Have You Been Alienated from Your Children? Reporter Looking for Fathers Who Are/Have Been Targets of Parental Alienation
January 20th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & FamiliesI was recently contacted by a reporter who is looking for fathers who fit the following profile:
1) You have been alienated from your children after a divorce or separation.
2) You live in the greater Los Angeles area.
You do not need to use your full name with the reporter. If this is you, please send me your name, phone number, and a brief (100 words max) description of yourself by clicking here.
[Note: Thanks to all those who responded to my request last month for struggling married couples. The show I was recruiting you for was Inside Edition, and the couple from my list appeared on the show January 9. Thanks also to all those who responded to my October request for Texas dads with child support issues. Three of those who responded to our notice appeared on a Fox Houston TV special on dads and child support on November 5. To watch that show, click here.]
The superb cartoon above is by Alex Gregory of The New Yorker.
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January 20th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Glenn, it's great that you are raising awareness among the general public on such matters through stand-alone, topic-focussed reportage.
It is even better that you are leveraging your efforts by facilitating multiple reporters working across multiple media channels in raising awareness of these topics.
Each one of these you enable is one more piton driven deeply into the rockface wall which fathers and their children must scale in order to right the wrongs perpetrated by America's family courts upon its citizens and our children.
January 20th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
This MRM just keeps on growing. Keep up the good work Glenn. The more exposure given to PAS the better.
January 20th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I suspect that many gender-feminists like to criticise PAS as a misognynist ploy. But the truth is that the phrase "parental alienation syndrome" is a gender neutral phrase...........unlike "battered woman's syndrome" which is NOT gender neutral. Sounds to me it is the gender-feminists with the misandrist ploy.
Masculist XY
January 20th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
It is a gender neutral phrase, just like "back-stabbing" is a gender neutral phrase.
What makes it more likely to be used against fathers by mothers -- just like it's adult equivalent of backstabbing -- is that it works best when applied against someone who is not around to defend themselves from false propaganda -- like most fathers become "not around" after the corrupt Amercan family courts get involved and award "temporary custody" to the mother, not matter how many DSM IV diagnostic criteria she meets. And if she meets some of them, which include attributes like "highly manipulative", PAS -- or if you like an old-fashioned "syndrome" which no human being would deny exists, "backstabbing" -- is certainly very likely.
Especially after the courts and their beloved money-whore lawyers start making both parents compete in the usual trumped-up war to not lose access to their children. Of course some people will try to turn the children against the other parent. Propaganda is always a component of war. In this case, a type of war promoted by private-lawyer infested, and morally corrupt American family courts.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I hear even the American Psychological Association acknowledges PAS as a legitimate grievance. Is this true?
Masculist XY
January 21st, 2008 at 9:53 am
'Last I heard, APA was still sitting on the fence. The PA-deniers gleefully interpret this as "discrediting" it, but, as I have said before, PAS-deniers are not interested in the truth.
The parent who is alienated, is called the "target parent". As a target parent myself, I have done some considerable looking around to check out the lay of the land.
I have encountered both male and female target parents. However, in my experience, the female target parents tend to have older children, usually late teens, or even in their 20s, whereas the fathers are usually talking about younger children. Thus such mothers are talking about "children" who are old enough to have developed some critical thinking skills whereas target fathers' children are still very credulous of anything they are told and therefore more inclined to fold under pressure. These are, of course, generalizations, and there are target mothers out there who have been illegitimately removed from their (young) children's lives by malicious fathers and their facilitators, there are just far fewer of them than target fathers. I believe that this is simply a function of the fact that it is far harder to mobilize the relevant powers against a mother and her small children than against a father and his.
Nevertheless, the gender neutrality of the concept of "parental alienation" is absolutely necessary if it is to be taken seriously in today's political climate, just as we must argue for "shared custody" and not for "father custody".
The opposition to parental alienation is not simply "feminist", there are also powerful forces arrayed against it who derive from a background in support of the definitively bogus "recovered memory" movement. Some of the more insistent, more heard voices against parental alienation have profited immensely from peddling those earlier falsehoods (and never paid for their crimes) and are now looking at another golden goose in the form of opposition to PAS. Their hypocrisy is obvious - they polarize the issue along gender lines, demanding that the women are victims of abusive men. They facilitate (female) abusers and target (male) victims in order to milk a system which deliberately blinds itself to what they are doing. It is a fundamentally abusive position and must be fought by undermining its sexist mechanisms. A true "feminist" would therefore be on our side, which is partly why I claim the deniers are not true feminists.
January 21st, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Thanks for the insightful reply JD. It is appreciated.
