I'm in the military...my wages are garnisheed at 65% and my ex will not let me see the kids regardless of court orders
March 1st, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & FamiliesFrom Carl, a reader:
I'm in the military. Divorce took place the month I departed California. I was there for training and was not a resident. CA. took complete jurisdiction. Kids and ex were in Florida at the time. Ex took kids to Mississippi same time divorce was filed. Divorce took place Oct 06, and is still open.
Since then my wages are garnisheed at 65% and I'm still in arrears by $400 monthly. My ex will not let me see the kids regardless of California court orders. California will not enforce the order, Mississippi will not enforce the order. It seems no agency will help me to see my children.
Also at this time I'm in jeopardy of losing my job of six years because of the arrearages. I'm on salary--I can't make the amount California wants.
Everyone says I have to get a lawyer, but I have no money. I make enough for food, shelter, and gas to get to work, usually with less than $100 in my bank at any given time. Any help suggestions appreciated.
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March 1st, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I totally support your efforts to expose the judicial system, which is out of control.
However, I believe the only way that we can make any changes, is to sue the government immediately, for violating the constitutional rights of the people.
1. We have to send a very strong message to elected representatives that are no longer representing our interests, by voting against them from now on.
2. The existing laws must be changed to express the will of the people and not the judicial establishment.
3. The judges must be elected by the people and cannot be nominated by the governor.
4. The position of the judge must be chosen by attorneys with at least 15 years of experience in private practice, exclusively.
5. The attorneys working full time for the government cannot be nominated for the positions of judges. without exception.
6. Judges must be accountable for their mistakes, without any exceptions. One mistake and you are out.
Regards
John
March 1st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I would say that a lot of information is missing here.
First, how did California get jurisdiction? If you were not a resident of California, then Florida would have been the proper jurisdiction. So, how did the matter get into the California courts?
Until that question is answered, no one can give you any meaningful advice at all.
Post the whole story - and then maybe someone can give you some good advice.
Doc
March 1st, 2008 at 9:17 pm
http://unitedcivilrights.org/statechapters.html
Go to this link and click on your state. There will be email addresses to people affiliated with this organization. Tell them you are interested in self-help legal assistance.
Good Luck
March 1st, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Fathers 4 Justice, Los Angeles and the National Coalition of Free Men, Los Angeles are having a rally in the Van Nuys / Sherman Oaks Park tomorrow from 10 AM to 2 PM. Take the Van Nuys Blvd. off ramp, off the 101, head North. Go two to three short lights then turn right on Huston. A few short blocks and your in the park. We meet on the SE corner.
VAN NUYS/SHERMAN OAKS PARK
14201 Huston Street
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423
We are not lawyers and don't give legal advice. We are about education and activism, but we would certainly welcome you to come share your story with us, and have a hamburger and coke - on us. A lot of us have gone through, or are going through similar to what you describe. Look for the red and blue tents with the protest signs hanging from them.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:04 pm
You should also look for Lary Holland, who has a radio blog "Get off the bench" at www.getyourjusticelive.com and discuss your situation there, or www.achildsright.net, or possibly look up FRC at yahoogroups.
Also, being a member of the Military, James Semerad at Dads of Michigan / Moms of Michigan is also good resource for his wealth of knowledge in dealing with the military side of things.
Given the large degree to which this is affecting military personel, there should be at least one or two websites or groups specializing in dealing with Military issues.
Oh, and how did California take on the case? Simple, California wants the Title IV-D money for collecting support, and found a judge who was willing to rule that they had jurisdiction. Not suprising they wont enforce their order though, while IV-D pays 66% of the support collection costs (2 federal dollars for every state dollar spent), it pays nothing for enforcing parenting time. For that reason, most states intentianally sever any link between payment of support and enforcement of parenting time. Don't pay your support and the STATE will place you in jail, don't get your parenting time that is part of the same order, and YOU have to pay large sums to the courts and attorneys to get justice.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:08 pm
I'm kind of wondering the same thing Doc is, but I can't tell from your story who filed for divorce, you or your wife? Assuming she filed, what state were you and she actually legal residents of at the time? (I know the military recognizes a "domicile", but that wouldn't matter to the state itself, at least I don't think so).
One thing is that I'm not sure if many of the guys who comment on here are lawyers..there might be a couple, but I'd let them speak for themselves.
You can always go the the American Bar Association web site and search for a lawyer by specialty. There are also ways to talk to a "phone attorney", that is attorneys who contract to converse by phone for people seeking information. In some cases for less than $100 (I did this myself once) you can get some basic information from them (not advice as such, though if you're subtle, and they're nice, you might get some "more helpful" information). That (using the phone) would seem especially useful in your case since it sounds like you need to find out about the law in another state(s). (note: you do not become their "client" when talking to them. You're not paying them, but instead whatever service company they contract with).
Also what about legal services offered by the military? No doubt you've already checked...
March 1st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
This is just absolutely horrible! I don't know what to say. Write your congressmen. Get this story out to the public. Picket the courts. Write a talk show.This kind of slavery must be brought to an end. Ruin your exes reputation. Put her face on a billboard in her hometown and warn men to stay away from her. Get your family involved in this. See if they can gather money to help fight back.
These kinds of stories are heartbreaking. Get her on tape and put her on Youtube. Just don't sit still. Start a fund-raiser. Do a carwash and put up a sign "MY ex is bleeding me dry." Bring this travesty into the light of day. Write a book about it. Talk to your company commander. Show the public how the government treats it's soldiers. Good luck.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 am
I've heard these stories many times from soldiers and I believe they are, in fact, true since the military pay system is very transparent with all incentive pays clearly listed. What is happening is this soldier is being penalized for his subsistence and housing allowances which the court seems to considered WAGES.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:24 am
Don't bother looking for a lawyer here. They are all a bunch of money-sucking bastards, right guys?
Sorry, but you were a dumb-ass to get married in the first place. Maybe publicizing your story will help other morons avoid the same mistake.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:30 am
Use your life to educate the many others in the same boat. Get on Montel Williams. Keep your gun. When you get on Montel chastise him for all his rubbish domestic violence stories against women he panders to. Straighten Montel out and let it be televised. The wages of sin is death. In fact, to the Family Court anything becomes wages. The Family Court will die.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:47 am
Here's some more advice: Ignore Jay R. He has had nothing but deleterious effects on this board and on men's rights.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:54 am
Norman L,
Care to back that up with some reasoned argument, big mouth?
As for Carl, the information at to what he was getting himself into was available. He chose to ignore it -- until now, when it is TOO LATE!
So, Norman L., what words of advice do you have for Carl to "make it all better?"
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:08 am
Jay R., I gave some advice to Carl above. You yourself gave proof of what you're asking me for, also above.
Actually Glenn's going to delete your post because of the foul language, and thus mine in domino fashion..so it's mute at this point.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:08 am
Ah - the victim mentality is running rampant on this one. What is amazing is how it runs off totally unchecked and without an iota of logic or common sense being involved.
[b]The poster has not posted any facts at all.[/b]
If the poster were originally a resident of California, but is transient and not assuming residence in another state, California can assume jurisdiction over him without any problems. The key factor considered in assuming residence in another state, especially with military personnel is whether they obtain a driver's license in the state that they are based in.
Here is one possible scenario: Poster states that [b]California took jurisdiction.[/b] This would indicate that there was an original case filed in Florida which most likely went to hearing at some point and [b]temporary[/b] child support orders were issued. With temporary orders, typically a wage withholding order is not issued. Given that 65% of his wages are now being garnished, which is the maximum allowed by [b]Federal Civil Law[/b] which is totally separate from family law, the presumption can be made that he did not pay anything in regards to the temporary orders. Hence, he has a sizable arrearage.
With him in California, Florida transferred the case to California for enforcement purposes. This is permissible under law. California assumed jurisdiction, by his own admission, pursuant to the purviews of UIFSA. (Uniform Interstate Family Support Act.) Permissible.
California decided to perfect the orders and grant the divorce. Again, permissible pursuant to California law.
Since the poster does not state what the actual child support order is, no one knows whether it is fair or equitable. To speculate that it is not is pure and utter bull hockey. He states that he is [b]still in arrears[/b] which supports the preposition that he was in arrears to begin with. For a 65% wage withholding, one can speculate, most likely correctly, that the arrears are substantial. Very substantial.
Poster states that he is in the military. But, he also states that he is in jeopardy of losing his job of six years. The military [b]does not[/b] discharge people because of wage garnishments for child support. Therefore, we can speculate that he may be a reservist, and not active military. If someone is going to get kicked out of the military they will state that they are going to be discharged - not lose their job. This wording should raise some type of warning flag for everyone....
Poster states that Divorce was final the same month that he left California which was possibly in October, 2006. He also says that the divorce is still open. A contradiction in terms, thus casting another shadow of doubt over what the poster is saying.
Poster states that his ex will not let him see the kids. He also states that he has less than $100 at any given time. Unless he lives in or very close to Mississippi, that means that he can not afford to visit his kids. Therefore, his statement that his ex is denying visitation must be taken with a grain of salt - or perhaps even a whole bag of salt.
My gut level feeling is that the poster has tried to avoid paying child support for a very long time. When he was finally caught up with, he pissed off the court in California and they socked it to him.
Think about it: He has had a job for 6 years - and apparently the last orders issued were in 2006. If he was going to lose his job over child support wage withholding - it would have come up back in 2006 or early 2007 - not 2008.
My speculation is that this poster has been trying to beat the system for a long time. He finally got caught up with, and now is crying "poor me." In my opinion, he is a victim of his own making. To try to blame the IV-D Agency, the courts, or anyone else is folly.
And yes, I would concur, that Jay R. along with perhaps a few others, should be ignored.
Doc
.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:09 am
Excuse me, "moot"
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:14 am
"Foul language"? Norman L., you're losing it, dude.
As for the "advice" you gave to Carl, as an attorney, I can assure you your advice was useless and meaningless.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:18 am
Doc, your comments are always SO scintillating. Yawn. You are quite the superior cynic, aren't you? Long on criticism and dismissal, short on ideas...
I am interested, big brain, in why my comments should be ignored. Don't have any reasoned rebuttal? Or are you just lazy?
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:18 am
Okay, now that you've identified yourself as an attorney, I can only assume your specailty area is masochism..since you stated above what you think of lawyers.
As for the language, I used the word d**n once and Glenn did something about it. Since then, I have not used on this board, what is apparently your native vernacular.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:21 am
Norman L.
"d**n" ?! WTF are you talking about?!
Also, "sarcasm". I suggest you look it up ... .
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:23 am
Reckon I am lazy Jay. Can't help myself. My Daddy taught me something about arguing with a certain class of people, but darned if I can remember what it all was right now. I must need a nap or something...
Also a tad bit respectful to Glenn, since this is, after all, his Board or Forum.
The subject is about someone in the military whose wages are garnished at 65%....
That is what the discussion should be about, not your purported credentials.
Let's stick with the issue that the poster raises.
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:27 am
Sorry Doc, if I helped someone change the subject.
Enough. I have been seduced into arguing with a moron - nevermore.
Just one last thing, I can only assume Jay went to law school at the University of Mexico. Their law degrees are even more worthless than their M.D.'s
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am
Guys, enough of these insults back and forth. Either get back on topic or stop commenting on this blog post.--GS
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:30 am
Norman L., Doc,
I didn't think you had anything to back up your b.s. So keep it on toplc, and keep your ad hominem attacks to yourselves... or get embarrassed.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
Give me a break Norman. I've never had a malpractice suit filed against me... LOL
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 am
Here's some more advice: Ignore Jay R. He has had nothing but deleterious effects on this board and on men's rights.
I don't remember everything Jay R. has written but I agree that getting married and or popping out kids is a dumb thing to do.
I write on my local website about these issues and I'm called all kinds of terrible things by women and men. In fact the more proof I provide and the more documentation and studies I post the more angry and vicious people get. The thing is these same guys in a few years may well end up in this same situation where they lose their kids and are relegated to the status of financial slave.
