys in particular need either their fathers, or at least some male role models.
As of late, generally speaking, we have conditioned our male teachers to focus on the girls educations , girls struggles, girls choices (which is fine), but not at the cost of near abandonment of our boys.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
Although I agree,
"Second, he ain't gonna be around for much longer, and what kid wants to say my dad died of old in elementary school?"
That can easily be countered with "My dad was Hugh Hefner" and he'd get lots of ooohs and aaaahs in return.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:39 am
I'm not sure I agree that boys in particular need fathers and male role models. I think it is equally important for both sexes.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
Ruby, I think you might be thinking Christie Hefner. She is the CEO of Playboy not Playgirl. I always thought that this must be an interesting family. She is also married to an Illinois state senator.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
Yeah Playboy is run by Hefner's daughter. Ironic that for how much porn supposedly degrades women, a woman is running the show.
I would say that although positive male and female role models are vital for either sex. Boys definately need male ones more than girls do. How can a boy model himself on his mother? For all the talk of socialisation there are biological genders, and children as young as one year recognise that. A young boy with find it a lot harder to emulate a woman than a man, simply because he is more similar to the man.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Of course there are biological differences, and of course some of the reasons why a father is important to a son are different to some of the reasons why a father is important to a daughter. And some of them are the same. Probably Callum is right that the one given above is one of the differences, although I think a parent of the opposite sex does provide some role model qualities.
Also the argument gives the implicit conclusion that fathers are more important sons than mothers are to sons. Which I oppose.
Maybe I was too hasty to suggest the values are equal; it might be better to say they cannot be compared (but I'm not sure).
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Well Hef appears to be in good health and with having lots of money he may see 100. It seems unlikely.
From what I have seen of "The Girls Next Door" (sort of like the carton of milk you think might be bad but you don't want to smell it or take the chance of throwing out 'good' milk so you put it back and wait a couple of more days till you are SURE it is bad and smell it anyway. You leave it on "for just a minute." And now I can't look at a picture of any playmate without hearing Holly's annoying nasal voice or thinking "I hope she is brighter than Kendra." It sucks you in with all the jiggly girls and you can't look away. But those girls are so vapid. I'm always thinking, "Hef you haven't got enough over the years? You are willing to put up with this? Don't you want some peace and quiet in your old age?" And this little voice is yelling in my head turn it off. NOW. NOW. But I can not look away.) part of me thinks Holly has a naive idea that this will boot the other girls out and make her 'the one.'
And when she and the child don't become the be all end all of Hef's world well, we've seen that movie haven't we?
This is also the tough part of America isn't it? Can't really see this as morally right except Hef might live quite a while longer but it isn't my choice is it? If it was I wouldn't want someone taking it away.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
The perfect solution to this dilemma would be for Hef to inseminate Gloria Steinem and then they could have the fertilized embryo extracted and implanted in Madonna's uterus to carry it to term.
That way, every gender wins.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
At least ol' Hugh is a voluntary father. That said, this is so wrong on so many levels ... .
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Hugh Hefner is just like feminists in that he sees 'breaking down' the traditional family as no problem. If only his arrogance could be rewarded with him waking up in the worst part of of Rampart or South Central LA (may be the same place) inside his transplanted Playboy Mansion to the sound of gunshots and the like. Then he might BEGIN to figure out that fatherhood is not mostly about being a rich guy whose primary 'gift' to his children is his ability to financially support them.
Mike
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
callum: "Yeah Playboy is run by Hefner's daughter. Ironic that for how much porn supposedly degrades women, a woman is running the show.
Good point - though in my experience many (most?) progressive and well educated women are fine with porn. I think what happened is in their zeal to release women from the so-called "bondage" of sexual submission, what feminists really did was waken the desires that were already present in women. And that did they find, much to the chagrin of anti-porn feminists? Women actually LIKE porn. And why shouldn't they? Hence why you see that while porn is still frowned upon by many feminists, they really can't attack porn with such gusto anymore because it is not a male-only form of entertainment. To do so they are caught between a rock and a hard place: if they want women to have choices (which was the stated goal of feminism), then how can they attack women for making these choices?
In terms of the mainstream porn industry, it is gone through serious changes in the past few years in large part because women have a much larger say in what makes entertainment. While it used to be about entertaining men in dark, smokey rooms - it is now about entertaining couples out to have a bit o' fun with a little fantasy. There are more female directors and female producers then ever before, and the performers have a much greater say in how their "product" is presented.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Hugh Hefner is a pervert. It's even sadder that he is a role-model too. Now I understand why people were prudish back in the day. This anything goes nation is the result of free love that isn't really free. Hugh, feminism and the media together created a monster. I feel sorry for his kid.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Good point Lance. I don't think porn is degrading to women per se, what is degrading is when the girl (ie the 'actress') is not in complete control. So if she is having sex with a horse, there is probably a coercive and therefore degrading element (but maybe not, who knows).
On a more general note, an argument that occurs to me is that anyone getting naked and performing sex acts in front of a camera not for private use is degrading themselves, man or woman. It is more degrading to a certain party (man or woman) is if they are not in control. Even if it is degrading to all concerned, I wouldn't infringe on individual freedoms by banning it.
Also there is probably a difference between degrading to the woman in particular, and degrading to all women (or men).
Joe Rogan on Hugh Heffner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvPW8lTI3No
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
It should be obvious why his head hoe wants to have a child. Money, money, money. She's been nagging him for years to have a child, and it looks like the old cook has finally broken down and agreed. Once she becomes pregnant she will be able to cement herself as a permanent fixture in the playboy mansion and won't have to worry about heff kicking her out for being a scumbag.