Masculist XY
January 21st, 2008 at 1:16 pm
my daughter turns 5 in two weeks. i've been fighting this pas bs for 5 years now w/o much help except for parents and my new wife, who is great... and she is asian. i appreciate all that the father supporters are doing, and at the same time, its hard to draw a line between fighting the good fight and just being a good father, despite the negativity. i know how it feels... and i know how it feels when my girl has to leave and she cries and part of me dies every time she has to go... God send speed and patience to all who have to endure this, pray for a change and even though this type of situation might cause you to be leary of women, maybe even cause some to be women haters(i know a few) remember, it took women to help make this an issue, by common sense it'll take women to end this....
January 21st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
"I hear even the American Psychological Association acknowledges PAS as a legitimate grievance. Is this true? "
No, it is not true. An APA report on violence in the family criticizes the misuse of PAS in domestic violence cases and unequivocally finds that there is no scientific evidence PAS as a "syndrome." In 1996, "Violence and the Family" was written by the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, and published by the American Psychological Association, based on a comprehensive review of the literature and research.
The Report states that:
"When children reject their abusive fathers, it is common for the batterer and others to blame the mother for alienating the children. They often do not understand the legitimate fears of the child. Although there are no data to support the phenomenon called parental alienation syndrome, in which mothers are blamed for interfering with their children's attachment to their fathers, the term is still used by some evaluators and courts to discount children's fears in hostile and psychologically abusive situations."
(page 40)
The Report also says:
"Family courts often do not consider the history of violence between the parents in making custody and visitation decisions. In this context, the nonviolent parent may be at a disadvantage . . . Psychological evaluators not trained in domestic violence may contribute to this process by ignoring or minimizing the violence and by giving inappropriate pathological labels to women's responses to chronic victimization. Terms such as "parental alienation" may be used to blame the women for the children's reasonable fear of or anger toward their violent father."
(page 100)
While fathers' right groups adamantly deny it, the reality is that PAS was originally made up as a legal defense of (male) child molesters, and also to justi puttify putting mothers in jail for reporting abuse, and children into institutions (where the focus is "Mommy Detox", i.e., convincing them that the abuse never occured, but their mothers are crazy). The other reality is that PAS is used almost exclusively against mothers in court, regarldess of who (if anybody) is actually "alienating" the kids.
In fact, the American Prosecutors Research Institute has identified use of PAS as obstructing prosecution of abusers, and of threatening the integrity of the criminal justice system and the safety of abused children. Frankly, that the main people who use PAS are FRs and MRAs speaks volumes about the (lack of) integrity of said groups, who ultimately undermine what may be legitimate grievances for some men, by buying into PAS nonsense.
January 21st, 2008 at 3:57 pm
"While fathers' right groups adamantly deny it, the reality is that PAS was originally made up as a legal defense of (male) child molesters..."
Why should anybody bother arguing about that? "Battered Women's Syndrome" was made up to defend (female) husband-murderers, but that doesn't give anyone any qualms whatsoever about using it. It isn't in the DSM-!V either.
"In fact, the American Prosecutors Research Institute has identified use of PAS as obstructing prosecution of abusers..."
Prosecutors? Is that supposed to be some kind of big revelation? I bet throwing out Battered Women's Syndrome would make their work a lot easier too. They probably don't like a lot of things that get in the way of prosecuting this that or the other. It means nothing.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Tex said: "Why should anybody bother arguing about that?"
That's actually a good question. However, many people connected to the fathers' rights movement DO argue it.
BTW, while it imay be true that both BWS and PAS are legal strategies there is a key difference. BWS was originally intended for use as as a defense of true victims. PAS on the other hand, was originally intended for use as a defense of true perpetrators.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Canarsee, more drivel from Trish Wilson, didn’t you use this once before.
I can tell you that PAS is real; my daughter’s mother used it and forced my daughter to say horrible things about me that are not true. The court was told by a child counselor that the mother was using parental alienation against me but not in a vindictive manner (stupid, I know).
However Canarsee you are correct, abusive people are getting away using PA. My time with my daughter was shortened to no overnights or vacations unless my 12 yo daughter wants too. It’s been 18 months now and she has not spent the night or gone on vacation with me. So the abusive parent won and has full custody now. I guess since its mommy its ok in your books
.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Joe V said: "more drivel Trish Wilson, didn’t you use this once before"
It's funny how any time anyone writes anything that exposes the PAS nonsense, folks refer to "Trish and her Gang":
http://www.geocities.com/feministaman/
Trish Wilson doesn't have a "gang" that I am aware of. While there may be a number of of unaffiliated people that are saying the same things, perhaps you should consider that is because they are TRUE.
January 21st, 2008 at 8:23 pm
The United States of America was supposed to be the land of the free. But we fought a civil war over slavery. Slavery was traditional, like Tender Years Doctrine is / was traditional.
CanArseE said: "It's funny how any time anyone writes anything that exposes the PAS nonsense, ..."
What you said does not expose PAS nonsense...It just exposes your opinion. Your feet are too good for my moccassins, that is why you refuse to walk in them.