This guy here is in trouble to be sure. I bet a couple years ago he would've called us all a bunch of women hating whiners. Now he's getting a dose of the post-feminist legal system.
Here's my advice to the writer of this letter.
1. Quit the Army. They already think you are disposable so you owe them nothing.
2. Inform your wife, her lawyer, and the State of California that you aren't paying another god damn cent and they can all go "blank" themselves.
3. Don't hire a lawyer. The system is designed to impoverish you. Fight back by not participating in that ploy.
4. If they call you into court show up in a burlap sack with chains on your hands and ankles so they all know you are nothing but a slave. Because that's what they are going to make you.
5. Tell the judge it's either shared custody or nothing. You want the kids half the time with no support paid to your wife.
6. Remember it will cost them 45,000 a year to keep you locked up. But they will be happy to oblige because it's paid for by the taxpayer. Plan on going to jail for contempt but the longer you stay in the bigger stink it will raise. The more people who take an interest then the more people you can tell your story too.
In the end you probably won't get your kids and you will be homeless, but you will have been a thorn in the side of the system and your wife won't have gotten a penny.
If enough men fight back by refusing to participate the system will break.
When they finally leave you alone you can start over.
Next time stay away from "women".
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 am
Good, sound, rational, solid and beneficial advice there Jean.
Have you considered volunteering at your local Suicide Advocacy Hot Line?
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 am
Jean Valjean: That is very bad advice. He loses he's children, goes to jail and has a debtors jail, and comes out with a debt. Do you think they will leave him? While in jail he might get literally get buggered.
Follow "Kevin Merck Says: http://unitedcivilrights.org/statechapters.html"
And might try: http://www.ejfi.org/Help/Help-1.htm#pgfId-860431
You need to also figure out if your x-wife is a good woman or not. If she's a bad mother & wife then you have little chance in my view. She will try and screw you over for everything. The fact the she denies you access to your children should give you a good indicator, but really its your call. Note, there are many industries that make a huge amount of cash on you continuing to suffer.
In the end you might have save up as much money as you can and leave. Travel the country working for cash, no questions asked, and leave it. Go to Mexico, South America, Just leave the country.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:58 am
You might also try as a last resort the "Planetary Alliance for Fathers in Exile" (PAFE) that provides a way for men to escape their country and start a new life somewhere else. I'm not sure if it is still alive, but it was a world wide network. I think it is gone underground for legal reasons. It also known as the underground railroad for divorced men.
Remember you are not a criminal no matter what the court says. They are the criminals and thugs and your wife part of the system also.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 am
AMan says to Jean Valjean about his advice: That is very bad advice. He loses he's children, goes to jail and has a debtors jail, and comes out with a debt. Do you think they will leave him? While in jail he might get literally get buggered.
Then AMan comes back and gives advice that the poster should leave the country and go into hiding.
Excellent advice AMan. Without even knowing the facts of the case or situation of the poster, you are telling him to simply throw his life away and give up on ever having a relationship with his children.
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
Yes get free leave do not pay resist. Start a new life many have and you can as well and yes the organization still exists and has helped many and still is doing good work. You can start a new free happy life and have new family if you want. American women a bad to begin with, but the laws have made them worse. Never marry or play with an american woman again as you risk loss of your financial future and your freedom.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Doc.
Well done for the selective picking and take it out of context. I stated it should be last resort and it should be an option on the table. Don't make it sound as it is my first choice.
I also mentioned that he should know his wife and should be judge of her. If he can converse with her and come to some arrangement then he should be fine. If he can't he and he knows he has a malevolent witch then most likely he going to get screwed.
I also provided links that he should look at. In the end it's his call, he has to weigh it and realises should he go through the system he might come out with nothing apart form going to prison.
As to losing your life: If he has a bitch for a wife and an ass for a judge then he has already lost it. He will lose everything and has no chance of having another chance to start a new life. He might have already have lost everything.
"telling him to simply throw his life away and give up on ever having a relationship with his children."
I never said that, but one should realise when something is not in ones control. The relationship is not thrown but stolen.
In these situations you can't be too emotional; you need to be cold and analytical. Hard thing to say but it is the truth. He should realise that if he sticks it out seeing his children will only depend on one thing, his x-wife. In the end he might go through everything humanly possible, but still come out with less than nothing. He will come out broken.
He should follow the links provided by Kevin Merk, and because he is not rich he should also acknowledge he will have it much harder.
As to running away, I believe it's a sound option. I think children need fathers more than an ATM machine. Sticking within the system just to pay child support without access to children only encourages the repulsive beast. If he believes that the children will group up fine due to being an ATM machine, then he should stick it out. He can always provide for them from abroad. But, a mother that denies her children access to their father for no reason is not a healthy mother but grotesque woman and no amount of money is going to help his children.
That's all. He should be able to weigh everything out. And the first thing he should do is seek professional help and he link provided by Kevin is a good start.
Now what is your advice Doc?
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
Jean ValJean that was excellent advice. He may as well get himself thrown in jail because That's what he is in already. At least in jail he will get 3 hots and a cot.
If more men took your advice and stopped playing the game then the whole rotten system would collapse. They wouldn't be able to build prisons fast enough to accomodate us. Thanks for the advice.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:41 am
Judges are the only people you can't sue for malpractice. That needs to change. You can present the judge with a
highlighted copy of your constitutional right and they are free to ignore it and smirk in your face.
Why? No consequences.
There is no checks and balance system for the courts as they are monitored by their own.
1.We need a citizens commission to monitor our judicial system.
2. Judges like doctors need to know they can be sued for malpractive. If a judge was sued successfully for malpractice a couple times he would be removed from the bench.
3. My father was 21 years active army and I did 13 years in the national Guard. Should we go to war for a country, that we might die for, that gives us less rights than other people? If we propose not fighting for a country that won't give us equal rights, I think people will have to stand up and take notice.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
http://unitedcivilrights.org/UCRCoA_Board.html
Try the method I posted above first. If you don’t hear back from them right away and you are pressed for time go to this link instead and click on one of the self-help legal people. I hope this helps. Let us know if it does. Take care and good luck. Just remember, you are not alone and there are literally millions of people in the same situation or much worse.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
You sir, have been sold into slavery by our completely lawless government.
And, as you may note from U.S. history, it is not inconsistent for those sold into slavery to also be compelled into military service. This occurred in the confederacy according to wiki:
"The impressment of slaves into direct military labor, initially came on the impetus of state legislatures [17], and by 1864 6 states had regulated impressment (Florida, Virginia, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, and South Carolina, in order of authorization)[18] as well as the Confederate Congress.[19]Slave labor was used in a wide variety of support roles, from infrastructure and mining, to teamster and medical roles such as hospital attendants and nurses.[20]"
Not surprisingly, the confederacy did not think it wise to arm those slaves it forced to work on behalf of its war against freedom.
One hopes that the many layers of U.S. government who act to both enslave American via family court slave orders, and to arm them via the warmongering of Federal government, don't all wind up experiencing a backlash from the increasingly large number of American male slaves who are both militarily trained, and armed.
A review of headlines of cases where violence emerged on the part of fathers embroiled in "family" court proceedings seems to reflect a disproportionate representation of police officers among these fathers accused and/or convicted of fatal violence against a spouse or a spouse's lawyer, for example.
Quite possibly, this is simply explained by the fact that police officers have the same emotional reactions as many others to what they are going through, but unlike non-police officers, they have much better access to and/or familiarity with the tools and methods of fatal violence, so under stress, they do what they know.
So what tragic things could happen in America, if our courts similarly abuse and/or stress men whose training and equipment access goes well beyond that available to the average cop (or pawnshop owner for that matter)? One shudders to think about it. But it would seem that those branches of our government which are so busy sending men into slavery under the pretext of "oh, it's all for the children" are also not thinking about it.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Just so I'm sure I read this right and I'm clear on the matter.
"Since then my wages are garnisheed at 65% and I'm still in arrears by $400 monthly.
They are garnishing the man in the article for 65% which still falls $400 a month short of the amount you must pay? So hypothetically speaking if they took 100% would that still fall short? Is the court ordered amount more than he makes per month?
If so is that because there was a time when he had been ordered to pay support and did not because he could not, was unaware he had been ordered, was garnished but the employer stole it (like the man in the pizza shop) or simply did not pay? The amount is so high as to collect an arrearage?
Or did they just use a really messed up way to calculate the amount?
More facts would be appreciated.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Carl,
The advice to seek legal assistance within the military is about the only solid advice out of 36 responses. The rest are nonsense. On Glenn’s blog, it appears the less one knows, the more willing they are to share it.
Particularly reprehensible are those who advocate showing up for the court date unprepared, unrepresented, and planning to make an ass of the court. Fun to think about but don’t be stupid and actually try it.
Never forget you are playing on their turf with their ball and their rules. Paint a target on yourself and the judge won’t bat an eye locking you up for a period of months to multiple years. If that’s what you think of your life, get counseling, also available in the military.
DanH
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Carl,
As a fellow soldier on active duty, I can tell you from personal expierance that you can forget about getting much help from JAG or Legal Aid, they just don't "do" divorces any more. The best you'll get is a list of local lawyers (or request a list of them for the state that has jurisdiction) that may be able to help you on the cheap, perhaps even Pro Bono, but that's about all you can expect.
In my case, the CPT told me, "Man, they screwed you." Like I didn't know that already.
Sorry brother, wish I had better news for you.
Though, you could always move back on post, eat at the chow hall, etc.. Might save you enough dough to lay out a retainer for one of these sharks. But don't jump on the first one, nor anyone that promisses you the moon.
You may want to check and see if there are any father's rights groups in the area, too. They may have more info available that could help you out, too.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Lawyer or no lawyer you all know what is going to happen to this guy. The best someone can do in this situation is leave the country. Of course you would have to get out of the military first. Then come back in with a different identity. If you would even want to come back.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Carl:
This is another option for you if you have the time to prepare for your case.
http://www.jurisdictionary.com/
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Here is one of the drafts of a letter I recently completed for the California governor after his staff responded to my initial request for assistance. It my shed light on the whole thing from start to finish. I know the system is broke and trust me I'm an advocate now and the rest of my life for father's rights and the right to raise our children, to be a part of their lives.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger,
I would like to first thank you and your staff for taking the time to hear my concerns. It is an issue very near and dear to me, not only involving me, but my children and family and friends who love them as well. I believe this issue also highlights what I see is a fundamental failure in the judicial and legal system to look out for the best interest and welfare of the children in divorce cases. I also feel that while the California judicial system is supposed to weigh all the facts relating to the children and parents, it is one sided towards mothers. Fathers are just as important as mothers in the upbringing of children. Fathers love their children as much as a mother loves her children. I love my children very much. I feel that the system has been allowed to fail in my case due to the nature of the divorce and nun of the parties actually residing in the state of California, nor being official residents of California. The justice system must above all be fair, honest, and do its best to see justice done. It can not be used or taken advantage of or let the spin of lawyers foul its core principles. For those of us who are lower income and have no money it appears that money can buy justice in cases like the one I’m going through. Due to my inability to pay tens of thousands in court and legal fees I am unable to afford justice it would seem. This now brings me to my letter to you, in hopes that justice can be seen through and in hopes I can be a part of my children’s life. I want only the best for children and I know that they love me as much as I love them.
