Column: An Ode to My Daughter on Her 10th Birthday
June 15th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
An Ode to My Daughter on Her 10th Birthday
By Glenn Sacks
World Net Daily (6/14/08)
"A man never knows what love is until he has a daughter."
My neighbor Julio, who had two sons and then a daughter, told me this once as his little girl climbed into his arms.
I can understand. Ten years ago my daughter was born, the best Father's Day present a man could ever have.
Strangely, she didn't cry when she was born. They put her in an incubator and she could barely open her eyes under those bright lights. I looked down at her and told her, "I'm your daddy and I love you." She looked up, confused and a little scared, but didn't cry.
My wife describes this scene differently. She says my daughter took one look at me and thought, "Sucker! All I have to do is smile at this big, dumb guy and he'll give me whatever I want." Probably true.
Since that day I've had an opportunity most men don't get – to be the primary caregiver for my child right from the beginning.
I didn't want the job at first, but my wife wanted very badly to go back to work. We didn't want to put our baby in day care, so she convinced me to try it. I resisted – it somehow didn't feel as if I was doing anything, or at least not any work that I could quantify.
I called several baby care centers about their services. I didn't want their services. I wanted to take the cost of baby care and add it to what I earned working part-time in the evenings so that in my mind I would be earning an acceptable "salary." I was 34 at the time, and I look back in awe at my own stupidity.
Those times with my daughter – until she was 3 and went to preschool – were the greatest of my life. Of all the good things that one gets in life and never appreciates or rushes by, this one I was smart enough to stop and savor.
A decade later, this little girl couldn't be more wonderful. She's smart, inquisitive, loving, caring and affectionate. Most of all, she's happy – when she's bouncing around I sometimes tell her, "You've got your happy batteries on today." She brightens up wherever she goes.
As a parent, have you had the following experience? The other day we were riding our bikes together and stopped at a pretty, grassy place surrounded by trees. Watching her I was overcome with my love for her, as I often am.
I called her over and tried to explain how special times like these are for me, how lucky we are to have each other and to have had these 10 years together. She hugs me and says, "I love you," but there's a part of me that wishes that for five minutes I could be talking to the adult version of my daughter. The 40-year-old mother who could for that moment understand how I felt as a parent, instead of how my daughter feels as a child.
My wife kids me that I want my girl to be little forever, and she's not completely wrong. But I do want to see her grow up, in part because I want to see what she accomplishes in her life. I tell her that she'll live in three centuries – the 20th, the 21st and the 22nd – and that she can do great things.
But while I'm happy to see her grow, it saddens me to see this special, unique era in our lives slip away. I wish I could somehow save and store the present and take it out once in a while. To preserve this special moment in time when my daughter is – happily, proudly and completely – daddy's little girl.
This column first appeared in World Net Daily (6/14/08).
Glenn Sacks’ columns on men's and fathers' issues appear regularly in U.S. newspapers. www.GlennSacks.com
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June 15th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Touching post, I wish you the best of fathers day.
Which reminds me I must call my dad and wish him the same.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Glenn, your girl is an angel. Congratulations to her on her big day. You're very lucky to have each other. My sons are the apples of my eyes, but I have to admit there are times I yearn for a daughter. I suppose it actually isn't too late for me but who knows...At my age, the thought of dealing with a new born that permanently resides with me is a little scary.
And speaking of not wanting them to grow up ... boy, do I know how you feel... and it's more than a little odd since my husband and I do look forward to having the house to ourselves, but regardless I dont think one really ever gets used to the thought of one's children becoming adults. At least, that's how its so far been for us. I still have one son living at home and each day I say to the gods ... just one more day with him before he decides to move out (he's trying to decide if he wants to go straight to college or have a sabbatical year ... either way, he has informed us that it is unlikely he'll be living with us much longer.)
I guess the lesson to learn is that we to have cherish the time we have with them. These days children are growing up so fast, becoming "adults" at younger and younger ages, and we just have to be grateful for the good times. You seem to have a wonderful family, Glenn. I hope they're appreciative of your devotion. Happy Father's Day.
June 15th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Happy Father's Day, Glenn
June 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Glenn, your posts about fatherhood are always a delight. There is nothing more important than the TIME you have been blessed with (and wisely chose) to spend with your daughter.
When I was younger and an ambitious workaholic, I had a brief moment of sanity and negotiated a contract that provided two months off in the summer because I wanted to spend them with my four year-old daughter. It was magical to get up every Idaho morning and get her dressed, get on our bike (child safety seat over the rear fender) and pedal off for breakfast at a rustic living room sized cafe, go mountain hiking, maybe browsing bookstores or outdoor camping gear shops where she hated all the dead animal and fish heads tacked to the walls.
I did a similar contract deal a decade later when daughter No. 2 was eight years old andshe just wanted to play basketball with me day and night. (It is humiliating to lose repeatedly to a little girl with a perfect sixteen foot jump shot...) Though she was always a gracious victor and brought me an ice cream cone out of sheer pity.