"Traditional" and "originally used in defense of ".... sounds like terms used to preserve the status quo. The Family Law Courts are enabling, condoning, and encouraging parental alienation, at least in my county/state.
P.S. Is San Bernardino too far away for a story in LA? Actually both parents are in WA state now...but there is quite a story behind this one.
It's FatherTime.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I read things like Canarsee's commentary above and it brings back all the panic of the false accusations and their effect in court. It is pure unadulterated evil the way these people deny the possibility that the supposed victim may actually be lying, that what they are saying simply didn't happen, that the "evidence" may be fabricated, that the children might appropriately love the supposed abuser but be terrified of the consequence once the supposed victim gets them behind closed doors, that the supposed abuser might actually be terrified of the legal weapons they turn on him, that the supposed abuser may not be an abuser at all but the real victim subject to the cruelties of an unscrupulous bully facilitated by these so-easily, so-willingly duped cronies. Damn them all, they're already rotten on the inside.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
"It just exposes your opinion"
What I've posted about PAS is not a matter of opinion, but of fact, in terms of how PAS is used as a legal strategy to shift blame to women reporting abuse. That has nothing to do with the fact that both men and women may be abusive and both men and women may make false allegations. However that is not what PAS is about.
In fact, PAS is nothing more than the "opinions" of a quite sick and twisted individual who committed and especially gory suicide. (3.2.1...Here come's Rik Little's conspiracy theory about what "really" happened, i.e., that a so-called radical feminist murdered him, LOL)
Here's more about Gardner, who fabricated the term as a legal defense of child molesters. Check out the quotes at this site, if you want to read more about the "opinions" that were used to craft up this absolutely disgusting, dishonest and perverted theory:
http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?folder=63&page=373&T=
Published on January 21, 2008
Quotes By Richard Gardner
Richard A. Gardner, M.D., is the creator of the creator and main proponent for the bogus Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) theory. Prior to his suicide, Gardner was an unpaid part-time clinical professor of child psychiatry at the College of Physicians and Surgeons at Columbia University . He made his money mainly as a forensic expert. PAS was developed by Dr Richard Gardner in 1985 based on his personal observation, not on scientific study, and on his work as an expert witness often on behalf of fathers accused of molesting their children. Gardner 's theory of PAS has had a profoundly detrimental effect on how the court systems in our country handle allegations of child sexual abuse, especially during divorce. Because Gardner 's PAS theory is based on his clinical observations--not scientific data--it must be understood in the context of his extreme views concerning women, pedophilia and child sexual abuse. We provide Gardner's views so that people can understand the radical, perverse thinking of the so-called "expert" who invented the bogus theory of PAS that has done so much damage.
NOTE: Stop Family Violence does not agree with the views espoused by Gardner - we find them disgusting, offensive, and most importantly, they are not correct. Gardner's views are based in his own perverse thinking, not in anything scientists know, not in anything our laws condone, and not in anything our culture believes. To be clear - pedophilia is not natural, children do not enjoy, ask for or consent to sexual abuse, and mothers are not to blame if fathers commit such heinous acts against their children.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:51 am
Who doesn't understand that so called facts, which in reality are nothing more than opinions by the writers, can be twisted and turned to support either side of an issue. For example: Pluto was a planet. Now it's just a rock in orbit.
Anyone who has completed a thesis should understand this fact.
But maybe CanArseE doesn't understand this.
I could easily find supporting facts, opinions, and media fluff to support my side. But I don't need to...because I know that parental alienation is occurring in my situation. I am not a child sexual deviant. I am not using it to further my so called cause. I have nothing to gain. I just know. I am not using it in court, but the fact is my daughter is being alienated from me and IT IS supported and condoned by the court system.
It's like I tell my daughter...
Do you think I love you? She replies yes.
I say you shouldn't think I love you. You should know that I do. Because when you think that I don't love you, You'll know that I do.
Can "Can Arse E" Understand this? I think not. Because she believes the facts that she wants to believe. As for you quoting Prosecutors...lol....they are part of the problem...but you couldn't see that, so you quote them to support your side.
But in CanArseE point of view, just because I see that I am being alienated from my daughter by her mother, It's my fault because I am either a pedophile or using it gain an unfair advantage in court. She can't see through her own beliefs to see the truth.
If you really want facts I can provide those if needed, but then again, you could rebut them with your so-called facts. In the meantime, the courts DO see how alienation is occurring and how it DOES need to be addressed. Now that's a fact.
I know from experience, on the job training....she is looking at book smarts and not real life issues.
Studies, media articles, statistics, previous court cases, these all can be twisted to support either side of this issue. I know that parental alienation happens. I Know!
Don't label me a pedophile or an abusive person just to fit your mold.
It's FatherTime.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:54 am
Family court policies have created the largest social ill in modern society.
It's to late for me and my father, he's dead now and I never got to know him.
Now it's to late for my daughter, she 18 in May and wants nothing to do with me, PAS allowed to occur by family court policy.