My story starts back in July 2005. I was assigned by the US Army to attend Arabic language training at the Presidio of Monterey, in Monterey, California. I began the course in July 2005 and graduated the course in October 2006. During that time my then wife and children lived with me in military housing in Seaside, California briefly from approximately September 2005 until May 2006, at which time my children, and then wife relocated to my parent’s home in McDavid, Florida, our home of record and legal residence since 2001. She was going to attend nursing school and I was to complete my Arabic training and move on to my next duty station in Ft. Belvoir, Virginia. In October 2006 my then wife, Misty, suddenly left Florida with the children, Aeris and Reise. My parents were concerned as well as the children’s preschool teacher at the manner in which Misty took the children during class with the children crying. She left Florida and traveled to Natchez, Mississippi. The move was so abrupt that she didn’t even take the children’s clothes. After speaking with her she wanted a divorce, was tired of me, tired of the military life, and just wanted to move to where her mom and sisters lived. I had always assumed this was going to happen, but I truly hoped that she would have completed nursing school before we divorced. If nothing else just so she would have a job skill and be able to take care of the kids better. However, it was the second time she started school and withdrew from her classes.
At the direction of the Monterey JAG Legal Assistance office and a private attorney, I filed for divorce and also requested custody of the kids so that they would be in a stable environment. This was under the pretense that the issue would be moved to the Florida courts within the month and to just stabilize the children’s location. I had a home, a family, and a school for the kids that were familiar. I felt it was better than living in a home with Misty’s sister, where multiple people, brothers, children, boyfriends, etc. were living. Since I was scheduled to leave California in the October time frame I did not foresee the courts taking complete and total jurisdiction over the entirety of the divorce, especially since neither party claimed legal residence in California. This is my folly as I now know that the mere fact of me filing for a divorce in California gave them the pretense to take complete jurisdiction. I listened to my attorney who advised me wrong. I’m not a lawyer, so I expected her to know best, but this was not the case. Currently though, it induce a financial hardship on both parties to continue this issue in California due to the extreme distances involved in traveling.
In early October the court of Monterey issued me a sole physical and legal custody order to return the children to my custody pending the divorce proceedings. I immediately traveled to Mississippi, to return my children back to a familiar and stable home. Upon arriving in Mississippi, the Sheriff, Ron Brown, would not enforce California’s orders, furthermore, when I filed a hearing in front of Judge George Ward an Adams County MS judge, he even refused to hear my petition. He would not even step in the court room to hear my petition I filed in MS. To add insult to injury I was only briefly allowed to see my children in the court room under guard, without just cause. There was absolutely no reason for this as I have always been a good parent and law abiding citizen. By the letter of the law at that point in time I was the one with sole legal and physical custody, but was kept from my children, and kept from returning them home.
I returned to California, much saddened by the events in MS, but again tried to bring the issue to the courts in Monterey. They could not even enforce their own orders. I extended my stay in Monterey until very early December in an effort to see justice done, but the whole process was bogged down in the system due to lawyers arguing back and forth and Judges failing to set firm guidelines and put in place effective schedules and orders. A seasoned judge should have been able to see through the smokescreen and use the courts full legal power to make effective orders and create plans that would last, if indeed the court intended to take total and complete jurisdiction over this matter. In addition it should have released jurisdiction to Florida and allowed me to continue the case in my state of legal residence and where the children were when what I consider being kidnapped from me. By the time the case was heard more in depth, late November, early December, my wife had enrolled the kids in an MS preschool and started to entrench them in the state there. Furthermore, due to this the court decided to maintain the status quo and didn’t even care that its previous orders were ignored, or the fact that the children had their own home, school, and extended family to return to.
By January, I was no longer able to afford an attorney, Mary Kurtz (Monterey). I had taken out a personal loan and in the course of three months spent over $10,000 to see justice done. In January the court created very vague temporary orders regarding custody and visitation. The Court also levied a garnishment against my military pay since I was not able to pay the full amount ordered against me. The amount was for $1322 monthly in alimony and child support, and was based on California guidelines, which is a huge disparity from MS guidelines. I was awarded all the community debt as well. The standard and cost of living between the two areas is huge. My ex was allowed to claim a job at the federal minimum wage of $5.15 an hour, even though she previously was working at $10+ an hour. Once the order was set she moved back up to a higher paying job at a bank. Either way she was in no position to take proper care of the children at the time. Even a blind man could have seen this by where the children were living. As I said before, the children had a home, with their own rooms, a pre-school, and a parent that had more time to take care of them. My military schedule at the time allowed me maximum time to spend with the children and their needs, as I was only attending school. Home, work, and school were always 10 minutes apart should any issue arise. I was truly concerned how my children were frequently moved and lived from place to place with their mom and wanted them stabilized for once.
Custody and visitation have always been and issue in this case. I firmly believe that if you look at all the facts, best interest of the children, then primary physical custody should have been with me. I’ve had to fight in court every time I wanted to see my children. I spent thousands trying to see them for Christmas 2006 in Florida for two weeks. I spent hundreds trying to see them for Easter break 2007. Even though the court order said I would get all school holidays and alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving. This would not be the case had I gotten custody. I realize that the kid’s relationship is needed with their mom. Though I may have my own personal opinions or disagree with her actions, I would not try to strain the relationship between Misty and our children. I would not attempt to fetter her visitation without substantial grounds to do so. I have a four bedroom house in Virginia in which the children have their own rooms and no third parties living in the home either. My current wife, Jennifer, is the manager for two Gold’s Gym day care facilities in Lorton, and Lakeridge, Virginia. As a result, day care is free to employees, and I or my current wife, Jennifer are always with the children. Additionally, my community is statistically crime free in regards to where my children are now living. I live next to a middle school in a small clean suburban community. My children are now living in a small apartment, with their mom, aunt (Lacy Wilkinson), and who ever else is there. The educational system in Virginia is ranked at number seven in the nation whereas MS is ranked 49 in the nation. Furthermore, the medical care in my community is statistically better than MS and I live only 20 minutes away from a large military medical facility, Dewitt Hospital. There are so many factors the court did not even look at when they are supposed to consider the best interest of the children. I love my children and only want the best for them. I don’t wish to keep the kids from my ex-wife Misty, but I honestly think that primary custody should have been with me. I would have done everything thing possible to make sure she had as much visitation as possible. I would not have wanted child support as I honestly would have liked her to complete schooling as a Nurse, so she would have a career that could better her self.
At the current time as of me writing this letter this is how the situation stands. The case is still active in California, and the courts will not cede jurisdiction there to another state. Nun of the parties are present there nor have assets in the state of California. I have temporary orders spelling out visitation, but my ex refused to allow me to see the children for Summer vacation 2007 or for any school vacations, especially Christmas and Thanksgiving since my ex had last years. Since June 2007 my ex cut off telephone contact with the children and only recently in December 2007 allowed me to speak with the children. I get to call on Sundays, and I literally only get one to two minutes including call times to talk to the kids. One call a week and this is all I get. How can I have a relationship with our children if this situation is allowed to continue? No one will enforce my rights as a father to see my children. The longer this continues then the more emotional damage it will do to my children. I love them and this is tearing me apart as well as straining my relationship with my son and daughter.
Furthermore, the oppressive amount of child support, alimony, and add-ons ordered against me is possibly getting me kicked out of the Army. For over six years now I have served without issue, not so much as a speeding ticket. I have loved every minute of every day waking up know I can do something that helps people, maybe make a positive difference in someone’s life each and every day. I have been to Iraq twice for a total of 18 months since 2003. I have served our country well and proudly. I enjoy the military service and serving the public and will continue to serve until they tell me I’m too old to serve any longer. My pay was first garnished at %50 of my disposable income. However, this still left me in arrears every month. In September my pay was garnished at %65 and I am still in arrears every month. I am on military salary I can’t work longer or harder for more pay. The amounts were ordered at first $1322, then $1422 as punishment for arrears. At %65 garnishment I am able to pay a little over $900 monthly at my salary. When you look at the math how am I supposed to survive. When you look at the math you see that the children’s needs do not require that much in MS. Furthermore, I firmly believe most of the money for child support and alimony go straight to my ex-wife’s attorney in California. In the state of Florida the custodial parent can be required to account for how the child support is being spent. The situation is grim for me as at this very moment it could cause me to be terminated from the US Army. As a result, I’ll be forced to retrain for a job, work at much less pay in the South Eastern US, the children will lose the excellent health and educational benefits they enjoy as dependants in the military, and I’ll lose a home I hope for the children to one day live in. For all the reasons a soldier can be released from the military this is so wrong. I wish to serve my country for the years to come. It strikes the heart of my moral fiber that the judicial system in California has so horribly failed and that it would put my self and my children in a worse position.
As I’ve stated before I’ve tried several avenues to address this issue. I had a lawyer at the start, but as most people know lawyers aren’t interested in right or wrong, just or unjust, etc. They are interested solely in winning for their client. I just happened to have a really bad one and then I wasn’t there in California for face to face time with the lawyer. Hence thousands of dollars are spent on them putting their individual spin on the argument. I’ve sought help in enforcing the California orders through filing a report with the Monterey county Sheriff’s Office, but they claim they have no jurisdiction. I’ve sought help through the Adams County, MS, Sheriff’s Office, but they will not honor California court orders. I’ve tried to be heard in the courts of Adams County, MS, but I can not even petition the court since California will not release jurisdiction. I’ve sought help through the California Department of Child Support Services, but they don’t even have records of anything related to this case. I’ve sought help through the Monterey County Family Law Facilitator, Peggy Hill, to no avail. I have left dozens of voicemails and she has not once returned my call via another call collect, cell phone, or email. She is supposed to assist people who are not represented or can afford an attorney. I’ve tried numerous avenues, but a quick search reveals that there is very little assistance for fathers and non-custodial parents, whereas there is a wealth of resources for single moms with children.
Governor Schwarzenegger I love my children dearly and wish at the very least to have a proper amount of visitation with them. I love my job as a soldier and counter-intelligence agent in the United States Army. I want to continue to serve our country until I can serve no longer. I ask you and your staff to please look at this issue to see if it can be resolved at any level to a fair solution that will work out for all parties involved and allow my daughter and son to have a loving and lasting relationship with me. If it is one area of justice that can not be allowed to fail it must be where children are involved. Judges and all involved must invest their hearts into their work; they must believe and ensure justice is done. I feel the in my particular case the system has gone horribly wrong and everything and one involved has just become another number or date to get off the calendar. I am asking for nothing more than to be allowed to be a father, to take an active role in my children’s lives, to be allowed to serve my country, and to allow my children to have a relationship with a father that loves and had missed them for so long. Fathers across the nation, especially military fathers, are facing similar situations like mine. Fathers have rights to and deserve time with their children. It should not be a case of who has the most money for lawyers. My ex-wife has moved to another location and will not give me the address. My ex-wife will not allow me to be a part of the decision making process for the religious upbringing of our children. My ex-wife will not let me know who the children’s doctor or teachers are. She, her lawyer, and the California legal system have kept me in the dark regarding my children for the better part of 18 months now. Help me restore my rights to my children. I’m asking you and your office to assist in anyway possible. The time and memories lost with my children can never be replaced, but I can hope that I will be able to spend time with them in the future if this situation is resolved.
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Actually, guys, I didn't say the advice itself was bad, I am referring to the fact that Jay R. called Carl a "moron" or some such thing in his initial comment, and other negative aspects of his post..Carl's not looking for someone to take a highly critical tone toward him; rather I suspect he's hoping for a more friendly approach.
If someone on this board is asked to give advice to a guy whose story Glenn posted, and starts to viciously attack the guy instead, I'm going to advise the guy seeking the advice to ignore such a person.
And that's the name o' that tune :)
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
DanH, since the rest of the advice is "nonsense", I can assume you have never used a phone attorney. I in fact did use myself, in Florida in 2003, and I did get some helpful advice. Thank you.
