'She said the kids didn’t like him anyway, but I bet they liked his child support'
November 14th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & FamiliesMichael, an Orange County, California reader, has been a hairdresser for 20 years and he says he's heard some incredible things from women in the hair salon where he works. He explains:
I have heard these same things said over and over for years from women of all walks of life yet I’ve never really heard these attitudes depicted in television, movies or any other venue. Most men would never be privy to such remarks.
It’s true what is said that people tell their hairdressers things they would never tell anyone else. I’ve heard the most incredible and bizarre tales but still have to keep a straight face. Many clients interpret the smiling nods as support and come out with the big secrets.
In this series--"Things a Hairdresser Hears"--Michael details some of the things he has heard and seen. This is of course a one-sided view, but it's an interesting one. I suppose the other side--the "bad things men do" side might be captured by a bartender or a barber. If one is reading this and would like to contribute, please email me at glenn@glennsacks.com.
Michael's first three posts were:
'There is nothing I can’t do for the kids that he can'.
Michael's Things a Hairdresser Hears (Part IV)
One woman who was a regular customer divorced her first husband because he wouldn’t become a born again Christian. Of course, the man she married after her divorce wasn't a Christian either, but he made big money and adopted her two children from her first marriage.
After seven years hubby #1 came back a born again Christian. So one sunny day this lady had husband #2 drive her to the dentist while her friends from church and husband #1 cleaned out husband # 2's house.
When husband #2 two came home from work that night to an empty house, he found out that she had left him for husband #1. But the woman still expected him to pay the child support for husband #1's kids that he had adopted seven years prior.
Even more incredible were the reactions from some of the people in our salon:
“He deserved it”
“You should’ve done it a long time ago”
“I wish I was as strong as you”
“Why did you wait so long?”
“If he can’t keep you happy….”
The woman said “The kids didn’t like him anyway.” But they liked his child support I’m sure. Years later she said to me that she knew it wasn’t the right thing to do but “Everyone's happy now, right?”
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November 14th, 2008 at 10:34 am
While I don't care too much for organized churches, that story is far, far fetched unless it was actually a cult rather than a real church.
I cannot picture people from a church getting together to rob someone's house.
A very far-fetched story to say the least.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Without wishing this becoming a complete flame-fest, it's been my (regrettably often reinforced) experience that those 'Christians' that are regular church-goers and like to proselytise all and sundry seem to exhibit remarkably few of what I'd consider to be good Christian values.
The Christian Right were more than happy to smear away at Obama (and there were some remarkably graceless concessions of defeat from Republican activists recently - only McCain stood out as being a good loser) and make some quite fantastic assertions about him.
The idea that members of her church would help this woman as they did does not surprise ME in the slightest. I wish it were otherwise.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Kids that lose a Dad postdivorce *change*. They lose the benefits of the male POV and statistically have worse odds in nearly everything in life.
November 14th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
@ I cannot picture people from a church getting together to rob someone's house
how do you know what they might have been told? Perhaps she claimed she was being abused and needed to get away and that her first husband was such a good man he agreed to help her.
anyone who would commit something like this is fully capable of saying ANYTHING to accomplish the deed.
November 14th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I've noted elsewhere that my older daughter is a designer at an elite metro salon, so her clientele is pretty upscale - lots of stay-at-home moms who snagged a highly paid professional husband.
She tells me that about 75% of the chit chat revolves around some kind of man-bashing.
Typical complaints include:
* He doesn't make enough money (this while dropping $200 on a cut, curl & manicure)
* He won't buy me the Mercedes I've wanted for over a year now - I'm still driving the Volvo
* I want a bigger house but he says we have to save for the kids' college
* He ignores me and works too much at the office
* He'd rather be with his buddies than with me
* I suspect he's cheating on me with his secretary
Clearly this is a "keep up with the Jonses" tribe of pampered princesses who measure their self-worth by their material possessions. The men in their lives are merely workaholic appliances charged with providing a certain lifestyle. The sense of entitlement in the salon is nauseating.
So far, the female Vanity Industry appears to be recession-proof. (As long as their hubbies can keep their jobs...)
I've also heard lots of stories about "good upstanding Christian women" who seem to be prone to lying down with their boyfriends while the main wallet is at work.