Do something for the kids, let them have a Dad.
It hurts to even communicate with people who stand behind existing policies, but I believe in Karma, so please mandate 50 /50 shared parenting.
Daniel Willey
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:18 am
All of CANARSEE's comments.
I am a single father raising a 7-year-old girl alone (Canarsee probably hates seeing this). My daughter has done well because the SAFEST place for children is with the biological father and children of broken homes do far better with the fathers than anyone else (mothers, foster parents, adoptive, etc.)
NOW, Canarsee, hypocritically relies heavily on the reports of psychologists for her analysis. Psychologists have one of the highest rates of suicide among professions. These people have more mental problems than anyone and this is who Canarsee loves to cite and quote--shows where she is coming from.
Moreover, up here in Washington State, the #1 parenting evaluator of the Seattle area courts--a nationally renowned forensic child psychologist--was arrested for voyeurism. He taped women and children while they used his office bathroom. He videotaped himself masturbating to those videotapes. After he was released on bail, he committed suicide and left a note stating that he had ruined lives/families. This was the best our family courts had to offer. This is the type of person Canarsee relies on for information.
I'm wondering if Canarsee is supportive of sexism. Our courts grant custody to mothers 95% of the time when there is a 50/50 split of candidate gender (1 woman and 1 man). If 10% of applicants to a managerial position job are women and only 1% of managers in a corporation are women, then there would be outrage over that sex discrimination. Yet, 50% of the applicants for custody of children are men and there's no outcry of discrimination. It cannot be possible that 95% of the time one gender is the better parent. Can Canarsee actually deny this? I'm sure she'll figure out a way.
By the way, all this crap about BWS being created and used appropriately for actual victims is garbage too. Anyone who lives in the real world (outside of radical feminists and the judges that they pimp) knows that they hand out restraining orders and DV protection orders like water, with no proof whatsoever--all because of the rare and few cases in this country in which a woman was tragically murdered. A few incidents have turned into the violation of rights of millions, "just in case" it happens again.
What person with half a brain would actually think that the piece of paper (restraining order) misused by family courts is ACTUAL going to restrain an ACTUAL harasser or DV perpetrator or murderer.
If someone is willing to go to jail for assault or murder, do you think they care about violating a piece of paper and/or going to jail for a lesser count of violating restraining order? Of course not. The only people who obey restraining orders are the law-abiding fathers who are upstanding citizens who are above board and have no reason to even look bad, let alone violate a restraining order--all to the detriment of their constitutional and parental rights.
The more Canarsee types the more she incriminates herself as someone blind, adhering to an agenda that defies the best interests of children, the rights of fathers, and common sense. We should call her Cannotsee for her blindness.
The VAWA (partly to help victims of BWS) read that its intent is to protect "women and children". But, the #1 child abusers are mothers! How can federal funds go to one gender, especially when that gender is the perpetrator? What's Joe Biden gonna do next? Create legislation that gives billions to pedophiles, too? It is well known and soon to be exposed what a crook and pimp Joe Biden is for his extortion and misappropriation of funds and how he is actually pimped by the feminists.
Good luck in your joyous, loving, gleeful man-hating world, Cannotsee!
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:56 am
Well it isn't just something affecting fathers, Ryan, so you shouldn't say it turns you off women or it took women to make it an issue.
My ex-husband kidnapped my daughter when she was not quite 3 and moved her to where he lived (the state we were divorced in- across the country from where I was living). Because of some legal loopholes he ended up being allowed to keep her. Now she's almost 7 and I haven't seen her more than 5 times... and it's all legal. I don't know her teachers name, and he has his new wife listed as her mother in the school's records, so I'm not even allowed to contact the teachers to ask about her progress. As long as my ex does the bare minimum, any alienation is considered by the court as my own fault. And any negative things- like my ex's new wife telling my daughter it's ok for her to call me by my first name because she's her REAL mom, I'm just her BIO mom- are not even considered by courts because it's not stuff my EX is doing.