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Should say did use one myself.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Just a follow up. The divorce began in earnest in October of 06. When my ex took off she did the typical drained the accounts, took what she could. She had it planned from the start. So I had to get my parents to loan me some money until I could route my paycheck into another account so I think that covers October. In November I gave the ex nothing becasue she was living high on the hog with her sisterk, in a house given to them by their Mom. Since her mom and step dad are in the oil business they are fairly well to do. Also my ex had pulled this trick before, running off to her Mom's for a month or two and draggin the kids around with her. December I didn't pay her anything other than some money for gas. In January 07 she got about $300 cash and I paid almost $1600 to ship her personal items into storage since she made such a stink about it in court, I got her junk back to her. In February she got around $600 cash from me. Court order appeared around January, and I didn't see it until late February, as I was in and out doing military stuff. By March my wages were garnished at %50 of my disposable income. So to think I tried to totally skip out on the system isn't correct. I'm getting bled dry, and you must remember I was trying to get a household from California to Virginia and two cars across the country to. So I had money going out in all directions.
Basically like I said before she had this planned out from the start. It was the month I was leaving CA, transferring to VA, and I was going to go to a military school, but put it on hold so I could take care of business. Anyways, I don't consider myself a bad or dishonorable person. My intent is to stay in the military and do everything I can for as long as it takes to be a part of my kids lives. I firmly beleive in our values, way of life, and the Constitution. Its just people in the system that corrupt it. I will always stand against that at whatever level I'm at.
My plans are to battle this out Pro Se. If California wants to keep jurisdiction then so be it, I'll fight there until I get to see my children. My ex can keep wasting money on her women's rights lawyer all she wants. Unless a bulldog of a lawyer wants to step in to assist me I'm not wasting another dime to feed the inept money making system that family law has become. I've always taken the high moral road and will always do so. My charachter is solid past, present, and future. I'm someone that loves his kids and will be a role model for them.
I thank each of your for the advice you have given thus far, even the bad one's. Its o.k. to play devil's advocate sometimes, because my ex's lawyer tries to hit every chink in the armor and she is vicious. So far she hasn't made anything stick, but its just art how she will steer a conversation in front of the kids around to money. Simply amazing and I see exactly how she is doing it, just the commisioner over our case isn't so bright. O.k. again thanks all for the advice. I'll be checking the blog intermittently.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Carl,
You need to seek assistance thru JAG. By federal law they are not able to take from you mor ethe amount of your BAH with dependants. Check with you legal afffairs office on this as it may have changed but you are afforded protections under Military Law that California has to honor regardless of cirumstances.
Also if you are on active duty it might be in your best interests to move on post. At least you cannot be bothered by the Police showing up at your door without them first going thru the MP Civil law enforcement liason.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Corey: Thank you for finally giving more details. It makes it much easier for someone to give you qualified and appropriate advice or suggestions.
First suggestion: When recounting your story - keep it brief and to the point.
Second - writing to the Governor of California was a waste of time, sorry to say. Yes, it makes his staff aware of your concerns - but they have read thousands of letters like yours.
Third - your filing for divorce in California gave California absolute jurisdiction over your case regardless of your residency claims now. By filing in California, you effectively waived residency requirements and submitted yourself to the jurisdiction of California. Nothing can change that aspect now.
Fourth - It is not clear if your divorce has been finalized or if you are still operating under temporary orders.
Fifth - your accounting of what you have paid out - such as shipping costs, etc. - and the cash payments will not be reflected in the accounting of the child support paid. You are hurting your own case with that type of activity.
Sixth - as long as there is litigation or case activity in the case, California can not close out the case which would allow it to be transfered to another jurisdiction.
This is now where you have some major problems, under the law.
You can register the existing orders in MS under the purviews and provisions of UIFSA and ask that they be enforced. You must register them only for enforcement and not for modification purposes.
It appears, from your recital, that the original order giving your sole custody has been reversed or rescinded, and you have only visitation rights. MS should honor that portion of the order. Once the order has been registered, then you can bring contempt of court charges against your ex for the visitation issues. Do not raise any other issue in that hearing.
If you are operating under temporary orders, then your ex can object to the registration and enforcement of the orders, and she will probably prevail. Thus, it is important for you to close out the case in California.
Once the case in California is closed out you can then proceed with new legal activity. You could register the order file in Virginia, but it is likely that the court will refuse jurisdiction because it does not have jurisdiction over the children. That means that you would have to file in Mississippi.
Filing in Mississippi is basically the only option that you have. You may be able to get the child support and alimony reduced. That would be beneficial to you. Unless you can prove that your ex is an "unfit mother" according to MS standards, you stand little chance of gaining sole or even shared custody. Working against you are a few factors:
1. You are still in the military, and subject to deployment. Care of the children during that deployment would automatically revert to your ex, which means that the children would be "uprooted" to go to Mississippi to live.
2. You are not a resident of Mississippi.
3. The children have been with the mother, as their primary care giver for the majority of their lives - which is emphasized by your deployments to Iraq.
4. The children are established in Mississippi - they are going to school there.
The fact that your ex planned all of this is immaterial. I am sure that she as many compelling reasons for her actions as you do for yours. Basically, even though the court will listen to those reasons, they don't amount to diddly squat at the end of the day.
From a legal perspective - yes, you screwed up. Given that you are already re-married, I would suspect that was part of your motivation for filing in California. That fact alone will give credibility to your ex's actions - so be careful on how you start throwing stones and rocks.
You submitted to the jurisdiction of California. Your ex, by responding, also submitted to the jurisdiction of California. From a legal perspective, she was very smart to do so. The reason is that it ties your hands very effectively. If her lawyer is smart, and it appears that she is, she will keep that case active in California as long as possible. It keeps you from doing anything meaningful.
One thing that you must understand is that California can issue orders all day and all night. Those orders are good only in California. California can not direct or order another state to do something or not do something. Similarly, it can not meaningfully order your ex to do anything because it does not have physical jurisdiction over her. What that means is that California can not punish her for not following its orders. The only way that it can punish her is if she sets foot in California and happens to get arrested there. As long as she stays out of California, she is basically, free as a bird and can do as she pleases.
California, by nature, is very protective of its court orders no matter what court they are issued in. (Civil, family or criminal.) Despite what others will tell you, it has nothing at all to do with IV-D or the child support that is being paid. I have seen similar cases in the past, where no child support was ordered at all, where California was very reluctant to give up jurisdiction over a case. As long as the case is still being litigated, under California laws, it remains the property of the State of California.
The longer that the case is litigated in California, the higher the arrears are going to be. That incurs the 9 or 10% interest that California tacks on to the arrears. The sooner that you can get a modification, the better off you will be. Even if it is in Mississippi.
I can not give you legal advice. I can only tell you what I would do in your situation. What I would do would be to cease all litigation of the case and let it die a natural death. Quit antagonizing all of the parties - your ex, her lawyer and the court. Let them think that they have won, and that you are beaten down and are going to do nothing else. They then back off, feeling secure that it is over and done with. Then you hit them in their own back yard.
Under the law - and the way that the laws are written and interpreted - that is your only option. UIFSA can help you - but only after California no longer considers your case to be active. It is active as long as there are hearings scheduled and there isn't a final determination.
As for the other advices you have seen here - some of it is worthless. You have to be the judge of what is, and what isn't.
Publicizing your case is only going to cause you more problems. No one can do anything until the case has been finalized. Ignoring court orders will do the same - cause you more problems.
Research California law and UIFSA. (Uniform Interstate Family Support Act) Despite its name, it also deals with jurisdictional questions and issues, which is what you are facing right now.
Good luck.
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:24 pm
I recently tried to move the case to Adams County, MS, however the judge, George Ward there will not hear the petition. California has to voluntarily give up jurisdiction. I did have a trial date set for March 07, but the opposing attorney had it vacated. We set another trial date for May 07, but a matter of days before the trial the opposing attorney once again got the trial vacated. Then in August 07 she made a motion in which I was not given the opportunity to respond to re-open discovery and in the same month modified my child support order to a higher amount in which I was not afforded to the opportunity to respond. For the most part of the Fall I was away at training and well the ex new I wouldn't be around to send in responses so I assume this is why they chose that time frame. As of now I'm moving to get this thing wrapped up. There are no issues that involve land, large sums of money, vehicles, etc. The only issue is the ex wants a %0 time share w/ only supervised visitation in MS and I want apporximately %20 time share, with most longer school holidays and the summer to go to me, due to the distances involved. Weekend or afternoon visits won't work in our case.
While I am subject to deployment I do have the liberty to choose when I wish to go and if I have the children then I will not be on deployment at all. This is a given due to the work I do. My motivation for filing in CA was at the advice of the JAG attorney, and the private lawyer I retained. At the time I thought it was the best plan, but I walked into the situation blind. Instead of researching it myself, I tried to let my attorney deal with the issue. I was naive for doing so. My ex and I had been seperated for the better part of a year, not always physically. I figure June 05 was the date we gave up on the marriage, just filing took a while. She actually had papers from MS, and claims I filed one day ahead of her.
Anyways, I'm continuing the research. One thing that would be helpful. Do any of you know where to find examples with guides for California Family Law forms?
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Just to keep sight of the bigger picture regardless of what I think about my ex or what she thinks about me. Its been now nine months since I have been allowed to see the children. No other reason, than she sees the kids as her property and tool in which to hurt me. Why today I got my once a week phone call and was allowed to talk to my daughter and son for about 50 seconds, yes that is 50 seconds. When my little girl started to ask me when she could see me my ex took the phone from her and said she was finished talking. I deserve time with our children and the deserve to have me in their life. No father should have to fight for visitation unless there are substantial derogatory grounds not to allow visitation. For the system to make fathers constantly have to go to court just to enforce basic rights is wrong. Kids are being used as tools to gain leverage on one side or the other and this can not be allowed to continue. I may be screwed legally, but I won't quit, not where my children are concerned. Of one thing I am sure is that the ex will do everything in her power to erase me from the children's memories.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Corey:
California will not give up jurisdiction as long as there are issues before the court. Plain and simple. No exceptions.
You can continue to play the litigation game there in California. Your ex's lawyer can keep on getting the case continued. Remember - it is in her client's best interests if she does that. Your ex's lawyer is doing what a good lawyer should be doing - protecting her client's interests.
I am not a lawyer. Over the years, however, I have been brought up on charges of unauthorized practice of law. Even though California can not touch me legally - I am still not going to give you legal advice. I will tell you only what I would do in this type of situation.
Even if you get 20% time share, your next hurdle will be to get Mississippi to honor it. As long as there is litigation pending, California is not going to release the case. One more time: As long as there is litigation pending, California is not going to release the case. So, Mississippi can't figure into the equation right now.
I would drop the claim for visitation. It is not an "end all" decision. It is a legal maneuver that is in your best interests. Right now, you have nothing. If you have a court order that no one will enforce, you still have NOTHING.
You can raise the issue again in another court. Not pursing the issue now WILL NOT prejudice your case later on. When a different court that has true jurisdiction will accept jurisdiction, you can then petition for modifications and anything and everything else. Once there is nothing else pending before the California court, California will be happy to release jurisdiction.
My gut level reaction is that California will give your ex what she wants for the simple facts that she is the primary care giver of the children and you both live in different states. California is going to take the easy way out and protect their own ass.
Look at it this way: California gives you what you want. OK. Fine. You have the kids for your allotted time and something goes wrong - one of the kids gets killed or harmed.. Everyone will blame the courts in California for enabling something to go wrong. The Court doesn't want that type of publicity or problem. So - the court will be very happy to keep things status quo, with the full knowledge that later you can get another court to deal with the issue. But then, if something does go wrong while you have the kids, the burden is on a different court and California can easily say that they made the right decision to begin with.
The next step for your ex's lawyer to take, if she thinks the court might order otherwise, is to request a home study - which you will have to pay for. More time, and more aggravation. I can see where she can keep you tied up there in California for a good 2 to 5 years without any resolution of the case.
Another thing working against you is that you do not have a lawyer. The court will rationalize, correctly or incorrectly, that if you can not afford to hire an attorney to represent your interests, how can you possibly have enough money to look out for the interests of your children? (Don't try to argue this one in court - you will be laughed out of the court room.)
