Syndicated Columnist Amy Alkon: DART Ads Are 'Ugly, Toxic, and Wrong'
October 28th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & FamiliesSyndicated Columnist Amy Alkon, whose advice columns appear in over 100 newspapers, wrote a piece today condemning DART's father-bashing domestic violence ads. Alkon explains:
Men alone are made out to be monsters on the Dallas buses carrying domestic violence ads for The Family Place, a domestic violence shelter whose executive director is uninformed that men are domestic violence victims...or knows and doesn't care...or knows and is purposely ginning up controversy to stretch her publicity dollar.
Whatever her reason, the shelter's advertising is ugly, toxic, and wrong.
Read Alkon's full piece here.
We want DART to take down these anti-father ads. To send a protest email and fax to DART executives, click here. To call them, click here.
To learn more about our campaign, including media coverage, click here.
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October 28th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Go Amy!!
October 28th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Amy has always come across as a very level headed individual. I enjoy going to her site. Thanks Amy for joining in the fight against this.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
It is always a real joy to run across another woman who gets it.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
These ads go beyond just father-bashing, too. They're anti-boy and pro child exploitation.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Good on you Amy. Huzzah!
October 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
How can an ad so divisive be consistent with "community standards"?
Here's the most troubling aspect: generally when an ad campaign is inundated with so much protestation, the sponsors of the ad reconsider and withdraw the ad. This twisted campaign seems to thrive on offending men. The Family Place is probably very pleased with the gender divisive offense it has created, and I would bet a large sum of money that some of the women who run that organization are openly saying, "It's exactly the response we wanted!" Offend the abusers. Get it? That's us -- men. Rationality and truth are trumped by misplaced anger, and the Glenn Sacks protest is viewed as nothing more than a sickly wheeze of the crippled patriarchy, trying to subjugate women by crushing this "factual" ad.
And what on earth do these women think their message is telling our sons? That they were born into a flawed gender and they themselves are flawed, of course. Sadly, I suspect they know that, and that they truly believe it.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Just as women needed men to "equalize" the playing field, so to do men need women like Amy to bring the proverbial pendulem back to the middle.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Well, I think the best news is that this is spreading awareness on the whole about domestic violence more than those silly bus adds would have even with the best advertisement possible. Quite possibly the most universally beneficial $25,000 spent on a worthy cause, although if the person in charge in Dallas takes credit for the overall benefit I wouldn't be surprised.
I wonder if Austin is similar? I was debating on moving to Austin or San Diego, and after this incident I don't think Texas is a good state for me to move to for grad school and Environmental Chemistry.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
"Well, I think the best news is that this is spreading awareness on the whole about domestic violence more than those silly bus adds would have even with the best advertisement possible. Quite possibly the most universally beneficial $25,000 spent on a worthy cause, although if the person in charge in Dallas takes credit for the overall benefit I wouldn't be surprised."
Exactly, who can honestly say today that they weren't aware DV is a problem?
Ironically the real problem is that they don't realise it effects men just as much. The information was literally suppressed.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Put this in the category of "I'm just sayin'": Dallas leads the nation in DNA exonerations for wrongful convictions of men accused of rape and murder and similar crimes -- 19 since 2001. That is an astounding and inexcusable mistreatment of persons who happen to belong to one gender. Coincidence? Or are these wrongful convictions and the father bashing ads just two different threads on a massive misandry quilt that Dallas is rapidly becoming known for?
October 28th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Michael - I live outside of Austin, and it's a laid back town for the most part. Most of Texas is conservative, but Travis county is very liberal. IMO, Texas itself is not a good state to live if you are a man and get divorced, though. And, if you have kids and get divorced? Forget it. Cornyn was the previous DA and he would chest-pump each time he caught another "deadbeat". He used the DA as a step towards being a Senator (which he now is). His replacement also advocates going after "deadbeats", so nothing has changed. If nothing else, the news not too long ago of how the state (illegally) went after blood of the parents (read: fathers/men) of that church sect should give you an indication of how anti-male this state is.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Another thing I realized about those two ads - (and maybe someone already mentioned this already) - is the use of the word "WILL". Not may or might, but WILL. The ads are repugnant enough, but using the word WILL suggests (to me) that it is a forgone conclusion - no if's, and's, or but's. The girl's husband WILL kill her and the boy WILL beat his wife. Repulsive. I certainly hope those who permitted this campaign will get fired, or, at least, have to publicly apologize. Wishful thinking.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Wow Javier- I did not realize that and I think it is a great point. It makes the ad even more disturbing. Any word on the outcome of DART's meeting yesterday to discuss this "crisis" ?
