I've written before about the highly-publicized ruling in the Virginia/Vermont lesbian child custody battle between former civil union partners Lisa Miller and Janet Jenkins. After their breakup, Miller, the biological mother, moved to Virginia with their daughter Isabella, won sole custody, and excluded Jenkins from the girl’s life.

I've noted that Miller’s actions read like a checklist of what heterosexual women sometimes do to the fathers of their children, including: move the child far away; deny the noncustodial parent the opportunity to visit or co-parent the child; make an unsupported, dubious and oh-so-convenient accusation of abuse against the noncustodial parent; and pretend that the noncustodial parent is out-of-line or acting against the child’s best interests by wanting to continue the relationship with the child.

Like most divorced dads do, Jenkins soft-pedals her ex-partner’s appalling behavior, trying to avoid conflict in the interests of their child. She says that if she does win custody (which she should), she will be very careful to make sure that her former partner’s relationship with her daughter is protected and respected.

A new article in the Washington Post Magazine by April Witt (witta@washpost.com) called About Isabella demonstrates that Miller's actions are straight from the playbook unscrupulous divorce attorneys use to help vindictive mothers convince the courts that they were mistreated or are in fear of their exes. According to the article:

"Lisa later testified that Janet was physically and emotionally abusive to her -- allegations Janet denied under oath...Lisa testified that Janet regularly blew up and belittled her, allegations Janet called a fiction designed to discredit her. 'Again, it was the monthly blowups,' Lisa testified. 'She would restrain me from going into another room. She would ask me for a divorce again. She would tell me, though, that I couldn't make it on my own'...According to Lisa, Janet continued to have an explosive temper."

The article also mentions, in passing, Lisa's attempts to demean Janet in their daughter's eyes and to push Janet further out of her life:

"Lisa...penned a little note, ostensibly from Isabella, on [an] Easter card. That note referred to Janet by a new nickname: 'Up' because Isabella sometimes said 'Up' or 'Uppy' when she wanted Janet to pick her up. Janet, who wanted to be called 'Momma,' later testified that she felt Lisa was orchestrating a demotion of her standing in Isabella's eyes.

"Now Lisa made it increasingly difficult for Janet to see Isabella, Janet testified. Janet flew to Virginia and showed up at Lisa's door to pick up Isabella, only to find no one home, she said. Janet telephoned daily; Lisa said Isabella didn't want to talk to her, Janet testified.

"'I cried every day,' Janet said."

Eventually a judge took a hard line against Miller's efforts:

"Nobody was leaving the hearing that day, the judge said, until both sides worked out a temporary visitation schedule that allowed Isabella, 25 months old, to spend time with both Janet and Lisa. He would decide final custody later.

"[Jenkins' attorney] told the judge that in addition to visiting Isabella in Virginia some weekends, Janet also wanted to bring her to Vermont at least one week each month.

"'We're going to grant the request,' the judge said.

"Lisa was devastated. 'I felt like Isabella had become a political hostage,' she said."

This is one of my favorite alienating mothers' tactics--pretend to be "devastated" and "shocked" that (gasp) the court is actually calling her on her behavior and forcing her to do what she should have done from the beginning without a second thought--allow her ex to remain a part of their child's life.

I'm in Janet Jenkins' corner on this one all the way. To learn more about the case, see my co-authored column Ruling in Vermont Same-Sex Child Custody Case: Lesbian Moms, Divorced Dads in Same Boat (Rutland Herald, Montpelier-Barre Times Argus, 12/10/06 and others) and my blog entry Sad but Delicious Irony–Lesbian Mom Describes How She Got the Dad Treatment.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 at 10:47 am and is filed under Family Law, Feminism/NOW, Shared Parenting, Parental Alienation/PAS, Marriage, Children's Rights, False Accusations, Divorce/Separation/Child Custody, Sperm Donors, Egg Donors, Gays, Gay Marriage, Gender Issues (Misc.). You can trackback from your own site.