Mark my words; once this parasite has the baby she'll turn into a complete scumbag and do whatever she wants including: staying out drinking, screwing other guys, not putting out, etc. And she'll tell Heff to his face that if he doesn't like it then too bad! Why Heff would give up all of his power and leave himself at the mercy of this vulture is truly beyond me. He must have finally become senile.
It should go with out saying that if Heff was 20 instead of 80 this woman would have already become "accidentally" pregnant by now.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Silly Silly Heff....at 81 it's almost over for him....where will he end up for eternal life?? Hell no doubt.
For those who don't believe(who cares) for those who are not sure....Look at the signs and wonders.
Where would you like to spend your eternal life.
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Ya know, I wiki'd Hef, his kids and the model and I haven't found anything really bad. Hef's Libertarian, his first daughter is well educated and had great grades, they do not allow any illegal drugs of any sort on their property, and they fund higher education heavily.
The mom-to-be is in to PETA, which is HATED by feminists, and seems to try to be a 'good' person, if a bit liberal. It looks like she didn't finish college because she got recruited by Hef, but that's about the worst thing I found, from my perspective.
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 pm
You gotta admit that it is incredibly funny that the guy who made his millions by being the first respectable pornographer is ending his days by being the poster boy for geriatric pussy-addicted old farts!
I'll bet Hef has already frozen his sperm to inseminate his next 100 bunnies even after he's gone!
That man has not changed or evolved since he was 21. Still chasing the same strange.....
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Thanks for the fact correction, guys.
And, It's not the must responcible thing for him to do, but they're both happy. The kids will be brought up by a mom who wanted it, and who loves it. I don't have a clue if she's after money or not. I just would like to think that the child will be loved. Beyond that , if both parties are consenting, what does it matter?
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
"Hef's Libertarian..."
He can't be that bad of a guy then. ;)
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
RubyThea, I don't believe there is very much love involved here. I believe we have two extremely selfish adults and a child with an unstable future. If Hugh Hefner didn't have money the blond gold digger would be hunting down a different sugar daddy. Also, gold diggers make lousy moms because their focus is too narrow to include taking care of their child. Hugh is out to prove that he still has it in him and should know better. They are a pathetic couple. I feel so sorry for that child.
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:11 pm
We don't know that she's only after money. Even if she is, we don't really have the right to condem what she's doing. I say we should wait and see how the child is raised before we start laying blaim. Sometimes it's hard for even me to believe, but some women aren't out for every penny they can get.
Some just honestly want to be mothers. And, with everybody and their sister saying that being a single mom is a-okay, who can blaim her for not thinking she's hurting her future kids by setting it up to never have a dad.
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I don't want to be mean, but Anna Nicole's place in the universe HAD to be taken by someone.
You de$erve to be happy Holly. $o what if he'$ only going to be around for maybe another two year$ and hi$ child will never know him. I $upport your deci$ion 100 Million, I mean 100 percent. I know you really do love Heff and wor$hip him with all your $pirit.
I know, I'm going to hell for that.
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:45 pm
lol, Amy well done.
January 24th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Selfish People...
Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison are very selfish and irresponsible people....
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Not sure why she or any other young woman would choose a man so old to father her child. But, having a child while unmarried isn't unselfish in and of itself. Deliberately keeping your child from a relationship with the other parent is selfish. Being a single mom doesn't mean you don't want your child's father in his/her life.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Sperm must last a long time when it is kept in the fridge. Poor Holly, this must be left over from the mid 1980's when Carrie Leigh past it on to Kimberly and now it is past on to the next generation. Maybe since it has only been used twice by Kimberly there is still enough for Holly. But wait, why is it taking so long, did it in fact dry up?
March 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am
What business is it of anyones other than the couple concerned?
March 20th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Holy Madison is just a gold digger, just look at history. Kimberly Hefner, Gold Digger, lives next door with two children (from Hef) along with a live in girlfriend. Christie Hefner runs Playboy, although it appears not that well, (again Hefner's sperm)) so, be it as it may it appears as if anyone that uses his sperm in a positive way (to make children) can live off the shareholders money. I just wonder how much sperm the old man banked and how long will it be available. Sure would like to use some myself I need the money.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Someone said porn must not be degrading to women because a woman runs playboy??
Whats that got to do with it???
Just because some woman runs the thing does not mean its not degrading to women.
Men do lots of stuff thats degrading to other men.
June 16th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I agree with Dean's World.
Hugh Hefner should take responsibility for what comes out of his body. He has taken the easy way out and can't complain if - for unlikely example - Holly Madison raises the child to hate everything Hefner stands for. He has disempowered himself and inflamed everyone who likes to think that fathers are irrelevant.
Holly Madison is responsible for what comes out of her body too. It's going to come as a big shock when she finds out that this accessory to her life style won't go back in the drawer when she wants to put it away.
Nobody in this sorry episode emerges with much credit - and the person who has the least choice in in all is the one who is created by it.
On the subject of porn, if you make money from exploiting the active nature of men's sexual impulse, you are exploiting men. If you rob women of the choice of participating in porn (either through force or economic necessity), you are exploiting women. You can do both at the same time - they're not mutually exclusive. Never pay for porn - if you do, you help the exploiters of both men and women. There's plenty of free amateur stuff out there - and it's much more erotic because the people involved are clearly loving it.