October 28th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
What we have is a backwater Dallas gender feminist domestic violence shelter, poorly managed by an unqualified supervisor, spending $25,000 in DART bus advertising to “create awareness” for an 8-in-1,000,000 issue because it gives her an opportunity for hate mongering against all boys, men, husbands, and fathers on somebody else’s dime.
Dallas’s DART, which has a whole layer of bureaucracy specifically for back-slapping and covering each other’s backside (see the list of names and titles posted in the adjoining thread) took the $25,000 and decided they will simply blow off the protests.
When DART decides to show all these people the door and focus on spending the money on safe, clean, efficient buses that run on time, maybe they’ll stop reaching so low for the last buck they can snatch.
DanH
October 28th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If you noodle around a bit on The Family Place's web site, you will discover the standard language of "men are batterers, women are victims" creed.
Here's how they describe -
Signs of an Abusive Relationship:
He pushes for quick involvement
He is excessively possessive
He is controlling
He has unrealistic expectations
He isolates you
He blames others for his problems and mistakes
He makes everyone else responsible for his feelings
He is hypersensitive
He displays cruelty to animals
He displays “playful” use of force
He verbally abuses you
He insists on rigid roles for men and women
He displays sudden mood swings
He has battered in the past
He threatens you with physical violence
It would be very easy to make this material gender-neutral by starting each bullet point with s/he, but I doubt that it is going to happen.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
What they really mean is, He has a penis.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
While I was dropping my kids off at a facility so their abusive mother could have a dinner with them, I noticed a poster that discussed verbal abuse.
I consider that this poster was just as abusive as any verbal abuse. "you're worthless", "you're bad", "you'll never amount to anything", "you're a rapist", "you're a deadbeat dad", "you're a wife beater"
October 28th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
"Or are these wrongful convictions and the father bashing ads just two different threads on a massive misandry quilt that Dallas is rapidly becoming known for?"
Honestly, it's probably coincidence.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
FWIW - I love Austin/ Travis county. Yeah, it's a bit on the liberal side for my tastes, but it's got a high number of libertarians, as well. If you're looking for something a little more conservative, one of the 'burbs is in the next county (Williamson), and they are *very* conservative by comparison.
All of the fun of a big city, but the big city problems are no where near that level in proportion.
October 28th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
The Family Place Web site contains some elements you might find repugnant.
Here is my favorite:
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Warning signs of an abusive personality
Something’s just not right in your relationship, and you can’t put your finger on it. So here’s some help. If your partner is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may getting involved with a potential batterer.
1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on very strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures a girl for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. He is excessively possessive. He calls constantly or visits unexpectedly, prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone,” and even checks the mileage on your car.
3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were. He insists you ask his permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. He has unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect girl all the time and meet his every need.
5. He isolates you. He tries to cut you off from family and friends and accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” An abuser may try to prevent you from holding a job, going to church or being part of school organizations.
6. He blames others for his problems and mistakes. The teacher, the coach, you—it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. He makes everyone else responsible for his feelings. An abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of, “I am angry” or, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.” Less obvious but equally telling is the claim: “You make me happy.”
8. He is hypersensitive. He is easily insulted and claims that his feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
9. He displays cruelty to animals. He kills or punishes animals brutally.
10. He displays “playful” use of force. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will. He forces you to kiss him and doesn’t accept “no.”
11. He verbally abuses you. He constantly criticizes you or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades you, curses and calls you ugly names. If he does this in front of other people, you may really be at risk for physical abuse.
12. He insists on rigid roles for men and women. He is strong. You are weak. He expects you to serve and obey him because you are “his woman.”
13. He displays sudden mood swings. He switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in minutes.
14. He has battered in the past. He admits to hitting girls in the past but says they or the situation made him do it.
15. He threatens you with physical violence. He makes statements like, “I’ll break your neck.” or “I’ll kill you.” and then dismiss them with, “Everybody talks that way.” or “I didn’t really mean it.” If he has come this far, it is time to get out and get help.
If your partner hits you in public, tries to strangle you or threatens suicide, get help fast. These are very real, very dangerous warning signs of extreme danger.