Even though the courts are supposed to look at pro-se litigants with respect, they typically do not. Pro-se litigants typically waste the courts time with frivolous pleadings and try to make legal arguments that do not have anything to do with their own case or actually support the other side's arguments. They typically have a different view of what is fair and equitable that is not supported by the existing law. So - as a pro-se litigant, you are automatically handicapped.
One more time: As long as there is litigation pending, California is not going to release the case.
I would simply file a Motion to Dismiss Without Prejudice and let the case die. Technically, you do not have to give any reason for the Motion, however you can include reference to the expense involved in prosecuting the case. Make no other references. Any other references and the Court can deny your Motion. Once the case is dead, you can then do something. Right now you are hamstrug.
To find California court forms, do an Internet search. I do not have that information handy.
As a further note: Do not be too harsh on the JAG lawyer or the one that you hired. A lawyers knowledge is limited only to the experiences that they have had with other cases. The vast majority of cases that they have dealt with do not involve the issues that you have, and could not have been foreseen. They were looking at the easiest and simplest way to get you what you wanted - a divorce. Unless a lawyer deals with Interstate issues - which most lawyers don't in family court - they have no knowledge of what can happen. Over the years I have educated many lawyers on this particular subject - and conducted seminars on this very subject for lawyers who were happy to pay me a lot of money for the knowledge. They also were able to get CLE's out of it.
Rest assured that you could not have researched this issue in advance because you would not have had an idea of what you were looking for.
It is up to you on what you do from this point on. It is your time. Your resources. Your personal aggravation. You can do it wisely or you can try to do it a different way. As long as your case is active in California, you aren't going to accomplish anything. You ex has a lawyer. You don't. There is an old saying: The man who represents himself is a fool. That is not always the case - but in your case, think about it. You have absolutely no experience in this area, nor the appropriate knowledge. When I tell you that no court wants to take responsibility for a bad decision, you can believe it. That is one of the biggest obstacles that the FRM faces with the judiciary. They are being asked to make what could well be considered to be arbitrary and capricious decisions that could cause harm to someone else.
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Cory: I can understand and appreciate your passionate plea. In an ideal or utopian world, things would not be this way.
However, this is the way the legal system works. It shouldn't necessarily work this way - but it does. This is the real world.
You are coming around a bit. You are acknowledging that "the ex will do everything in her power to erase me from the children's memories."
It is not my place, nor anyone else's place here to say that she is justified or not justified in her desires. That is something that you have to battle out in court.
You state: I may be screwed legally, but I won't quit... OK. Fine.
I am advising you on how to fight smart. Some times one has to play dead to get what they want or desire.
Think of this scenario: You keep on fighting in California for the 20%. Let's say that the court does give you what you want. If you ex is dedicated, and has the resources, which she seems to have, all she has to do is appeal the order that is in your favor. Where does that leave you then? You won one battle, but the war continues because with the appeal, the court case is still open. That means you can not have anything enforced anyplace, by any court. Appeals can last 2 to 3 years or more.
The other scenario is you win in California - after a long, protracted battle there. The case goes to Mississippi. As soon as it is registered there, she files for a modification of the California order. You then have to fight for the 20% all over again. So, you fight for it two times.
Drop the case in California. Let her win one battle. Then take the war to her in Mississippi where you can get some relief. The longer that you go without direct contact with your kids, the more damage that can be done. So, shorten the time.
You shorten the time by backing off now and then going after her and the issue in her own back yard.
It is not who wins the battle - and that is all that you have going right now. It is who wins the war.
You are going to have to fight for the 20% in the end anyway. Fight for it only one time, and fight in the battle field that gives you the best advantage. Why fight twice if you only need to fight one time?
Her lawyer is using the laws and legal strategies to your ex's best interests. You need to use the laws and legal strategies to your best interests. When you file for a modification in Mississippi, you are not bound by the record that has been created in California. It all becomes a whole new case that will be decided on the merits there in Mississippi.
Doc
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:45 pm
The CS and SS may have been set when he was being paid BAH, he would have been getting BAH with dependants, even if he was living in housing. The delay between the time of filing and the setting of CS could have been substantial, that very well could account for his arrears. JAG and his chain of command would have told him to pay the BAH amount to her since it is what the military would require absent a court order.
Remember once he left CA his cost of living allowance decreased along with his BAH. An order from CA would still be based on the CA cost of living allowance and BAH levels.
Yes he can be discharged for non-payment of debt. All it takes is a few Article 15s, a commander that doesn't give a damn about him, and some paperwork.
A service member does not have to be a resident of a state for a case to be "heard" and finalized in that state. Hell, i'm a resident of MI, but have been subjected to LA laws, not much difference as far as the raping is concerned, but the order is from here, so I am stuck with it.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:31 am
Actually your biggest mistake was not snatching the kids from MS and getting them to California when you had the Orders in your hands of sole custody. You are the bio father and you should have taken that avenue but of course nobody would have told you to do it that way but it would have worked.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Bureaucratic totalitarianism. DCSS does what they want, whenever they want to do it and they answer to no one but themselves.
As far as an attorney, all I can say is, (speaking from personal experience) buyer beware.
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Carl,
My initial comment on this thread was sarcastic and harsh. I imagine you were offended, and I apologize. In part this was triggered by your reference to seeking a lawyer's assistance. You probably are not aware of the number of posters here who consider any lawyer to be a parasite who is actively trying to maintain the abusive DV, Child Support and Criminal Justice systems. They are certainly entitled to their opinions, of course. But they are hypocrites, which will be revealed the moment any of them need legal assistance.
Even more, though, my frustration about the epidemic of situations like yours overwhelmed my sense of personal sympathy for you. This frustration is heightened by knowing that the time anyone should seek legal advice is BEFORE they get their ass in a jam (its the "look" in "look before you leap!") That is when legal advice is both CHEAPEST and MOST VALUABLE. Marriage and fatherhood are basically contracts -- obligations enforceable by the state, with grave and life-altering consequences. My response to you was basically a frustrated plea to young men everywhere to be smart, and get some advice, and perspective, before jumping into the shark tank that "wedded bliss" has become for too many.
I do wish you the best of luck getting out of the jam you've gotten yourself into.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Corey,
By now your story has been viewed by thousands of different visitors to this blog, only a handful have offered advice or guidance and not a one give any hope of a quick or fair resolution to your situation.
That fact is a reflection of the sad truth that it will most likely be quite some time before you regain a meaningful relationship with your children.
I share your frustration and anger, I'm sure most others here feel the same way .
I suggest that you archive this thread in some way so that you can share it with your children for the day that they ask, "Why did you abandon us?"
Hang in there brother.
Gary
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Jay its fine I have a thick skin, so no offense taken. I value all opinions good, bad, and nuetral. I have to keep in mind that my ex's attorney will try to take anything I say or do and make me out to be a villan. Fact is that as most of us know the family court and laws need a major overhall to get back something that resemble fairness and justice. I agree with most others out there that we single fathers are one large unrepresnted block of voters. As more people become aware and more of our stories get out, maybe somewhere the system will start to change. As for me I will be a life long advocate for father's rights and the right to be a parent. I'll do what I can when I can.
As for lawyers, yeah, I can't afford to pay $300 or more and hour that it would cost in CA. Its not an option, I just have to continue Pro Se, and when the time comes I can look my kids in the eye and tell them I never quit, never gave up, and did everything I could. I keep a diary for them and also right letters, as my ex won't give me here new address, I'll just keep them until I get it or until the kids see me.
As for getting the kids from MS, I would have and that was the plan. However, when I was near the kids I had a sheriff's deputy right over me, and to make a long story short, I had to leave Natchez, MS and get a hotel across, the river in Vidalia, LA. My ex and her family seem to be very well connected in that town. I'll share an email she sent me below.
(9 Oct 2005)
"well since you want to call the cops about the kids corey, i'll give you a few people to talk to.
mike mullins, chief of police
randy freeman, constable
randy maxwell, sheriff
call them and have them come. they all know my family here and have for many years and the constable is one of my mom's soap customers. So if you think you can try to do damage to me. call, and have a laugh in your face. like i said beofre, the last copy thought you were crazy. like i said to you on the phone, do not call me, i'll call you once a week and have you talk to the kids. i'll let you know before hand when i call so it does not get in the way of the gym for you"
March 4th, 2008 at 1:03 am
Going to JAG isnt always helpful I know we have been in 15 years alot of times their hands are tied because it is a civilian court. The sad thing about this is that the state knowing you were in the military loved the chance to come after you because they knew they could get the money garnished no questions asked once they had the court order. I wish I could help you more but unfortunatly I am about in the same position different terms along with my husband . Good luck and If I hear of ANYTHING I will leave you a message.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:25 am
WOW!!! I am a women and I am involved with with "men issues" as I see it in the best interest of children for all good men to have equal relationships with their children in the children's best interest. Children need both parents, and it's the parents who divorce not the children. I also have huge issues about "patenity fraud" as I think no fraud should ever pay.
However I have to say a large portion of the men who are posting on this blog make good fathers and men look bad and undermine everything I am working for. GROW UP!!! Your words, attitudes, and example are making it worse for the good fathers out there.
This may sound mean but to watch you guys argue it is no wonder that only in recent years as a growing women are starting to get involved with issues of shared custody, child support, and false paternities because of how it affecets their step-kids, grandchildren, neices and nephews, and own children that real movement has begun to be made. Not to tear down the endless effort of those like Glen Sacks, Carnell Smith, and Jeffery Leving's, but if you all acted and organized a little more like them all those issues would be history our kids would be reading about in school...not our reality today.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:51 am
The only option I can think of is to go to the JAG office to get help if the child support happened on active duty then you should be able to get a stay on the proceedings. I know legislation should have passed in congress for this. You will also need to most likely get a writ of assistance along with your court order (make sure it is signed by a judge to make it an order. A mediated agreement will not work on its own, its a matter of going in ex parte and getting it signed by a judge. I was X Air Force Active Duty as a E-2 and they took 50% of my wages and during the summer I had to pay Day Care at $400 a month. Luckily I lived on base and could walk to work since I couldnt afford gas, or car insurance. Also check to see if California has a self support reserve. If they do most likely you should make $890 a month take home if you dont get this then you can go in and petition the court to overturn the order. Do not use a lawyer they are trash. Use Paralegals tell them what you need and go into court on your own with your complaint.
Hope this helps,
JC
March 4th, 2008 at 3:00 am
Cory please also contact the state bar associations of both states. I was able to get a pro bono attorney that helps active duty parents. I got one out of Oregon and this helped me greatly.
Hope this helps. Our country does not look after its own anymore and this is why I left the military the whole country is immoral from top to bottom. This is why I left the US.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Hi, Try this for a solution. It worked for me. For the first time in 5 years my support is now based on my real income not some artificially high court mandated amount.
As your wages are being garnished meet with your local Child Support Enforcement office (CSE). It is usually part of your state's Dept of Revenue. Have them file for a motion to get your support reduced based on your actual income and include zero due against past arrears. Make sure you have all your income details at the ready. It took me 2 months to get a hearing. The CSE did all the negotiation with my ex resulting in a very satisfactory result for me. And without any attorney. The judge approved my motion about 1 week later.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Gosh, I feel so sorry for him. We have been in the same situation for over 20 yrs. My hubby was in the military in Germany when his ex did the same thing in Ohio. The military wouldn't give him leave & he was told by a military lawyer he couldn't fight it. That child support could do what they wanted. When I met him he was going to college, working 2 part time jobs & living on commodity cheese & bologna to pay child support. We could find tons of lawyers willing to help get child support, none to fight it. Garnishment was at times 65%, no contact was allowed despite her being in contempt because of it. We were made homeless twice because of it, put on welfare & food stamps for my daughter, had a child with disabilities & needs we couldn't meet & if not for my mom's death still would still be homeless or in the projects. Even took tax refunds we wouldn't have gotten if not for my daughter & our son with the disabilities. Our cars are 1982 models, both kids (now 34 & 30 with kids of their own) hate him because of the lies she told. Though in 2000 we were told we owed no support OR back arrears as soon as he found a job they began garnisheeing us again claiming we owed over $11,000. The list goes on. CCE doesn't care about the kids. All they care about is getting money back they might have spent on welfare, etc. for the mom.