All I can hope for is that as my daughter gets older she'll see what is happening and I won't end up like Daniel Wiley and his daughter. Or hope for court reform... but I'd say it's a better bet to bet on my daughter.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:54 am
I am a father who has been alienated from my child from the age of 5 till today my son is now 12 and the last times I've seen him is when my mother who died 3 years ago and my brother 4 years ago for just 1 minute with the police having to be called and pryor to that with a court order and the mother always interfered with visits over 24 times the and the judge just said lets start over the mother is a teacher and the courts looked at her like a god even though she lies to get her way saying she and my son are afraid of me just to keep my son away from me she even told my son to call her boyfriend dad and the court repremanded her. I had unsupervised visits and had my mom would come with me before her death to be my witness to her lies and witness her interfering, the court even had me lessen my time with my son and input paid supervised visits with visits to a psychologist even though I requested a custody evaluation. I had to wait till now to return to court to reunite with my son and have missed out on a lot of years, I told the judge I will never stop loving my son and that I hold the mothers attorney,and the child attorney and the judge personally responsible for the alienation inflicted on me the father and I will never be defeated ever by no man or woman or court system and I am stronger today despite any and all setbacks and have a wonderful girlfriend who supports my and has been by my side for over 8 years who I love very much. LOVE CONQUERS HATRED !!! We are born from love, love life, love yourself, and love death, don't be afraid and don't hate. You matter
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 am
I am a father who has been alienated from my child from the age of 5 till today my son is now 12 and the last times I've seen him is when my mother who died 3 years ago and my brother 4 years ago for just 1 minute with the police having to be called and pryor to that with a court order and the mother always interfered with visits over 24 times the and the judge just said lets start over the mother is a teacher and the courts looked at her like a god even though she lies to get her way saying she and my son are afraid of me just to keep my son away from me she even told my son to call her boyfriend dad and the court repremanded her. I had unsupervised visits and had my mom come with me before her death to be my witness to her lies and witness her interfering, the court even had me lessen my time with my son and input paid supervised visits with additional paid visits to a psychologist even though I requested a custody evaluation. I had to wait till now to return to court to reunite with my son and have missed out on a lot of years, I told the judge I will never stop loving my son and that I hold the mothers attorney,and the child attorney and the judge personally responsible for the alienation inflicted on me the father and I will never be defeated ever by no man or woman or court system and I am stronger today despite any and all setbacks and have a wonderful girlfriend who supports me and has been by my side for over 8 years who I love very much. LOVE CONQUERS HATRED !!! We are born from love, love life, love yourself, and love death, don't be afraid and don't hate. You matter
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 am
i have not seen my daughter for about fifteen years, my oldest son lives in the same town as I and won't speak
to me, my middle son works for his step father and wants me to be a part of his life but his mother has used the
job he has against him and keeps him away. Consequently I have only seen my grandaughter two times and
I am sure will probably not see her again. My youngest son does come to see me but his mother and step
father make his life miserable becaue he does come to my home. As I said they are now trying to keep my one
grandaughter from me. I have checked into a lawyer that was recommended to me by Glenn, but I know i can't
afford one. I never missed a child support payment, but the courts still worked against me. My former spouse
did not agree with me when I made an effort to tell my country the truth about an incident that happened over
forty years ago while I was serving in the U.S. Navy. There seems to be no help, and no way to overturn this
because most of the courts don't believe there is such a thing as PAS.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:01 am
When military men are not supported by their spouse strange
things begin to happen. Many people will know who I am even
if I dont' tell my name. I am a former military man who made
an effort to tell this great nation the truth about an incident
that happened over forty years ago. This incident needed to
be revealed to this whole nation, and not kept in hiding.
My former spouse did not agree with me, and took my
family, and practically everything I owned. Doesn't anyone
see what suppressing men can do even to us as a
nation? If not then my efforts over the past forty years
will have been in vain. It has crippled me emotionally
because I happen to be a family man. If you don't know
the story it is at www.ussliberty.org
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:38 am
Similar to Gregory, Yes I have been alienated from my daughter by my ex. Does PAS exist? Of course it does. Just as any syndrome or other type of label placed on actions by others...when something like this gets into a court room there are those self ritious attorneys who twist the truth around to make their client look good. At the same time there are abusive fathers who use it to avoid making themselves look bad. It can work both ways. Bottom line is that regardless of the debate, PAS exists and it is severely damaging the children of our nation psychologically. My daughter is 12 years old and her mother and I were divoced when she was 5. When she was younger and not so influenced by her mother she would tell me and ask me about things that her mother was doing. For example, when she was 5 she asked me what it meant when her mom and her boyfriend were bouncing up and down on the couch when they were both naked? She also used to tell me when she had to go to a sitter. The court "suggested" she allow my daughter to stay with me when she worked if I was available. She never did. Now that my daughter is 12, she will not confide in me with anything. She claims I lie about everything and she is scared of me. My fiance was furious when she heard that, knowing that I have never been that way and probably the most gentle man she has ever known. My ex has lied to the courts, to my daughter, to the psychologist, and to other people I work with. Even though my co workers and the judge knows she lies about me, the courts will do nothing. My ex also keeps signing my daughter up for activities throughout the school year and during my summer visitation just to keep my daughter away from me. I am not supposed to know what my daughter does with her time when I am away from her. My daughter has even gotten to the point of lying to me for her mother just to protect her. I have caught her several times in the past year. And NO!! It's not just age and a phase. Whether it is called PAS or something else, alienation does exist and it is destroying our kids. It's time our courts and Judges wake up and start protecting our kids instead of destroying their lives. As a member of the legal community, I am doing what I can to promote shared parenting and to help eliminate the "obsessed alienators" in our childrens lives. I hope all of you will too!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
This could go on and on and on. I am very thankful that others know that PAS is a real thing, and in
many cases can be proved. My lawyer proved it in my case, but guess what? The judge didn't care,
and ruled against me anyway. I paid my child support, every last dime of it, and was denied a lot
of visitation. I certainly don't advocate that men who are in this situation today stop paying to support
their kids, but something needs to be done about children who have been lied to. My daughter is
twenty seven going on twenty eight and as far as I know she firmly believes that her father doesn't
love her. I cannot get to her or even confront her. The last time I tried she broke down crying in public
in front of a lot of people. I have decided she is so thoroughly alienated I cannot do anything. The one
thing to remember about alienation is that the children will have absolutely nothing good to say
about you. You are hundred percent bad. A true fact of alienation. I have studied it, and know that
much.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
"BWS was originally intended for use as as a defense of true victims. PAS on the other hand, was originally intended for use as a defense of true perpetrators."