October 28th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Columnist Amy Alkon says-
Marrying The Hatchet
My husband of two months has always treated me very well, and is usually thoughtful. But, one week before our wedding, he broke a promise. I hate the whole stripper thing, so he agreed to a coed party at a dueling piano bar. There was a strip club next door, but he promised he wouldn’t go in. All was well until I learned that he and his brother (who’s nothing but trouble) were at the strip club. I went over and went crazy and tossed an ashtray at his head. I was kicked out, they followed, and his brother yelled at me. I wanted to call off the wedding, but we still got married. Since then, I keep bringing this up and he keeps begging for forgiveness, saying he’d never been so drunk, and he didn’t know what he was doing. I just can’t understand how he could hurt me this way.
--Still So Angry Inside
Amy replies-
If your husband tossed an ashtray at your head, do you think he’d be describing himself as “Still So Angry Inside” or “Still In Court Trying To Get The Charges Reduced”?
wow, now this is a women that I could love. level headed and fair.
she did leave out the part where the women who through the ashtray married her husband without actually forgiving him.
"Since then, I keep bringing this up and he keeps begging for forgiveness"
meaning what? she never forgave him? or she forgave him but the forgiveness has a secret expiration date that only the women knows about.
this sounds familiar i just can't place it....I got it, its women logic.
October 28th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
And isn't it ironic that this "shelter" is called "The Family Place?" It's whole purpose is to defame traditional families. It should be called "The Anti-Family Place."
October 28th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Tim Murray Says:
October 28th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
The Family Place Web site contains some elements you might find repugnant.
Here is my favorite:
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Warning signs of an abusive personality
Something’s just not right in your relationship, and you can’t put your finger on it. So here’s some help. If your partner is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may getting involved with a potential batterer.
______________________
You and the web site must be mistaken. One female poster here has assured us...nay has insisted there is no way for a women to tell if a man will be abusive until they are in an established relationship. Before this, the poster claims, that all abusive men act perfectly normal.
Differing feminist opinions, oh my. Who to believe!?!
October 28th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
All was well until I learned that he and his brother (who’s nothing but trouble) were at the strip club. I went over and went crazy and tossed an ashtray at his head. I was kicked out, they followed, and his brother yelled at me. I wanted to call off the wedding, but we still got married.
Hmm...threw an ash tray at his head in a populated strip club. Not only did this "lovely little lady" not care if she hurt her fiance but she apparently didn't care who else she might have hurt while having her childish temper tantrum. And still the foolish man married this abusive little shrew.
Feminists here will say he should have known better just as they will say out of the other side of their mouths that there is "no way" for women to spot an abusive person.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
11. He verbally abuses you. He constantly criticizes you or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades you, curses and calls you ugly names. If he does this in front of other people, you may really be at risk for physical abuse.
This very thing happened to me a few months ago. I actually wrote a post about it. The guy went on and on cursing, yelling at , and insulting me. I told him that whoever he ends up with will be a battered woman. Of couse he claimed that he would never hit a woman...yeah right. But one thing I had in my corner was a history of witnessing spousal abuse, woman against man and man against woman. Had I not had the history, I would have thought "I can handle this guy" or "I'll just tell him off whenever he verbally attacks me." But. my history let me know that this would have eventually gotten physical and I would have been no match for that.
My point is, people will not notice signs or mistake them for something else. The more people learn what to watch out for, they'll avoid toxic individuals.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
LorMarie Says:
"My point is, people will not notice signs or mistake them for something else. The more people learn what to watch out for, they'll avoid toxic individuals."
Absolutely! Which is precisely why the DV industry should cease and desist this nonsense of portraying men as the only abusers and women as the only victims. Our society will never make any real progress against domestic violence with this idiotic approach.
October 28th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Everyone here knows and recalls that the last time VAWA was reauthorized and refunded, Sen. Joe "Father of VAWA" Biden deliberately censored the testimony at the DOJ hearings by banning any experts other than those that were ideological feminists.
Had any of dozens of objective researchers been invited to testify, we would be today making some significant progress towards understanding DV and reforming the system that is so broken that it is ineffective in addressing the problems of family conflict.
The gatekeepers in Congress need to be put on notice. No more censorship!