Because she won't allow visitation possibly the Alliance for Single Parents could help. There doesn't seem to be any justice for men anymore when it comes to children. Yet they do little to nothing if a woman doesn't pay. At this point all I can do is pray for you. But if I hear of anything I'll let you know.
March 4th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Welcome to our club; I wish I had words of encouragement for you, but alas I have none. The one thing I can think of is work for term limits of no more than two terms so that Congress is more responsive to those who elect them.
March 4th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
You should see if you can talk to the JAG. If you are reservist in active duty status or active duty. You have rights a little higher then states rights. This could still be a fight, but better then nothing. I'd see if something from the soldier and sailor relief act could help.
I feel for you and good luck.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
We would like to get your story and contact. CRISPE is San Diego is collecting these stories of Service man and women being screwed by the system and compiling the information for a Veteran's Rights Group to lobby for better protections and get the SCRA to have teeth against public officials that willful violate it.
Please send it to: crispeinfo@crispe.org
Marcy Ganz
San Diego, CA
http://crispe.org
March 4th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I'll try to keep up with the blog as best I can. However, if anyone wishes to contact me please try my email patryn8@aol.com
I don't mind sharing my story or answering questions. I'll pursue all leads and advice given here in the mean time. I did contact the Alliance for Single Parents, but it requires hourly rate. This month the ex figured out how to get an extra $300 out of my paycheck each month and military finance messed up my allotment for housing. Sent the allotment to the old place. So things are tight. I'm making it on about $250 a week I guess to pay things such as electricity, water, sewer, garbage, etc. However I would like to hear about the Alliance for Single Parents.
As far as military JAG. I went to them the first time at my new duty station and he says they don't have the time or resources to advise me Pro Se. I go to them a second time and a different one tells me that I'm just screwed, nothing they can do, that I need to pay the child support or face UCMJ. Luckily my command knows the situation and will not actively pursue anything. I've got that going for me. I went to JAG a third time and the female JAG tells me she can't help and I shouldn't villify my ex. I was so angry with that one as I have not done the name calling, I've not harrassed the ex, or anything. I've just always insisted on my right to visitation, if I can't have custody. JAG lawyers that sit in the legal assistance office on most posts (Army) are just put out to pasture. They deserve the reputation they have.
Also if any of you guys are around Washington D.C. I'm in that neighborhood, just on the Virginia side.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Marcy Ganz Corey has not been screwed by the system. What he is experiencing has nothing to do with him being a serviceman either.
Corey's biggest problem is that he started a proceeding for divorce without knowing of all the possibilities of that decision. That is no one's fault - the system, his lawyers, nor his fault - one can not, in the legal world, plan for every possible contingency.
His ex has money to fight him, and has a damned good lawyer. He does not have a lawyer.
This is the way it is in the real world. Those with the money make the rules that everyone else has to play by. It is that way any place that one goes.
The California judge is playing by the legal rules that have been set up. Those laws were written by the legislators that are elected by the people of California.
The Mississippi courts are doing the same.
The laws apply to everyone equally as long as someone knows how to use those laws to benefit them.
What Corey needs to learn how to do is play by the rules and try to get on an even playing ground. Right now, he is being subjected to the rules and he is fighting that, which is only prolonging his misery. As long as he keeps his case in California, the problem will continue if not get worse.
But, no. He is not getting screwed over because he is a service man. Ultimately, it would appear that he is becoming his own worst enemy. That is what sinks most people in the divorce courts.
Corey: you have e-mail.
Doc
March 5th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Jacinta,
what are you talking about? I think you are on the wrong blog.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Get Discharged Pack up and leave as quickly as possible. Contact organizations that will help you leave. Do not become a martyr. Take care of yourself first. You are a victim here and being abused. There is much more than most of you realize stacked against this man and many others feeling the pain and sorrow of a corrupt system.
ONCE AGAIN LEAVE START A NEW LIFE. The lifestlye you can have is far better overseas than the indentured servitude you have been sentenced to. There are many options that are far better that do not involve giving you life up to a county or state.
March 5th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I thought Abe Lincoln freed the slaves and we had a war over it. It is mind boggling how the system expects you to live on 35% of your income and punishes you if you stop working. Although you have a legal right to see your kids the system says "screw you just pay up and shut up" I wish I had some way to help you, What I always tell people is that the US is the reverse of Saudi Arabia when it comes to family law. Yours is just another example of the draconian justice system that is beyond broke and unresponsive to any measure to petition it for justice. I wish I could say that bringing this matter to the media would have help in changing the laws but to me it seems the media is just wasting away in dog and pony shows all the while telling us that is what the people want. There must be underground dad's rights groups that can help you get a new life just like witness relocation. I am sorry I cant be of any more help.
March 5th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Doc is right on target with his posts. However, what needs to be done once the CA petition is dismissed is to file a UCCJEA petition to move the jurisdiction to MS, which is the "convenient forum" for information related to the children's "health, education and welfare", plus MS is now the children's legal place of residence. Jurisdiction follows the children, not the parent, so there is no way you can file in VA or FL.
You also are not presenting valid arguments for your modification (bigger house, etc.) as no court will penalize a parent who lives in an apartment, etc. The court will be interested only if the children are in school and that their basic needs are met by the mother. You need to present a strong case regarding the pattern of behavior regarding refusal to allow visitation and contact, and the mom's transience if she is frequently moving. Also, if the ex is indeed earning a more substantial income and it is at least a 30% different than at the time of the order (you claim the increase was immediate), then you have the right to modify the child support order as long as your information is valid.
As Doc said, Corey is making his problems worse and he is not being "screwed by the system". He is the one who voluntarily submitted to the CA jurisdiction by not filing in the home state to begin with. If the children and the ex were still in Florida at the time of the initial filing, his attorney should have discussed the jurisdiction issue at that time and advised him to file in Florida. Down the road he could have requested the change in jurisdiction if there were problems, but it would have followed the children to MS. It is surprising that his ex's attorney didn't argue the jurisdiction issue and stop any custody action in CA. It's a shame neither party had good representation or this debacle wouldn't be occurring now.
As I have said repeatedly, the laws are there along with the various remedies but they must be used and applied appropriately. The only statement Corey made where I think he was possibley "screwed" was that he says it cost $2000 to serve the ex in Florida. That is ridiculous and unreasonable and makes no sense. One must only "assume" that his attorney had no idea how to serve someone out of state. In Florida, the average price for even a private process server is under $100 and if the request were made properly the local FL sheriff would have served her for the standard fee which is aroung $32. One call to the FL sheriff or to the court clerk would have told Corey's attorney what the fee was and what they needed in a service packet and return of service paperwork. Then the court would have sent everything on to FL and she would have been served. Perhaps it cost $1900 for the attorney to figure out how to do it.
One guarantee is that CA will be glad to release jurisdiction, especially since they have no personal jurisdiction over any of the parties and essentially no longer have any subject matter jurisdiction over the custody issue. The problem in this case is that CA has not been legally, formally asked to relinquish jurisdiction and MS has not been legally, formally asked to assume it. The only reason the case is still in CA is that this young man keeps insisting on maintaining the jurisdction by bringing actions in that court..
I would also suggest that when you are ready to proceed in MS that you first speak with a qualified Collaborative Law professional in MS to learn about alternatives to long drawn out custody proceedings. I only know of one currently certified in the county your ex is in. While he isn't in Natchez, he practices in the county. His name is Sid Davis and it would be well worth your while to at least consult with him before proceeding. He has a web site: www.siddavis.com and you could learn a bit about collaborative practice by taking a look before you just blindly seek legal counsel from the yellow pages or, worse, from Bar referrals.
March 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
A short response to Robert Kerr:
CA accepted jurisdiction because Corey resided, at the moment, in CA and mistakenly filed there and his ex accepted the jurisdiction by responding and submitting herself to the jurisdiction without argument. One only has to look at the dates as presented by Corey to know what he should have done. You can't just blame child support enforcement for the mistakes made by the litigants and/or their legal counsel from the outset.
March 5th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Judi: Disagree with the UCCJEA petition. It all needs to be done under UIFSA. Faster. Less time consuming. Cheaper.
Actually, the ex has an excellent attorney. Keeping everything in California is to the benefit of the ex. That way Corey has no recourse at all. Especially true if he keeps on fighting everything that goes on in California.
Know the arguments to make once the case gets to Mississippi. Have to get it there first. Then we can jump through those hoops with him.
Doc
March 5th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Doc -
I read your post (don't know why it isn't appearing here) and I disagree. UIFSA is simply for support enforcement and does nothing to change jurisdiction regarding the custody. The only UIFSA filing which could have any merit is one filed by support enforcement to insure collection in Virginia, and since Corey is military pay it would be of little use anyway. He can't get his custody issue to MS without a UCCJEA petition. A UIFSA application simply asks the state where the obligor resides to help enforce......not modify......a sister state's support order.
Apparently you are more intimately aware of Corey's case, but even that being the case his ex has no grounds to retain CA jurisdiction if his argument is appropriately filed. As I said, CA has no subject matter jurisdiction over the custody issues anymore and he is wasting time and money by not appropriately using the remedies availabale to him. Once he has nothing on the custody issue pending in CA he can then appropriately take the necessary steps to ask MS to assume jurisdiction by filing the petition to modify based on the convenient forum of the UCCJEA. I deal with CA on a regular basis and they have no problem relinquishing jurisdiction when the criteria is met. It is fully met in this case and both judges would be highly suspicious if the mother didn't want the "battle" in her own arena.
MS has good custodial interference laws and actually revised and strengthened their code in 2001. Mom's behavior will not be taken lightly by the courts there. Dad has a good chance of at least a degree of modification and enforcement of any orders. The UCCJEA supporting argument isn't that drawn out or costly, especially given the circumstances in this case. It should be relatively cut and dried.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
As before JAG and the private attorney I retained in CA advised me that the divorce petition had to be filed in CA. I blindly listened to both as the month of October 06 I was testing out of Arabic after 18 months. The intention was for the case to transfer to Florida by November 06 and I was told this would be easily done. Other Since October I've only filed to have visitation enforced, once for Christmas, then for Easter. Since then it has been my ex's attorney filing for two trial dates, a settlement conference in which she wouldn't even talk to me about the issues, and then reopened discovery in August/September when I was away or TDY so no chance to respond or disagree.
The serving process took place in MS, and I handled that through the sheriffs department though I had to file legal papers through the clerks there, becasue Sheriff Ron Brown of Adams County MS, would not even serve the papers until the courts there ordered him too. It was rather cheap around $100 approximately.
My next move once again is to petition California to cede jurisdiction to MS. Its in the works.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I 100% agree with kenboiraq (March 2nd post). I was in the military and was receiving basic allowance for subsistence (BAS), which is a food allowance to keep me, and me alone, healthy to wage combat operations against all enemies of the U.S., foreign and domestic. I was also receiving BAH (..Housing) for my primary dependent (my spouse); HOWEVER, the state of Illinois took 20% of everything including the allowances (which by federal statute were designated for individuals in my family other than the child I was to pay support), which actually made the percentage closer to 38%, but they would argue that they were following the state guidelines of 20% garnishment for a single supported child. When it comes to the divorced military member, states see a gravy train. It was an incredible burden and I suffered tremendously because of the garnishment, but my current wife eventually filed a support order with our locality so that I could submit it to DFAS, causing DFAS to prorate the garnishments which had the effect of slashing my ex-wife's payment by 2/3. Boy, was she pissed, but I was able to pay her on my terms and not on hers. If you wish to know the details, write me back lappster@hotmail.com.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
You've got mail JLapp
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Corey:
The solution to your parenting time problems somewhat depends upon whether the custody and parenting time order and/or the judgment of divorce in California is a final order. I assume that it is final since the divorce was filed in October 2006 and a final judgment must have entered by now.