Semantics, Canarsee, semantics. You are no authority on who are "true" victims and who are "true" perpetrators. Those are fact questions for juries.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I agree with Tex, and of course I am only quoting what I have read from a book by a doctor
whose field is PAS. Juries? What are juries? I never had one, just a judge who made
the decision. Maybe some out there have piles of money to hire lawyer after lawyer, but I
don't. After spending well over a hundred thousand in lawyers fees and child support,
plus having one lawyer waive part of his fees, I no longer have the money.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
"It is pure unadulterated evil the way these people deny the possibility that the supposed victim may actually be lying, that what they are saying simply didn't happen..."
JD, I think a lot of them don't really deny the possibility of all this. They just don't think it matters, compared with the importance of women's interests being looked after. And being held accountable for the psychological abuse of children is not in women's interests.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I may not be a father and I may not live in the greater L.A. area, but you don't have to live there are be a father to know that, nationwide there is a dangerous trend to ignore at all cost the abuse against the american family perpetrated by the female gender and regardless of what is best for the child to protect "Mommy's" right to her children.
It doesn't matter what laws we put on the books, if our family courts are not going to adhere to them, then they are more worthless than the paper they are written on. In Texas there are laws that say the courts are not to consider gender, but to look at who is best able and willing to provide in the best interest of the child, food, clothing, shelter, education, health, and morales. (not the exact wording) But tell me what good is this law or any law when our courts continually ignore it by ignoring the fact that mom doesn't work, moves 4 or 5 times a year, lives on gov't subsidies, lies to the courts, law enforcement, and social services, always has a ready excuse for little johnnie's bruises, refuses to let the child talk to daddy on the phone, that she doesn't bother to pick child up on time after visitation or many other things I could mention that I have personally seen.
This is election year, Fathers make your voice heard, put your local judge on the spot, report his record in your local papers with a letter to the editor. Find out where the candidates stand on this issue and make your voice heard by putting the right people in office. From where I stand what I see is most Judicial benches are filled by MEN, and therefore you are getting a royal shafting by your own gender. Stand up and fight, register to vote and then vote. Call the canidates and bluntly ask them where they stand on the issue. The first step is to get those that are against Fathers being a part of the child's life is to get them out of our courts. They have no business there in Family court.
I see daily the suffering of my son, a boy who never had a father, (fathers choice) who wants desperately to be a father to his son and the courts allowing her to keep them apart. I have seen my little grandson wrap his arms around daddy's neck and with tear filled eyes say: "Daddy how did you know I was needing you", I have heard the two-second phone calls: "Daddy, where are you, ("quit go away, leave me alone" to someone in the back ground), bye daddy I gotta go" click. I have seen my grown son cry heart ripping sobs, when telling his son he had no choice but to turn him back over to a mother that left her hand prints on the child's entire arm. I have seen the child crying and reaching up with his little hands, saying " Granny, I need you". We promised to protect this child, my son and I, but how can we protect him when the courts don't allow it.
Laws are written everyday, but they are virtually worthless because the judges don't adhere to them. So I guess this is my suggestion, get out and find out what your local judge stands for, if he is father deaf then vote him out of office. Don't be afraid of putting him on the spot with his record. I will start with the one I know for a fact doesn't really care about the children although he is supposed to be a father and grandfather and you better believe I will vote against him. Scott McDowell, dem. 62nd judicial district judge, Lamar county TX, Paris Texas
I challenge you to publicize the names of the judges in your area that have proven to not care about the fate of the children that come through their courts. A child needs a father just as much as it needs a mother. There is actually no such thing as a fatherless child. The old saying it takes two to tango is so very true. Someone somewhere fathered the child and without a father there can be no mothers.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I have been so thoroughly disgusted when letters are asked of us who
have been the victims of alienation, but you must be from a certain area. It is
happening everywhere. I have in my possession for the right people letters
that were written to me by my own children that would undoubtedly prove
PAS. I have kept them, and maybe they would do some good in at least
proving that this kind of thing does exist. I would do anything to help
another father who is going through this. No one whether they be
father or mother deserves to go through this undescribable pain. To
this day I am surprised that something like this has ever happened
to this great nation where families at one time were put first. That family
of course is a mother and a father.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Liberty Survivor Says: "I have been so thoroughly disgusted when letters are asked of us who have been the victims of alienation, but you must be from a certain area. It is happening everywhere."