November 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I can believe this and know it happen every day. First: the woman goes to her " support structure, be it church, family, friends or who ever. Second: a smear campaign is started, he's neglectful, abusive, etc. Third support is rallied and a plan made, usually a misdirect and attack strategy (it's easy to misdirect the unsuspecting) Fourth: execution of the plan by the woman and her duped followers that are hell bent on teaching this evil man a lesson and make sure that the woman gets what she see as her, EVERY THING!!
As far as an ex, now soon to be target. helping. What a complete moron!!!! Fool me once,,,,,,,
November 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I think much of the verbal abuse and demeaning behavior women heap on men they supposedly love is a way of using leverage against men to get what they want (do this or else I will start bitching again). But it is also a way of showing off to peers that they have power. Sort of a sexual power muscle flexing if you will. Many women have an attitude that men will put up endlessly with their bad or demeaning behavior because she is worth it and this is inturn telegraphed to her peers as a way of showing her worth.
Men do this in other ways such as "racking up" or bragging about sexual encounters or other sorts of pissing contests. But because men are obligated to work, which is how most of us get ranked, we wear our status on our sleeve.
The moral of the story is: never let someone else's opinion of you be more important than your own.
November 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
"One woman who was a regular customer divorced her first husband because he wouldn’t become a born again Christian."
A course of action explicitly contraindicated by Paul in I Corinthians. Not that this variety of "Christian" reads the Bible anyway.
"Years later she said to me that she knew it wasn’t the right thing to do but “Everyone's happy now, right?”"
No, just her, the only one who matters.
I'm amazed that Husband #1 actually took her back after being shown what she really was.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Evidently she was not a good Christian or she would know that Malachi 2:16 has this to say: "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself [f] with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
She would also know that Mathew 5:31 will be counted both ways (Women have equal rights you know): 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[f] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery
November 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
She doesn't sound like very much of a Christian to me.
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
- Mahatma Gandhi
November 14th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Hold on, I'm gonna puke.....................................Gaaaaakkkkkk...............
Bill C
November 14th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I realize that women and men gossip, but I'm really torn about whether or not it does much good to point it out in your blog. It goes back to my dad saying, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."
What's uplifting about all this? I know that there is whole bunch of females out there who have a secret gossip campaign against me in my community because I have the audacity to speak up for men's issues, but what can you really do but go on and do the best you can without dropping to their level. Hopefully, over time people will see the reality, rather than the spin. I guess I'm just an optimist at heart.
November 14th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
When my uncle's ex wife tried to clean him out she got help from people at church by telling them they had a moved planned but my uncle had to go away on an unexpected business trip. For the third parties here they may very well have been deceived so it's only fair to extend the benefit of the doubt.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Michael, thanks for sharing these stories with us so that we can get a glimpse into the true thought process of these parasites. Men realy need to be aware that there are females who think and act like this so that they can take steps to protect themselves against this kind of scum. We obviously can't count on the police or the courts. After all, judges routinely award custody of children (along with huge sums of money) to parasites like this every day. All in the so-called "best interests of the children."
This is just another example of why I say that there should be no place for chivalry in a modern society. There are far too many scum like this that will use it to ruin the lives of decent men.
November 15th, 2008 at 11:52 am
The christian element of this tale was more about the sympathy a woman can evoke if her story is well played. Christians much like police, a group that I assume are always trying to help people, often misdirect their help in hurtful ways due to the misleading stories of very convincing female victims.
Recently a female friend told me all about her break up and how he got "physical". Weeks later after the emotions had subsided she confided, "he really didnt get physical with me, he held me against the wall while i tried to hit him". This was in confidence of course because we as her friends are all supporting her ( nod nod wink wink). And its amazing how many have already joined her little army of sympathizers. Im starting to think the whole thing is a charade for the attention.
November 15th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I would imagine that all these friends of hers wouldnt hesitate to help her clean out the ex s place at this point.
November 16th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
GR
November 17th, 2008 at 7:52 am
The story sounds like BS to me, but anyway . . . I agree it's a bad idea to marry a woman and adopt her children from another man. Heck, I think it's a bad idea to marry a woman who already has children. Marriage is hard enough with a woman who enters the relationship childless.