'There is nothing I can’t do for the kids that he can'
November 6th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & FamiliesMichael, an Orange County, California reader, has been a hairdresser for 20 years and he says he's heard some incredible things from women in the hair salon where he works. He explains:
I have heard these same things said over and over for years from women of all walks of life yet I’ve never really heard these attitudes depicted in television, movies or any other venue. Most men would never be privy to such remarks.
It’s true what is said that people tell their hairdressers things they would never tell anyone else. I’ve heard the most incredible and bizarre tales but still have to keep a straight face. Many clients interpret the smiling nods as support and come out with the big secrets.
In this series--"Things a Hairdresser Hears"--Michael details some of the things he has heard and seen. This is of course a one-sided view, but it's an interesting one. I suppose the other side--the "bad things men do" side might be captured by a bartender or a barber. If one is reading this and would like to contribute, please email me at glenn@glennsacks.com.
Michael's first couple posts were Hairdresser: 'The sheer volume of women who cheat was staggering...they're so good at getting away with it' and 'He only pays attention to the kids, I left so I could have a life...He can still see the kids once a month'.
Michael's Things a Hairdresser Hears (Part III)
Having been a hairdresser for 20 years, I have heard some incredible things. I would be told things like:
“There is nothing I can’t do for the kids that he can.”
"They don’t need him, he was never around that much anyway, and he is always at work.”
“I hated his family and I was bored with him, so I left.”
“He didn’t get along with my family so I had to leave him …”
Sometimes I'd hear, “I think I’m going to leave him, he doesn’t make enough money" and several months to a year later the same woman would tell me, “I think I’m going to leave him, he’s always at work,” or “Why shouldn’t I see someone else, he’s always at work,” or "Why shouldn’t I see someone else, he doesn’t want to spend time with me.”
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November 6th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
The main reason women use when filing for divorce is -- "He ignored my needs."
Marry infantile adults and then live with the consequences.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Has no-fault divorce helped to increase internal conflict within some women, replacing he loves me, he loves me not... with should I leave him now, or should I leave him later.....
By reducing some women's feelings of dependency, has no-fault divorce hidden from these women a potential source of happiness?
November 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
The things Michael hears are truly cruel, selfish, and "I want it both ways" in their mentality.
That's why I went overseas to find myself a wife. There are LOTS of good American women, but the bad ones don't come with a label (same as men). The only way you find out is the day you get served with a restraining order or divorce decree - then you're just screwed.
Steven
November 6th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
{By reducing some women's feelings of dependency, has no-fault divorce hidden from these women a potential source of happiness?}
Feminism in general has reduced women's happiness. The law not only fails to support but actively prevents women from making meaningful and binding commitments to men and their families.
November 6th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Women want to GET married.
They don't want to BE married.
November 6th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
If nothing else, my ex had the guts to say (or the lack of brains to say) she was divorcing me because I "didn't make enough money, she didn't have enough things, and therefore, I don't treat her right."
That's an exact quote.
Now since then, she's created all sort of fiction to justify destroying the family... but I think in a moment of sincere clarity - she told the absolute truth that day.
November 6th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
If she is bored, perhaps she should get a job? If he doesn't make enough money perhaps she should get a job?
As for the communications issue, I think most women think they say a LOT more than they do. Women insist they TOLD you things when they dropped subtle (at best) hints. Men rarely respond to hints. Men who respond to hints with action are in jail for rape.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
This is like a joke I heard but think there is a lot of truth to it
Two woman go to a dating service and they are told to go to the doors down the hallway and select the room they wish to get a date from. But once they pass a door they can not go back
Door1 has the this sign on it
ugly and poor
Door2 has the following
handsome and poor
Door 3 the following
ugly and rich
Door 4 the following
handsome and rich
Door 5 the following
This door proves a woman is never happy.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
A man needs a wife like a bicycle needs a fish.
November 6th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Pankaj said:
... Being little on the heavier side was not a significant taboo as it is today, infact a little meat on the bones was appreciated ...
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This particular stereotype came about during the 60's-70's era. Many famous fashion models during that era started becoming familiar with Eastern religions, of which a good number contain tenets about asceticism as a method to gain enlightenment. This is the origin of the thin models, although the first crop were not unhealthy, and were responsible with their behavior. As always, the posers ruin it for everybody else :-(
November 6th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Ed said:
Men who respond to hints with action are in jail for rape.
==============
Something tells me this line would make for a shockingly good t-shirt.
November 6th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
up hill battle debating on the left leaning political correct people at cnn....
November 6th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Rubic,
You should see women in the east .. nothing ascetic about them.. nothing. Could have been one of those "lost in translation" errors that got interpreted that way. The more funny thing is that now the east is importing this artificial standard from the west!
November 6th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
I disagree that that 'thin is in' came from some weird philosophy.
The ideal is the fast, graceful athlete. I don't think I have ever seen better built women than surfer girls.
Models just want to have that look, which men instinctively admire, but they don't use proper exercise and diet, and so get lame and grossly weak. But clothing still makes them seem as if they might have a nice body underneath, as long as you don't have to watch them do something athletic.