As of June 20, 2007 the only states that have not adopted the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act [UCCJEA] are Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont. This is the body of law to which you should turn. UIFSA does not apply to custody or parenting time issues. Mississippi's UCCJEA is found here: http://www.lrcvaw.org/laws/msuccjea.pdf
Enforcement of parenting time. Even if your custody order is not a final order, it can be registered under the UCCJEA for enforcement in MS. Registration does not require a judicial hearing. It is a rather simple administrative matter. There are limited grounds for objecting to registration, and none would apply to your case. You will find sample forms for UCCJEA registration on my website at http://www.traversecityfamilylaw.com/Pages/UCCJEA.htm Please feel free to make use of them.
Once your order is registered, it must be enforced by local law enforcement as though it were an order of the State in which you register it (MS in your case). Registration is not expensive.
Modification jurisdiction: Quite frankly, unless you can prove a substantial change in circumstances or good cause that has arisen since the entry of the most recent custody/parenting time order, (getting a larger house or preference of the children will not suffice), you won't have grounds to modify the CA custody/parenting time order. So why go to the trouble and expense of establishing jurisdiction in MS?
Under the UCCJEA, the CA court has lost its exclusive, continuing jurisdiction to modify its decree because it has lost its significant connection status and also because the children, both of the children’s parents, and any person acting as the children’s parent no longer live in the State. CA doesn’t have a say as to whether its jurisdiction continues if you file a modification motion in MS, because MS can determine that all parties identified in the statute have left CA. See Section 3422 of California's UCCJEA. http://www.lrcvaw.org/laws/cauccjea.pdf
You'll also find a link to a very informative bulletin from the U.S. Department of Justice on my website (at the above link) explaining the UCCJEA.
If your former wife allows a child molester to move in with her and the children, then obviously, you'd have grounds for modification. Her refusal to provide necessary medical, dental, psychological treatment, etc. would provide you with grounds for modification. Modification proceedings are not a piece of cake, however, and the longer your former spouse has primary custody, the slimmer the chances of modifying it.
And yes, I am a lawyer. I do not think of myself as a blood-sucking bottom-feeder. I think that Glenn S will probably say a good word for me. ;-)
Jeanne
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
So far the court orders are still temporary. We have had two trial dates vacated, then a few months later reopened discovery. The ex's lawyers is skillful in delaying this whole case. I did try to register the orders in MS, but the department of child support services, nor the courts will allow me to register. However, I'll pursue the leads and advice above. Its all very good info I can use and have not seen yet. Thanks for the great advice.
May 4th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
O.k. finally got another hearing date setup to specifically address my ex keeping the children away from me for the last year. She has not once followed the court ordered visitation, so I was able to schedule a hearing specifically talk about visitation and custoday. I'm going to urge the court at the very least to give me my "reasonable visitation" as specified by California law and at the very most ask the court to revisit custody since my ex has been doing all she can to alienate the kids from me. Parental Alienation Syndrome seems to be more in important in California than most states. Anyways, the hearing date is May 8, so hopefully all goes well. I'll have to address the finances at the next court hearing, which I'll set up soon after.
May 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Case didn't get to be heard. Apparently I confused Calender days with Court days and was short by a few days on letting the other party know of the proceedings, although the other party was informed and told me they didn't have to come to California, and would not go to California. My next hard date is June 19th were I reissue the order to show cause and also attempt to stick contempt against respondent. Hopefully, I don't have to go another summer and another year without seeing my children.
May 31st, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Gentelemen: Time for a NYT Bestseller book titled "Slavery in the 21st Century", and the best selling author to do the rounds on the mainstream TV shows. Who will write such a book?
June 16th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Its either slavery or indentured servants, however we need to come up with a new word that would make it politically correct these days.
June 16th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
I am posting this for my husband (The original poster), he is too upset to deal with it right now...
This is our latest bombshell.
DECLARATION OF MISTY ***** BLANTON
I, Misty ***** Blanton am the Respondent in this matter, and I make this declaration in response to Petitioner's Order to Show Cause ("OSC") scheduled for June 19, 2008. The facts set forth herein are based on my own personal knowledge, and if called upon to testify thereto, I could and would completely do so under oath.
LATE FILED RESPONSIVE PLEADING
I apologize to the court for this late filed document; however, I have not been able to afford an attorney and, once I received Petitioner's documents, I made every effort to retain counsel again. I request that the court consider this declaration regarding Petitioner's allegations.
VISITATION
Petitioner and I have a daughter, Aeris, almost 7, and a son, Reise, age 4 1/2. Petitioner last saw the children over a year ago and they were with him from the first week in April to the first week in May. After they returned, I learned that they were not in daycare as Petitioner had indicated and it was unclear who was watching the children during the day. Aeris came home with head lice which was treated immediately. Aeris then began to tell me that she was required to wear pullups to bed (she was fully potty trained at the time), and that there was a child gate at the bedroom door so she could not leave.
My understanding with the Petitioner was that the children would be with him or in day care. I sent copies of their social security cards and shot records so that could occur. I later learned that his girlfriend "Jen" was the care-giver. Petitioner would never admit this to me and told me that the children were in daycare at the local gym, and then he represented that neighbors were watching the children. He told me Jen and he were married, and then he told me they were not married.
After the visit, he never called the children or tried to exercise visitation again. I never told him that he could not call the children. He has disappeared from their lives. In any of his conversations with me or the children, he has never expressed any interest in their school or activities, and I find it strange that he can travel to California to initiate court proceedings but not cannot travel to Mississippi to see his children.
There was a previous investigation in this matter and Petitioner's allegations which he is now re-asserting were unfounded by the investigator. Petitioner is not being truthful in his assertions. He has chosen not to be involved in our children's lives, even by telephone, and they are reluctant at this point to spend substantial time with him. I have no objection to visitation in Natchez, Mississippi, but I am afraid that he will not return the children if they travel to Virginia again. He has ignored court orders and discovery requests that my attorney has made. He needs to re-establish his relationship with the children.
I cannot afford to travel to California. Petitioner has not fully paid his support obligations for the past year, nor has he reimbursed me for any uncovered medical expenses or daycare costs. I have not been able to pay my attorney. My car has been repossessed and the children and I were evicted at one point because he did not fully pay support. He has refused to provide my attorney with current pay information as was ordered at the Settlement Conference last March, 2007.
I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California that the foregoing is true and correct.
Excuted on June ____, 2008, at Natchez, Mississippi.
At this point, we are so shocked and furious with these accusations, flat out lies. How do we combat this? How do we do anything more than he said/she said. We just don't even know where to go from here. Court is Wednesday...
June 21st, 2008 at 1:08 pm
O.k. need some help on this one. First of all I am in Virginia, and my ex and children are in Mississippi. None of us plan to live in California. I was only here for military training. The kids did not live here, nor did the ex live here at the time of divorce or preceeding months 6 months (doesn't meet residency requirements for California). They have always been in Florida, or Mississippi. However, everything is bound in California since October 2006. I have tried for the last year to enforce visitation orders from California. The orders state:
1. Children will spend summer vacation with the father
2. Children will spend all school vacations with father, with the exception of Thanksgiving and Christmas which are to be alternated.
3. Both parties will go above and beyond what is in this order to ensure continueing contact with the children and father.
For the last two months I have taken this into what you would say are heated hearings, with my ex which has two attorneys in California and I'm Pro Per. I have travelled to California last month 9 May and 19 June. Since I would not back down and agree to %0 visitation or supervised visitation in Mississippi, the attornies are charging me with 9 counts of contempt for failure to pay the ordered amount of child support. My ex and her attorney have on their own kept the children away from me and even today,the judge said they were in violation of the court order. The order still stands.
My ex leveled the following accusations against me in her declartion:
1. She claims the children were not in daycare during their last visit (April-May 07)
2. She claims that I put our daughter age 5 at the times in pull-up diapers.
3. She claims that I may not return the children to her.
4. She claims I lock the children daughter 5 and son 3 at the time in their room wiith a child gate.
5. She claims that our daughter had head lice when I returned her from visitation
6. She claims I have no interest in or have tried to contact the children.
My responses:
1. I have three signed declarations from employess of the day care that the kids were enrolled in. My current wife is the manager of the day care in the first place, and she wrote a statement as well, so four declartions.
2. I have one signed statement from a close friend that visited several times during the childrens visit. She did not see my daughter in pull-ups nor locked in her room by a child gate. My wife also signed a statement that my daughter was never in pull-ups. (there is no reason, age 5 and potty training took place a long time before)
3. I have never failed to return, nor even been late, or had any problems returning the children at the specified times in the past.
4. A friend and my wife signed statements that the kids were never locked behind a child gate. We keep a child gate in the laundry room to keep the dog and kids out of the cleaning supplies, and that is it.
5. I had three employees from the childcare that saw our daughter on a regular basis sign declarations that they never noticed head lice on my daughter. In addition, as a precaution all kids were checked when my ex made the initial allegation. Not one child at the child care had a case of head lice.
6. I have three witness statements that say I mail the children presents, send mail, and call at least once a week. I send all mail certified, and have the receipts. I have an email from my ex asking me not to write the kids or send them cards. She says that she threw my sons cards/letter straignt in the trash, that she would not read them to him. Again I have the emails, phone records, and mail reciepts as proof.
All in all I walked in there today with pay stubs, W2 forms, mail receipts, and 8 signed declarations (child care employees, family friends, etc.) that the accusations against me were false and contradicting. I had everything documented, dates, times, phone bills, and a witness for everything. I have been falsley accused, never convicted of anything by my ex for almost two years now. So I never talk to her lawyers or do anything without an eye witness, documentation, or voice recording when other party is aware (I have to tell them per state law). I thought I had surely built a waterproof case and would get my children this summer, since I've documented everything.
That was not the case. The only thing that resulted was the court ordered another investigation on me, which I'm sure will be unfounded once again, but to be on the safe side they will not allow me visitation until the investigation is done, which will probably be mid July to late August. About the time the kids return to school. Her lawyers so plan these things out. Two summers now I've been denied visitation, when the current court order is in effect and has not been changed. My ex and her attornies have taken it upon themselves to legislate the law.
To top everything off my ex and her attorneys are charging me with 9 counts of contempt. Each count carrys a 5 day jail sentence. I pay %55 garnishment each month from my military pay check to her, which amounts to $1100 to $1300 monthly. Court ordered child support is based on California, Monterey County, in which the children do not, have not, and will not live. Their home is Mississippi, since the time they were kidnapped from Florida. The court ordered amount is $1422 plus child care approximately $400 monthly, and half the medical expenses. I'm only and E-5/SGT and have another family to support. I am unable to pay the full amount and have been paying since the court ordered the child support while my current family suffers greatly. My supervisors at work see it and the people around us see it, everyone has been supportive of me trying to see my children and knowing that I have a hard time buying gas to get to work or food for the family. If I didn't have family, friends, and co-workers helping us out we wouldn't be able to make it on our own.
What do you do in a case like mine, I'm not schooled on criminal law and the court will not provide me a public defender, nor allow me enough time to get evidentiary hearings put together. Also, the witnesses are not in California, they are all in Virginia or Mississippi. Why will the court not grant me a public defender? Is it possible I can demand a trial by jury since this is a criminal proceeding (my research tells me no, because Family law doesn't have to be fair or just)? Lastly, what does a father have to prove or dissapprove in order to just see his children? I'm of the mind that my ex and the state of California are in the wrong unless they can prove me an unfit father. That I am not, and never will be.