But what I want to tell you Glenn, is that it actually gets BETTER when daughters become young women.
It is fascinating to watch how their minds and emotions evolve. You can actually discuss complex ideas, talk about the world, and appreciate their struggles to find authentic identities.
The little girl never goes away completely. She just becomes a more realized version of what you were hoping she would be.
You have a lot of good years ahead with your daughter.
Oh yeah, I have to brag a bit. My two called this morning with "Happy Father's Day" greetings and extended chit chat. We talked about long ago bike rides and hoops, and other things.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Glenn,
You're a lucky man to have the time you've had with your daughter, and by all indications you're a good daddy. Few men are so lucky. Count your blessings and ne thankful.
I know the moments you speak of. I was my sons Little League Ball coach for 3 years (2 trophies) and Cub Scout leader for 6... at a Cub Scout Olymporee (or some such name) he cleaned the field winning a trophy, 6 blue ribbons, 9 or 10 red ribbons (2nd) and 20 odd yellow ribbons (3rd). I'll never foget the look on his face walking off the grandstand with an arm full of ribbons.
2 years later his mother started poisoning his mind to me, but I still have the happy memories to hold on to.
Gunner Retired
June 15th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I must confess that I envy those who grew with attentive fathers who helped there children find and develop there strengths.
I can at least be grateful that I, at least, learned a great deal about how not to be father.
I try hard not to repeat the same mistakes with my own children.
My father was not all bad. Better than not having a father at all. But there are definitely more scars than good memories.
Sounds like you, Mr. Sacks, are well on your way to having daughter who will cherish the memories of her childhood.
June 15th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I envy your close relationship with your kids, Glenn. Don't get me wrong, my dad's not bad by any means, but all my life he's been too busy working and providing for me and my mom (who's a homemaker), so we never really had any time to be close. Just this morning, when I called to wish him Happy Father's Day, he could only talk for about three minutes, because he had to hurry to catch a flight for yet another business trip on the other side of the globe. It pays my college tuition, of course, so I'm grateful, but it's come at such a cost in lost time.
This sort of thing really puts it perspective and makes me realize just how much I need to set my priorities for when I become a father, so that I have a closer relationship with my children than I did with my father (or my mother, for that matter). As the cliche goes, "no one lies on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office."
June 15th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
This blog entry is very sweet. It also reminds me of the best thing about my husband--he adores our son as much as I do. It may be sexist, but there is something extra special sweet about a father who adores his kids.
June 15th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Jeana - "It may be sexist, but there is something extra special sweet about a father who adores his kids."
J.- I have never replied directly to your posts. Now I choose to.
Indeed, there is no sexism in appreciating a father who adores his children.
The sexism lies in your implied assumption that the "extra" is an exception to the rule.
Your metaphor of a "sweet" adoring father is sexist, because you imply it is an exception to how men feel about their children.
If I am wrong, please interrogate your assumptions (and my own) and inform me what I failed to appreciate about the ordinary, natural fatherly "sweetness" that is really no more than a dad loving his kids.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Its pretty cool getting a kid for Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Congrats Glenn. You're very lucky, and so is your daughter. And she'll grow up to be very proud of her dad's work in life.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:17 am
You have a beautiful daughter. You're right about stopping time and keeping them in those moments. I have one son 17, and three daughters 14, 12, 8. You wife is correct. Even my 14 year old looks at me with the same sparkle in her eyes as she did when she was younger. That's when you know, they'll always be daddy's little girl.
Happy fathers day.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Aye, Happy Fathers' Day, Glenn. Lovely article. And Happy Fathers Day to all the dads (although I'm not the first to say it!)
June 16th, 2008 at 8:05 am
"But while I'm happy to see her grow, it saddens me to see this special, unique era in our lives slip away. I wish I could somehow save and store the present and take it out once in a while. To preserve this special moment in time when my daughter is – happily, proudly and completely – daddy's little girl."
It's called memories. Been there just yesterday with my 40 year old baby girl and 37 year old son.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
My six year old worked all weekend, off an on, on a glittery,painted, crayon fathers day card for me.
She "suprised" me with it when I dropped her off with her mom. It made me feel like a million dollars!
I'm glad you realize how fortunate you are Glenn.
June 16th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Wow Glenn that's pretty wild. My most recent daughter was born last year on June 17th A.K.A Fathers day. I'm not really a religious person but It's hard not to think that God himself was giving you the best fathers day present ever.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
wow.
I've accepted the fact long ago now that I won't every have any of this. No family, no house with a white picket fence, etc. Now at 38 I don't even want it anymore. I'll just keep paying my child supprt until I'm 51 and never see my kid.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Wow. At age 31 I had my first born. So much of the sentiment you shared describes my feelings for my own daughter. To much to list. I also had the opportunity to stay home with my baby girl since her third month of life. She's nearly two now. I am completely in love. I am the same kind of "sucker" that you are. I can't help myself and I don't want it to change. I have a smart, beautiful, affectionate little angel and she is a miracle in my eyes. I can't imagine my life without her and that is why I'm here.