November 6th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
The perpetual dissatisfaction of women is not new or the results of modern feminism. Freud asked nearly 100 years ago, "What do women want?" I believe he was noting the dissatisfaction he constantly saw in many women.
November 6th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
PolishKnight Says:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I'm happy to say that I have heard far more direct and blunt things from my wife within minutes of me getting home from work. So either this hairdresser's clients really had communication problems with their husbands (and friends) _OR_, worse, these women are just blurting out this kind of stuff to everyone and don't have a second thought about it.
___________________
IMO it is the second option. Like your wife, I've heard far worse than what Michael relates.
November 7th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Pankaj said:
Rubic,
You should see women in the east .. nothing ascetic about them.. nothing. Could have been one of those "lost in translation" errors that got interpreted that way. The more funny thing is that now the east is importing this artificial standard from the west!
===========
Prior to Buddhism, many pursuits of enlightenment were judged by degree of self deprivation. Siddhattha Gotama, the founder of Buddhism, had reduced his meals (of varying accounts, a leaf, nut, or grain of rice per day) and became so weak that he nearly drown when he fell into a river.
The point of the self-deprivation practiced by the earlier thin models was in order to practice and exhibit control over their respective states of mind and body. I'll agree that there was probably a fair amount of the teachings lost in translation, though. Buddhism inherently teaches balance, understanding, and honesty, rather than falling to extremes.
November 7th, 2008 at 7:27 am
Nope, it was the right thread after all! Bear with me, haven't had my caffeine fix yet ...
November 7th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Like corporate execs running a company into the ground and then bailing out with a golden parachute. And our system encourages this behavior. No wonder there are so many young boys joining gangs in this country.
November 7th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Nelson: "A man needs a wife like a bicycle needs a fish."
“I'd like to think that my husband needs me.”
Note that the assertion was not “women don’t like to think their husbands need them.” Your response is therefore irrelevant. I am not interested in what anyone would “like to think” only what they can support with evidence and/or argument. Perhaps, being a wife, my statement simply made you feel insecure as no-one likes to be told they are not needed, but facts is facts. If you died tomorrow your husband may be sad but would he drop dead? I doubt it.
Of course, if you define “need” as something you “like to have” or “want to have” then you may be right about your particular situation, but again note that i wrote “A man” not “Davina’s husband”.
“Men and women need each other.”
Another irrelevance as I wrote “wife” not woman. It does however lead me to point out that no, “men and women” don’t “need” each other. The species may, but individuals don’t, no matter how much they may want the other sex around. Bachelors, bachelorettes (hey how about that, bachelorette is a real word- I thought Bjork had made it up, like Carrol and “all mimsy were the borogoves”!), gays and lesbians all show otherwise.
“We need each other for companionship and procreation, among other things. “
No we don’t- most people seem to prefer the companionship of their own sex, and no one needs to procreate- the race may need it but individuals don’t, regardless of what they’ve been taught since childhood.
“Yes, many women in the west can and do work and thus have their own disposable income, but even these people eventually seek out some sort of long term companionship with someone.”
Again, “long term companionship” does not equate with “wife”- ask Kurt Russell.
“Yes, they may one day break up, but after a hiatus, they WILL find someone new to have another long term companionship with.”
Some will some wont. I personally have known people of both sexes who are not interested in such relation ships. Quantify madam, quantify.
“And that cycle will continue until the day you kick the bucket.”
It’s nice to know that once my humble self is dead people will drop their romantic illusions. Who would have thought little Michael Claymore would grow up to have such influence?
“Men and women need each other for more than just tangible gains. We all crave love and support, the need to feel like we matter to someone and to have someone other than our parents in our corner. “
Crave is not need- right now I crave a large box of chocolate Montes, but I do not need it. You can not offer “want” as evidence for “need”. Furthermore, most people get most of their support and love from friends and family of the same sex, thereby showing one doesn’t need to get it from the opposite sex..
“Therefore, that statement couldn't have shown itself to be a more blatant lie.”
A conclusion completely unsupported by your premises, whether in reference to my statement or Steinem’s.
Want is not need.
November 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Was it the "but would he drop dead? "
November 8th, 2008 at 2:49 am
wow, Nelson, you sound extremely dissilusioned with this world. I'm a wife as well, and my husband and I do need each other. The stability we have keeps him from slipping into depression (yes, he suffers depression and PTSD).
If we lived life the way you seem to think we should, then the human race wouldn't exist. People wouldn't seek out bonds with the opposite sex (because in your world we don't need it), meaning we wouldn't procreate.
Yes, I prefer the company of women for the most part, but the men in my life are just as important to me as the women, sometimes more so.
November 8th, 2008 at 7:19 am
My advice to men will never change. Do NOT get married. Do NOT have kids. At this point, if you do either, you and only you are to blame. We, as men, know the stakes. You will lose everything, and you will pay outrageous support when (notice when and not if) you get divorced.
Women are more interested in GETTING married, but they definitely don't want to BE married.
Judges and politicians in this country are useless and worthless as domestic decision makers, so save yourself a lot of headaches. Do NOT get married. Do NOT have kids.
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 am
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