The reporter is from a Los Angeles newspaper and, naturally enough, his editors want a Los Angeles story.--GS
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Doesn't hold much water with me Glenn when time is running out. Until I became acquainted with your
site I had given up. I am in my late sixties, and believe it or not would like to be at peace with own
children before my time is up. I am not planning on leaving this earth right away, but as you well know
I have no control over that. I have said my piece, and if it has helped one person then it was well
worth it.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:06 pm
PAS is free wheeling in Texas. Courts dont want to hear it. So my short story is this. My ex kept me from seeing my 2 kids in various ways through out their preteen and teenage years. For the last 6 years I havent been told where they live. I cut off my Child support to my son after he turned 18. I assumed he had graduated high school. Only thru a private detective was I able to locate my children as the courts finally declared after age 14 I had no rights to them. Years prior I tried and tried to have my court orders enforced but to no avail. So it was a waiting game on her part. The state came back to me as my son was 20yrs old and still in High school, and said I owed $1200 back support to her plus $2200 of interest for the 11 months I did not give her the full child support.How bout that violate court orders and get rewarded. Now that the he is 21 and no longer collects from me, my son has been calling me without the ex's knowledge saying it was all wrong.
I know who to blame. It starts with the courts not doing their basic role. All they want is money!!!!
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
No Fault Divorce and how it has been pushed upon the public is most likely the real culprit.
No Fault Divorce as I understand it was meant to be an easy means of divorce and getting it
over with, but both parties had to agree. My divorce was forced on me when
I was wanting to try and work things out. My lawyer told me I had to choice and that the divorce
would happen even without my consent. I drug it out for several months hoping my former
spouse would see what this could do to our kids. It didn't work, and the result was a
divorce that cost me about three times what it would have if I hadn't drug it out, hoping
she should change her mind. I realize this is a whole different issue, and yet they seem
to be connected.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
"BWS was originally intended for use as as a defense of true victims. PAS on the other hand, was originally intended for use as a defense of true perpetrators."
BTW, Canarsee, a more apt summation of the difference here is that BWS was intended to defend persons who have admittedly perpetrated a homicide--as in "true perpetrators." PAS was intended to defend persons who may or may not have committed abuse, depending on the findings of fact.
In other words, BWS is an excuse for a perpetrator. PAS goes toward whether or not there IS a perpetrator.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I just read the bill in Wisconsin, it is really not that clear and there are a lot of gaping loopholes in it, it would apear. Shared parenting is great and can be accomplished as long as both parties remain in one city, where the child can have access to both sides of the family. What they are not spelling out is that, most women will pick up with the children and take off now days.
My son's ex-wife was allowed to maintain a 25 dollar a month gov't apt in Lamar county, TX, have a social study conducted in the home of her grandmother in Eastland, county TX, and use her great aunts salary as proof that she was able to provide the best financial support and stable home environment to raise the child in. She was also allowed to lie to the courts and the law about the father hood of the child she was currently carrying to make my son appear to be a deadbeat in not taking responsibility for a "child" or when the situation suits a "fetus" where he was according to her "the sperm donor". This all made my son look like a low life individual and she suffered no consequences when he demanded and paternity test upon the birth of the child and all of a sudden, it was her child and her right to refuse the test, and she admitted in open court that she only claimed the child was his in order to get him to remarry her. She suffered no consequences for her lies. She has repeatedly suffered no consequences for failing to show up for visitation on time, or picking the child up from visitation on time. It seems the courts have the ideal that a father's mother is a free baby sitter at the whim of the custodial mother, although they are very quick to tell the grandmother that she has no rights to even see the child.
Now in order for a shared parenting bill to work, both parents will have to be mandated by the courts to keep the child in one city, and if either parent deems they need to move, then the child should have to stay with the remaining parent in the same city of the courts original jurisdiction. Without spelling this out and leaving no loopholes this will be just another ambiguous law open for interpretation of the highest paid lawyer, the bought off judge or the parent with the so-called social connections.
My son has remained in the same town, with the only move being from one family owned home, to a larger family owned home that with the fenced in yard and extra bedroom was more suited to raising a child and allowing the child room for pets and toys and room to grow. His ex-wife, took the child out of a permanent home in the dead of winter, left all clothing, blankets and food belonging to the child behind and then started hollering that she had no clothes or food for the child. My son has to keep his current address on record at the court house and with the Attorney General's office, which they furnish to her, but she is not made to keep her address on record, nor is she made to maintain a job, suitable housing, or even keep the child in school.