June 16th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
roy,
I meant it as a compliment. I didn't mean to imply that fathers could not or do not love their kids. Just that usually they do not express it as much. Or I don't hear them express it as much as females. When they do, it is very nice to see and hear. Is that still sexist?
June 16th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Holy crap she looks like you!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Glenn -
I can personally guarantee that when your daughter places her own daughter in your arms for the first time you will have the same joy you felt in that long ago moment. My daughter has told me often that the day her first daughter was born she realized everything I felt for her and her sister. She has given me two beautiful granddaughters and when I look at them I see her and her sister smiling back at me and the memories are as fresh as if I have been transported back 30 years. Even though they grow up and make their own lives, they come home with the newborn images of themselves and share the joy. You'll hear the same sweet voice, just calling you Grandpa instead of Dad and your heart will ache with the joy.
Happy father's day.
June 17th, 2008 at 4:58 am
Go dad go, you have done it, you can do it again, anytime you are needed to do it - dont just listen them say "Dads are Bad"!
June 17th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Happy Birthday, Dad! Hey, I know it's your daughter's birthday, but it sounds like one of the biggest reasons she has to celebrate is you. Congratulations to both of you.
Well, you asked for it! I'm sure what I have to say to my dad now, as a 50-something mother, isn't exactly what your daughter will say to you one day, but I'll bet it will be close:
"Thank you, Daddy, for showing me how to make parental mistakes. If you'd been perfect, I wouldn't know how important it is to say, "I was wrong and I'm sorry."
Thank you, Daddy, for telling me, "Hug, but don't cling." That's a big lesson. I'll probably be learning that one until the day I die.
Thank you, Daddy, for showing me that it's the connections, not the stuff or the structure, that makes a family and a home.
Thank you, Daddy, for maintaining your endless curiosity and passion for learning and teaching, no matter how old you get.
Thank you, Daddy, for being comfortable with yourself, as you are. I'm sure you have the same insecurities and doubts we all do, but you never let it show. You face life with great openness and trust, no matter how many times you've been hurt or taken advantage of.
Thank you, Daddy. For being who you are and loving me as I am."
The details may change for your daughter, Glenn, but the last line won't.
Happy Father's Day!
June 17th, 2008 at 8:14 am
See the Indian father's intiative for Child rights: http://at498a.blogspot.com/2008/06/ode-to-dad-dads-for-life-not-just-for.html . Go baby go, go get your Children......... show them who's the DAD.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am
All the best, Glenn
June 17th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
She looks exactly like you in that last pic.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
What a beautiful tribute! You actually made me cry (I guess men can admit to that nowadays?). I have two beautiful little girls, one is two and the other is a few months old, and you're right, there really is no feeling like the one I get when I hold them in my arms. I think I am going to melt the first time my daughters can say the words "I love you". I don't know what I would do without them, and hopefully I will never have to find out.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:32 am
A lovely ode to your daughter, Glenn.
I feel badly for your friend's sons, however. Or any son who's father expressed, whether directly or indirectly, through a quote, that he "didn't know love until he had a daughter."
Hope your friend's sons never heard their sad say that. Sad .. and disappointing, considering.
Can't imagine growing up as a boy, hearing your parent (particularly, your father) say something like that .. and then be able to be a loving parent himself.
I knew love the minute i had my firstborn, a son. So too did my husband.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Glenn, I sent off my comment to my dad. I thought he ought to hear it and I'm so grateful he's still here so I can. Here is his reply. I told him I think I'll frame it! It's a little personal, but it's such a great example of what a great father I have!
"Dear Dawn,
Thank you for being such a beautiful baby. I treasure the times I held you and helped you.
Thank you for the lovely auburn hair. Even though I had it cut and permed when I could not get a comb through it.
Thank you for sticking to it and graduating from high school, even though I had to take classes with you to do it.
Thank you for all the cards of love. You never forget.
Thank you for many wonderful times together with the family.
Thank you for your trips to see us.
Thank you for your interest in me and my accomplishments.
Thank you for your determination to make something of yourself, and succeeding.
Thank you for the special gifts that show that you know what interests me.
Thank you for grandchildren.
Thank you for passing the bar exam.
Thank you for all the training you put me though to be a parent.
Thank you for being so beautiful.
Your Daddy and Mama love you and yours so very much."
July 15th, 2008 at 8:47 am
This last father's day has been the third spent without any contact with my two beloved kids, now 10 and 13 of age. And the only reason the state Child protection squad got involved in the live of these children to severe the sacred link with their father was to silence him, identified as a spokeperson for Fathers-4-Justice...
Apart from the judiciary, only the mafia is corrupt enough to venture on that lowland