Keep in mind I don't have so much as a speeding ticket or any problems with the law. I have had no negative or disciplinary action in the military. My wife has worked in child care for several years, since before I met her and no complaints. She has no criminal record. In all rights I am a good father, and my current wife has done nothing wrong with my children. She is nothing but nice and caring for them.
post up here or email me at patryn8@aol.com
I know its like a "Nighmare on Elm Street" version of family law I always bring witnesses to court and they all were astounded. It was a virtual Kangaroo Court I would say.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
And the saga continues. I had a court date this month which I was not able to attend, due to the high cost of airline tickets and having travelled California the previous two months. I managed to continue the case until September, so that should be enough time for me to get an airline ticket at a reasonable price. The court investigator did his investigation, but the status quo remains. My visitation order is still in effect, but the courts or sheiriff's office will not enforce my visitation rights. At this point I doubt I'll get to see the kids for the summer, but I'll be trying again in September. I can always hope for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Until that time, I'm trying all I can to get the Army to let me go back to Monterey for a few months to try to close this case, but that is looking unlikely.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Wouldn't you believe I come down on PCS orders soon. So now I'm not sure if I can make the 18 September court date in California. Probably can't afford to fly there anyway, as I only got a whopping $78 on my last pay check. At least my housing is paid, but $78 isn't enough for gas, electricity, food, etc. I fail to see how family law is anything but a failed system, that has failed completely in my case. Just doesn't make sense for it to destroy one parent for no reason at all other than the fact my ex has lawyers who's sole intent is to destroy me. My ex and her mom seem to be living up to their word. I'll never forget the phone conversation I over heard where they were talking about destroying me, my career, and never let me see the kids. In their words "I won't have a pot to piss in by the time they are done with me". I'll try to update this blog as September rolls around, or if by some stroke of fortune I can see my children, however school is starting so I doubt it.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I got my request in for leave on Wednesday, but as with all things miliary it has to sit on someones desk for days, then go to another desk for days, then hopefully get signed. Checking on the prices of tickets, they have increased to the point I know I can't get a flight to California now. Just to much money, that I don't have. As always, I'm hoping for the best. I think the contempt accusations from my ex's attorney will distract the courts from the visitation issue, and the fact I can't be there to defend myself. If my leave is not approved by Monday or Tuesday, my only other option is to request to continue the hearing to a later date, but with the military it is so hard to pin down exact dates and make them. Especially with the war going on and my specific job.
October 6th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Just and update. Still as of this day I have not been allowed to see my children. Again there is no reason for this. I don't have so much as a speeding ticket. My wife has made allegations time and time again. Time and time again, I have called the court to charge one of us with purgory, because allegations need to be investigated and then when someone is found to be making false statements they should be held accountable. I guess it doesn't apply in Family Law. I saved up enough money, paid off one of my credit cards and once again through $3000 into a lawyer in California. Once again it was another waste because I still can't get court ordered visitation enforced and time gets wasted on trivial matters. Once again I'm broke as can be and my ex is still going for contempt because I can't pay all the child support on my military paycheck. My pay is garnished at %55, but $1308 monthly is still not enough to satisfy California. Keep in mind this case is over two years old and still has not been finalized. None of us live in California, nor were we ever residents. My wife and children were in our state of record Florida for at least 5 months before the divorce was even filed and I was just in California doing training. It seems so wrong to use my military status against me like that. I feel so betrayed that the country has treated me this way. Two tours in Iraq, friends killed, sweat, blood, and tears over there and I come back just to have my children taken away because I'm a soldier.
Well as it stands I don't have any way to get to California, and no more money for lawyers, so I guess my ex will finally win her contempt charges. At this point I'm not even caring. My current family had to go without heat last winter, and we have little money even for food or gas. Our house will probably go into forclosure soon and I have no idea where we will live. I'm sure I'll find something, but when does this nightmare in California stop. How many years does a father have to go without seeing his children. This just isn't the America I believed in and fought for. Oh well I'll probably be in jail or whatever other stupidness California can throw at me next month anyway. At least there I'll know I have three meals a day and a bed.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Sorry to hear it Corey, hang in there friend.
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Strange twist, but Commisioner Baker in California dismissed both my petition to see the children and my ex's contempt allegations. The end result was she dismissed the case from California citing that California no longer has jurisdiction. As it stands now, the case I assume is going over to Mississippi. However, with money so tight, I don't even have enough to pay filing fees for the time being. Once again, the ex is up to her old games as usual. Once my visitation petition was dismissed she finally cut off all phone contact between me and the children. Once I can save up some money I'm going to try my best to get to see my daughter and son this summer, because it appears that I am going to get stop lossed in the Army again, and do a third tour in Iraq. I was hoping to finish my second enlistment in the Army by early January 2010, but my unit is shipping out in October-December 2009, so its highly unlikely I'll be allowed to finish my contract. That means that I will not be able to see my kids at all for summer 2010, so this summer is my last chance or it will be an almost four year stretch without seeing the kids. I really wish I could just finish my time in the military, get back to Florida, and start working some mad overtime so I could afford travel, court costs, and maybe a lawyer to at least guide me through this process, as now I've got to learn Mississippi laws and court procedures. Just so hard to try to manage a case that is thousands of miles away. At least in Florida it would be a five hour drive, so that is much more manageable.
I'll continue to keep this blog updated as best I can. As, I'm sure this unfortunate drama with my ex will continue for eternity is she has anything to say about it.
January 17th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Last weekend was pretty heartbreaking. My ex finally answered the phone and allowed me about 3 minutes to talk to my son and daughter. My daughter kept asking me why I didn't come to see her and when she could come visit. What do you tell a 7 year old, that you have not been able to see for almost two years because her mom refuses to allow me visitation. She began crying, but as always, my ex picked up the phone and told me the kids were finished talking to me. I hate how she only allows me literally 1 to 3 minutes to talk to the kids on the Sundays she decides to answer the phone. I know my kids love me as much as the courts and my ex try to push me out of their lives.
March 7th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Still no forward movement, but then I have been gone to Arizona for about two months for training. The ex is still refusing to let me see the kids for Spring Break or Summer time. Kinda between a rock and hard place. For the whole month of February, I only got $232 of money for bills, albiet at least my mortgage and car payments are paid. Hopefully I'll get to see the kids before I pull my third Iraq tour. This May will make two years straight that I have had zero contact with the kids. One can only hope, but for now I don't even have money to file court papers, and my request for a fee waiver was turned down.
April 5th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
This is a charming email the my ex sent me on 27 September 2007. Funny thing is I did try to call and when I sent my son a present, I got another email saying how it went straight into the trash. Today is like any other. I call to talk to my son and daughter and she will not answer her phone or return a call.
"""i know you are extremely busy with your grand life and all, but would it be too much to ask to call your son on his birthday? Another notch towards that father of the year award, huh? Well, seeing as its been 4 months since you have talked to your kids, i guess you really don't care about them. i guess since you think you have a new life and are past the impression phase, you think you can give up. Fine by me. the kids don't ask about you and i think they are better off. Who needs a dad that can't even remember thier birthday or other events? there are payphones, phone cards, prepaid cell phones and i know jen must have one. so i think you are at the bottom of the barrel of excuses. Have a nice life. I just pray that the judge signs soon for the zero visitation. also for the raise to 65% in child support and they will get a copy of your LES from DFAS. the order was sent so we will see then where your allotment id going. The kids should not be forced to visit a man (boy) that doesn't care enough to even pick up a phone to call them, or even show any interest in them. if you couldn't call, you could have at least sent a 50 cent card that shows that you even acknowledge the child on an important day to him. But, you know, these kids are strong and bounce back. they have me as both mom and dad and that is all they need. god, the feeling it must be to be the bastard that you are.
misty"""
April 5th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Hey Boss,
Been there and done that I havent heard from my 15 year old son in Oregon however I am stationed in California in the Air Force. I can remember 50% going somewhere else than torwards my wellbeing out of my LES, (BAH) Housing Assistance which does include you is stollen from you, so is (BAS) Subsistence payments that also include feeding yourself is also taken. People have a cliche that in life there is death, and taxes, well massive crippling child support, and lawyers should be added in with the cliche. I dont even care that Obama is in office anymore. Our country is being destroyed from within and this has got to be done piece by piece in family law. We are bailing out banks where other countries are bailing out people (the taxpayers). Its discusting that being in the military no one looks after us. The people who would shed their blood for the system that hates us (the fathers that support and that made this country which was once great but now immoral and destructive).
All I can say is try to work at the Commissary as a bagger. I did this to get cash in hand without getting screwed by the Child Extortion Agency. I was able to do this and it helped me pay for the plane flight on Southwest Airlines which offers up to a 50% discount for military members. You will have to show your CAC card at the airport when you obtain your ticket at the counter. You will have to call to book them as well since you cant book military fares on there website. Also try to see about welfare and food stamps Oregon at one point took into account my pay that was net and not gross so I was able to go and fight the B*tch that took my kid away from me.
I wish you well man my heart goes out to you. I have been there and one thing that told me something was that it killed my spirit. I actually tried going back to church 4 nights a week to rebuild it.
Brother in arms,
JC
May 30th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Due to the work schedule and my third Iraq deployment I have not been able to work the case in the courts at all. Plus, not much I can do if the courts will not at least grant me a fee waiver for me to at least try to file motions on my own. They just won't take into account the %55 of my pay that goes to my ex-wife in alimony and child support. These last few months have been busy with a company field training excercise, a battalion field training excercise, and I leave tomorrow for a brigade field training excercise, for about three weeks. In between was a two month training course in Arizona and all the other little one week training activities. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.
Communication with the kids is sporadic. I try to call every Sunday when I'm not away on training or in the field. Sometimes my ex will let me talk to the kids and sometimes she just doesn't answer or call back. I did get my son and daughters Easter basket mailed to them, but I fear it found its way to the garbage instead of the kids. So I just continue to do what little I can do, I call, write a letter, send a gift, etc when I can. Its hard, because this May made exactly two years since I have been able to see Reise and Aeris. Next May will mark the third year in a row and I know there is no hope to see them then, since I will be stop lossed and a little over mid way to completing my year tour in Iraq, that is if we don't get extended. I'm still hoping maybe the ex will have a change of heart and let me see the kids, just for the sake that something could happen while I'm in Iraq with the sporadic violence over there. It would be the last time Reise and Aeris saw their dad, and I could tell them I love them. I've made it through two deployments well enough, so whats a third one. Should be my last.
Alright, time to go, got to get sleep for tomorrow as it is an early day of work, and sure to be a long three weeks of no down time.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:27 am
Yet again I am required to attend training. I will be gone from July till late in August in Maryland just after completing company, then battalion, then brigade field training excercises. I feel there is nothing that I can do. When I complete training in August my third tour in Iraq is scheduled for sometime in September. It breaks my heart that I will not get to see Aeris and Reise this summer at least once before I deploy back to Iraq. I am sure my ex-wife and the legal system stand ready to take advantage of my deployment to further make my relationship with my children more difficult. I will have done three tours in combat for our country only to have been stabbed in the back and punished for doing a service that is hard for anyone to take up. Hopefully, I will be released from StopLoss one day so that I may spend my every moment trying to reunite with Aeris and Reise. I love them so very much.
October 25th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Nothing much new should be heading out soon to Iraq, though it will be a familiar place I am going too. Just finished a few TDY's and took block leave. Since I was gone on TDY though my ex-wife changed her phone number, so contact with Aeris and Reise has been nil. Come this May will make exactly three years since I've seen them.
October 25th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Hang in there Corey, thanks for your service.
October 26th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Thanks for the kind words Gary. I'll hang in there. Just got to get this last deployment out of the way and get back home so I can get a handle on this issue. If the case is in Mississippi without California keeping its claws in this issue then I'll be about a 6 hour drive from the kids and court where I'll have all my work at. Kinda resigned to the fact that there is little I can do in my current situation.
October 26th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Corey,
It WILL eventually work out, keep your chin up.
I'm curious to know how many other servicemembers that you know of in similar situations?