Parental Alienation: How to Overcome It
April 14th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
J. Michael Bone (pictured) is an eminent authority on Parental Alienation, and I've often quoted his work in my newspaper columns on the issue. One of his best pieces is Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It, which he co-authored for the Florida Bar Journal in 1999. He wrote:
"The common thread to [Parental Alienation] tactics is that one parent is superior and the other is not and, therefore, should be peripheral to the child's life. The alienating parent in these circumstances is acting inappropriately as a gatekeeper for the child to see the absent parent. When this occurs for periods of substantial time, the child is given the unspoken but clear message that one parent is senior to the other. Younger children are more vulnerable to this message and tend to take it uncritically; however, one can always detect elements of it echoed even into the teenage years."
Starting in late April, Michael is going to be doing a four-part Teleseminar on how targeted parents can overcome Parental Alienation. The 4 week telewebcast series begins Tuesday April 29 from 8:30 - 9:30 p.m. EDT, and runs each Tuesday through 5/20. Bone identifies four major mistakes targeted parents make:
1) Failure to Modify Your Parental Behavior with your Children
2) Failure to “Re-brand Yourself” in Court
3) Agreeing to Counter-Productive Recommendations
4) Unqualified Mental Health Professionals
Bone identifies several consequences targeted parents face, and it looks like Michael's been reading my inbox because I hear these stories all day long:
1. You see your children only on a supervised basis.
2. You're constantly defending yourself against false allegations made against you.
3. You're threatened with arrest for crimes that you did not commit.
4. You're forced to spend untold thousands of dollars on legal fees, only to have outcomes that are still unacceptable & outrageous.
5. You're evaluated as a parent by professionals who have no stake in you or your children’s lives.
6. You watch helplessly as your relationship with your children is damaged & are able to do nothing about it.
7. You're treated within your community as though you had been an abusive parent when, if anything, the opposite was the case.
8. You're excluded from your children’s activities, school life, religious life, athletic life, & health care, & have no input into any of this.
Bone's Teleseminar also includes 4 MP3 recordings of each session to download to keep for listening on-demand, and Study Guides sent to you in advance, providing details for each session. Dr. Bone will also award a "Certificate of Completion" for anyone who may need evidence of their attendance in this telewebcast series.
The price is only $39--to register, click here or go to www.overcomingparentalalienation.com.
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April 14th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Bone cites "Unqualified Mental Health Professionals" .
Interestiing. There's lots of those.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Norman L. Says:
April 14th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Bone cites "Unqualified Mental Health Professionals" .
Interestiing. There's lots of those.
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This is true. However there are a lot of good ones also. The problem is the court sytem typically treats them all like they are the bad ones. My feeling is they don't want anyone else on their turf.
April 15th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I have not seen my kids for 2 years now - I have suffered all of the consequences listed above. The judge refuses to enforce visitation because she claims my kids are old enough to decide if they want to see me. My daughter graduates high school next month but most likely i won't be there - that hurts.
Sorry, Glenn, I just find it hard to believe that some magic pill (four web seminars) will fix all this. A statutory presumption of shared parenting (and vigorous enforcement of visitation schedules) would go a long way but I don't believe acting differently in court or in front of the kids will do much in the face of a borderline ex.
Just my $0.02 worth. Perhaps Michael Bone could elaborate.
April 15th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Nobody said anything about a "magic pill" that will "fix all this." Bone is knowledgeable and articulate--if I were the target of PAS, he'd be the guy I would call.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:13 am
With respect Glenn, the seminar is titled "How to Overcome PA" - that clearly suggests that it can be fixed by undertaking these seminars.
On reviewing the website, it seems to be targeted at those entering the early stages of divorce. Perhaps a vigorous defense early on might mitigate later damage but if the court refuses to enforce visitation then where does it leave you?
However, alerting fathers to the dynamics and dirty tricks that make parental alienation easier is an unqualifiedly good thing. Perhaps Michael Bone could elaborate on whether the seminar is applicable to all fathers at any stage of the alienation process or more applicable to those at the start?
In hindsight, it is amazing to think how naive and trusting I was that the court system would work. I didn't expect justice but I thought they would follow their own rules. How wrong I was.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Yesterday was a momentous occasion b/c my 27 year old son was awarded physicaL custody of his three and five year old daughters. It was ruled that CUSTODY should be changed from Mother to Father immediately. Also child support should be calculated and paid by Mother etc. etc.
This has been a long drawn out vicious affair that has depleated us in every way possible. My son has spent almost six years going through hell but it was all worth it. However, we know that the fight isn't over by a long shot. Until the girls are in my son's protection anything could happen b/c of the bold violent nature of the Mother, boyfriend and Mother's family.
What I wanted to say to all Fathers though is to not give up! Stand up for yourself but in such a way to look good not to be as bad as the Mother. Gather evidence and keep you nose clean. Everything that was written about PA and HAP we experenced big time and we DO NOT have an abundance of money either but we kept plugging away and never gave up.
And YES prayer and doing what is right and good and noble and keeping our eyes on God is what made ALL the Difference in the World.
Thank you!
April 15th, 2008 at 10:06 am
@Connie...
Good luck.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Yes, Steve, it does say ""How to Overcome PA." It doesn't say anything about "magic pills."
April 15th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
$40 is nothing.
Glenn, have you examined this stuff, or have any of our other trusted readers?
My wife read a book on PAS and how to deflect it. I seem to spend my time more on jogging with my kids, playing with them, planting gardens with them, etc. I did teach my kids about Ghandi, and fighting for what is right, and that seemed to have a big affect on my daughter.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Stephen says "Glenn, have you examined this stuff, or have any of our other trusted readers?"
As I've now explained several times, I am very familiar with Dr. Bone's work and have often quoted him. And you're right, $40 is nothing.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
It would be interesting to see some reviews from attending members after the event. Any chance of a 'feedback' type blog entry for that, Glenn?
April 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I have not seen my daughters for over 3 years. I was arrested and held on $200,000 bail. My oldest Daughter just turned 18 in January and she drives around in a $45,000 sports car ( a gift from the Grandparents who live next door). I was taken back to family Court here In Ventura County back in September 2007 on a request for Domestic Violence Restraining Order. The Judge denied it . Maybe only when I told him I almost threw myself in front of a car on PCH in front of my co-worker. I have only seen my daughters for about 12 hours durring the first few months of the divorce which is now almost 6 years old. All other visits were supervised by lousey Therapists at over $125 an hour. This is just nuts how the system helps PAS suceed in killing a parents life with thier children. My youngest daughter just turn 15 in March and she yells at me. I spoke to her two years ago on the phone. My child support is $ 14,000 a year. I'm anti social now because of all this and have failed at having a love life. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. It is like being in a prison or even death.