October 28th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
If you heard Joe Biden last night being interviewed by a news anchor who was not throwing softballs at him, you would have heard a cranky -- make that miserable -- old man who huffs and fumes when someone dares challenge him. And this is what will be a heartbeat away from the Presidency? I'll take Sarah over THAT.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:16 am
Perspicacious says - You and the web site must be mistaken. One female poster here has assured us...nay has insisted there is no way for a women to tell if a man will be abusive until they are in an established relationship. Before this, the poster claims, that all abusive men act perfectly normal.
Differing feminist opinions, oh my. Who to believe!?!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feminists will claim both are possible.
You see, men are inherently violent, but after eons of practice, are able to disguise this fact from women. You must check the proscribed feminist checklist to see if he is abusive however, because men aren't capable of lying like women are (oops, didn't mean to say that out loud), our checklist will help you spot that evil, nasty abusive brute. Women on the other hand, are so saintly and virtuous, that unless she is stabbing you with a knife or shooting you, she can't be considered violent (and even then, it is self defense because he said we did look fat in this outfit).
October 29th, 2008 at 3:59 am
Amy is very interesting. I enjoy visiting her site every few months or so to post nonsense comments.
Thanks for opposing the DART ads, Amy.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Would these same people agree to run the following campaigns?
1. "Stop Child Abuse"...picture of girl saying "when I have kids, I will abuse them..."
Picture of a boy, "if my daddy is not around, my mommy will abuse me..."
2. "Women Gold Diggers"...picture of girl saying "when I grow up I want to be a gold digger just like my mom..." picture of boy, "my daddy takes care of me and doesn't want me around girls who become gold diggers..."
Nah, I doubt it...
I am not even against this for making kids afraid of their fathers, although I agree 100% that is what it will do, but the fact that it is perverting the minds of girls to think all boys are abusers...what chance do our boys have?
October 29th, 2008 at 8:41 am
By the way, my first husband did beat me...I saw the signs BEFORE I ever married him...I married him anyway...My dad beat my mom when I was little and I thought everyone lived this way...
However, besides that knucklehead, I have only met two other men who have beat their wives...I have met at least 30+ that DO NOT...I have also met two men who divorced their wives because of their physical and verbal abuse...The courts didn't believe them either...They gave custody of the kids to the mothers...The mothers now beat their kids...The courts still have done nothing...One is even a teacher for special needs kids...She has even hit her daughter in school and yet CPS puts her as the poor "single mom" that is dealing with teen...a straight A teen at that...
October 29th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Whatmess, you are a gem. You have obviously worked through your own experiences and refuse to let them lead you to bigoted generalizations. I admire you for that.
This next generation of girls and boys are living through all this, and when they are adults they will see through all these claims and counterclaims and ideology, and they will clean up this mess.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I saw this comment over at Amy Alkon's, and to me it makes a lot of sense:
"If and when I see ads like this in public where I live, I take them down or deface them. I am more than happy to risk getting arrested for the truth. Action counts. Words are just words."
Food for thought.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
roy Says:
October 28th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If you noodle around a bit on The Family Place's web site, you will discover the standard language of "men are batterers, women are victims" creed.
Here's how they describe -
Signs of an Abusive Relationship:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just went to take a look at this page. They have changed all of them to now read
he/she - that was a quick cover your ass edit.
http://www.familyplace.org/Page.aspx?pid=228
October 29th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
it's funny though, they didn't correct all the pages:
on thier "About Us" page:
http://www.familyplace.org/Page.aspx?pid=216
The Family Place is the largest family violence service provider in the Dallas area reaching out to thousands of victims of family violence each year with award-winning programs that keep women and children safe.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
At their web site, they're actually claiming, "We help all victims of family violence -- women, children, and men!" What a load of shit. When's the last time The Family Place brought a hot lunch to a victim of false rape accusations? NEVER, that's when.
Their goal is to permanently attach the word "violence" to the word "family," just like these people have forever connected the words "deadbeat" and "dad." It should be called The Destroy Family Place.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I don't really know much Amy Alkon. I've seen a smattering of her articles republished on Glenn's website. From what I have seen she may be a FRA/MRA ally.
But I don't recall seeing much of any pro-father articles from her until very recently. I don't know that I would put her in the same category of say a Cathy Young, or Kathleen Parker.
I think these action alerts (I haven't called DART but promise to today) are very very good for the MRA view to get out there.
But what I think will be an interesting side effect is that THE SAME toadying-up effect that makes MSM's now servilely regurgitate feminist lies, will also behoove us in getting our truths out there.