So it really doesn't matter how many laws are written, if they are not thought through completely, spelled out to where there is no room for question, and most important of all inforced by our courts, then they are not going to make any difference in the way things are.
Remember you have the best chances by voting the right people into office. Laws are only good as long as they are abided by and when you are dealing with a physco, they don't even begin to apply as these people seem to get away with murder time and time again. Yes, I feel comfortable in saying this as we wouldn't even be having this discussion if we were dealing with law abiding, fair minded women, but since we are not dealing with such, we have to start thinking like they do and covering all the bases, leaving no loopholes for them to escape through.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
In Re: Allen's blog, he is my husband and I am the Stepmother of his son. Mother in her Paternity Complaint in the MA Court has not only slandered my husbands name, but my name and charachter as well . She is determined If she can not have the childs Father then the Father will not have the child. She has made this known in court and in her affidavits. She has used the MA Court and its void orders to empower her revenge, Intentionaly inflcting emotional and financial distress upon Father by interfering with the Father and Child relationship amongst others...we have not seen the child for 1 year despite repeated requests for parenting time.
The Paternity of this child was determined and adjudicated in the State of Florida, Florida retains jurisdiction over the child and any future orders pertaining to him and parents...Mother however filed in the MA court A Complaint to Establish Paternity of her son thus leading this State to believe that the child was a bastard. This allowed her protection from facing the Florida Courts where she would not have been given full or sole custody of their child and thus further protecting her from Florida's Shared Parenting Laws where it was and is a criminal offense for her to leave the state of Florida with their child absent a court order...from a Florida Court! I ask those of you who have been treated unfairly in a court with or without competent jurisdiction to please pray for my husband and his child that on Feb 1, 2008 justice may be served and the MA court dismiss it's case which he has been litigating for 4 years.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Allen Victem of Paternity and Welfare Fraud by Mother of their child who was born out of wedlock and hid out in the State of MA DTA Mother is a hostile parents who employs vexatious hardship upon Father and uses their Son as the pawn. Father has been fighting in the MA Courts for rights that are vested and protected by the Florida Courts. Mother continues her deceitful misrepresentation and will be before the Bristol County Court and Judge LaStaiti on February 1, 2008, which is also the chid's 5th birthday. Any attention this case can generate from the public will be greatly appreciated therefore it is my son's and my hope that you can spread this among your press related partners.
Kind Regards.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I am a Victem of Paternity and Welfare Fraud by Mother of their child who was born out of wedlock and hid out in the State of MA DTA Mother is a hostile parents who employs vexatious hardship upon Father and uses their Son as the pawn. Father has been fighting in the MA Courts for rights that are vested and protected by the Florida Courts. Mother continues her deceitful misrepresentation and will be before the Bristol County Court on February 1, 2008, which is also my Sons 5th birthday. Any attention this case can generate from the public will be greatly appreciated therefore it is my son's and my hope that you can spread this among your press related partners.
Kind Regards.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
[...] regarding parents who have been alienated from their children after a divorce or separation. In this blog post I asked readers who fit the description to email me so I could pass it on to Dan, and many of you [...]
March 13th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Hi to all of you alienated fathers! I would just like to say that not only Fathers are the victims of Parental Alienation! I am also a victim and it has been very traumatizing. I suffer from depression and at times it is extreme. I have two children with two different men and am separated/ divorced from both. I have a great relationship with the father of my daughter and we have a great visitation schedule that is very open to changes if the need ever arrises. Now the father of my 9 year old resents me for some reason, it actually started when I started to date the father of number 2 child, which happened to be 3 years after the divorce. It started with not giving him the presents I would get him for Christmas/Birthdays, then not telling him I would call at night to see how his day at school went, to having him lie to me about events of his life. I know from what my child has told me(without my asking) that there has been drug use around him, abuse to girlfriends, and verbal and mental abuse to my son. I used to think it was me making it up in my head, but it became apparent to other people in my life what he was doing to me and my son's relationship. My son has cried to me that he is afraid of his father and that he does not want to go home and cannot wait until he 14 to come and live with me. I have a special connection with him that I do believe he will one day break. He loves his sister very much and it pains me to hear her say "My brother is coming tonight to swim with me!!" Which in fact he is not! I am a firm believer in parental rights and that no woman or man should be a ble to keep a child away from another parent unless that parent is mentally incompasitated, or not fit because of drug/ alcohol abuse. And after the years of not letting me see him he is now collecting child support from me! And it goes back two years, so that I owe over 6,000.00 in back support. I do not mind the money, it's the fact I have to give him money for a child he does not allow me to see. I fear one day I will never see him again to to a tragedy and it scares the life out of me. I have not been able to afford any legal counsel, until now and I hope that I am able to provide all the evidence I need to be able to bring my children and myself together as a family.