Particularly as feminists (especially radical man-hating equality-of-outcome-gender-differences-be-damned feminists) are seen to be "the establishment" and MRA's are seen to be evant-garde anti-establishment we will see more and more authors and editorialists sniff the prevailing wind and start aligning themselves with us.
I think this will also happen with politicians and celebrities too (as with Alec Baldwin).
The more we are in the public eye, the more greater will be the pressure for toadies to shift their allegiances as they sense they may be dealt out of the loop if they are the last remaining rats on a burning ship.
I would compare it to the scene in Lord of the Rings: Return of The King, where the cavalry is charging down on the orc pikemen and they (the orcs) one by one start breaking ranks.
Feminists like Jeanna, Lisa KS, Katie Staunton, New Friend, To All, and Claudia are obviously very frightened of the MRA movement--and they should be.
For they are gender bigots and have as much to fear from us as male gender bigots had to fear from feminists in the 50's and 60's. Equality sucks for those in privileged positions which any honest person would admit women undoubtedly are in this gynocentric era.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Those signs of an abuser Roy and Tim list from the Family Place website. Now guys, be honest. Have you ever met a woman, any woman at all, who doesn't display any of those behaviours in her intimate relationship? I haven't. Not one, not even the nice ones.
Feminist projection ahoy! If a man behaves like a woman, he's an abuser.
October 29th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
# Patrick Brown Says:
October 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Those signs of an abuser Roy and Tim list from the Family Place website. Now guys, be honest. Have you ever met a woman, any woman at all, who doesn't display any of those behaviours in her intimate relationship? I haven't. Not one, not even the nice ones.
Feminist projection ahoy! If a man behaves like a woman, he's an abuser.
Very few women display those behaviors. I doubt that you meet very many women who do act that way. Why joke about it?
October 29th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I'm not joking. I have never met a single woman who displays none of those behaviours towards her significant other. The nice ones only display one or two. Cruelty to animals isn't common, I admit, but most of the behaviours on that list are occupational hazards when dating women.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
LorMarie Says:
October 29th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
# Patrick Brown Says:
October 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Those signs of an abuser Roy and Tim list from the Family Place website. Now guys, be honest. Have you ever met a woman, any woman at all, who doesn't display any of those behaviours in her intimate relationship? I haven't. Not one, not even the nice ones.
LorMarie: Feminist projection ahoy! If a man behaves like a woman, he's an abuser.
Very few women display those behaviors.
_________________
Why do you bother with the sisterhood's Big Lies? Anyone who has talked to more than 5 or 10 adult women in their lives knows from *experience* that some of the signs mentioned by Roy and Tim hold true for women, too.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
"Very few women display those behaviors. I doubt that you meet very many women who do act that way. Why joke about it?"
LoriMarie, are you kidding - those are practically stereotypes of the way women act, at least toward men.
Have you ever heard the traditional advice fathers give their sons about marriage? "Always let her win the arguments." It comes from somewhere, Lori.
October 30th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Jim Says:
"those are practically stereotypes of the way women act, at least toward men. Have you ever heard the traditional advice fathers give their sons about marriage? 'Always let her win the arguments.' It comes from somewhere, Lori."
Which is precisely why I agree with LorMarie that these signs or traits of abusive people should be displayed for everyone to see, only in gender neutral terms. The better educated people are about these traits (without all of the gender-based nonsense) the more likely they are to spot them in other people (both men and women) and the less likely they are to tolerate this kind of nonsense from another individual, regardless of whether they are male or female. The women who participate in this type of behavior do so because we men, and society in general, gives them a free pass to do so. It's time for the fee ride to end!
October 31st, 2008 at 8:24 am
This is nothing compared to the new IMBRA law that now makes it illegal to introduce American men to foreign women via a dating website because 1% of those foreign women might some day end up being immigrant wives and that, of course, means they will be chained up in the basement as slaves.
These women's "shelters" are way out of control and it is unconstitutional for the federal government to fund them. This is a states rights issue.
October 31st, 2008 at 8:26 am
I meant that it is illegal to introduce people entirely because IMBRA makes it impossible for women who do not have email to sign in writing that they read the American man's thorough background check. The "woman must sign in writing" clause of that law effectively banishes all people who do not have email from the international dating scene.
April 15th, 2009 at 8:45 am
The style of writing is very familiar . Have you written guest posts for other blogs?