Glenn Discusses Single Motherhood by Choice on the Dennis Prager Show (Audio)
January 28th, 2009 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
I discussed the Single Motherhood/Fatherhood by Choice movement on the nationally-syndicated Dennis Prager Show yesterday. Guest host Mark Taylor and I covered many aspects of the problem during our hour-long discussion, but the exchange below where we both remembered our breadwinner fathers' roles in our lives when we were kids was something we don't hear nearly enough of--fathers getting credit for what they do for their children.
Glenn: One of the things they do is dismiss the role of the breadwinner. You see this in women’s advocate groups' approach towards family law. The only real parenting is done by the primary caregiver. If you were out working 50 years, 60 hours a week, you can sacrifice to give your wife and kids a good life, a good standard of living for them. Somehow that doesn’t really count. You’re not really doing what you need to do. You don’t really matter.
Not only is that tremendously unfair, fathers who are out there doing what their wives need them to, and their wives want them to. It also very much sells them short, their bond and their love, and their father.
Mark: There is no fatherly love. No male role modeling, he is really bringing nothing to the table but a paycheck?
Glenn: Yeah basically. I just think of my own upbringing. My father worked 6 days a week for 35 years. He was the big figure, the hero in my life. My father loves to tell this story--when I was 3 or 4 years old and he had to go out of town on business. When he came back, I would turn my back on him. I wouldn’t even speak to him because I was so upset, because he wasn’t there.
[My mom says] every day [when] I would hear his car in the driveway, he was coming home, I would rush to the door and I would bang on the screen and couldn’t wait for him to come in.
When Rosanna Hertz and Peggy Drexler and some of the other apostles of single motherhood by choice were telling us is essentially because of fathers like my dad worked hard to support their families, they don’t matter. They aren’t around as much as the moms, the primary caregiver.
Mark: I had similar experiences too. My father had to work two jobs part of when I was growing up. I would see him coming up the street and I would run to meet him so I could be with him while he ate before he had to go off to his other job to support us. He had a huge impact on our lives...
To listen to the audio of the show, click here.
(The sound levels on the podcast are a little off between the host and myself and the callers.)
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January 28th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Glenn,
Do you announce these guest appearances?
Dennis is fantastic ( as are his guests).
If folks don't know, Dennis has Male/Female hour on wednesdays 12PM that is always interesting and relevant for our issues.
Happiness hour is on Friday - also very interesting.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
It's unbelievable that we've allowed the radical feminists to define fatherhood out of existence. And now we're today's radicals; the people who advocate common sense over blind enablement of antisocial female behavior.
The freaks are running the circus!
January 28th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Okay maybe I just haven't looked around enough on your website, but as Miles was alluding to, do you have a schedule to show some of your up coming radio/tv shows? I would like to know if possible. I agree with Miles, well I haven't heard a lot of Dennis Prager's shows, I do enjoy them when I hear him. He does a fairly good radio show in my limited listening.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
The great hypocrisy of the idea that the breadwinner is the lesser parent is that this is only argued when said person is male. Very few feminists believe that if a man marries, has kids, stays at home looking after them while his wife works 40-60 as a lawyer or doctor, then gets a divorce, he should be the one to get the kids. In other words, its not a reason, its an excuse. Such is feminism.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Single motherhood by choice is selfish,because it puts the needs and personal "fulfillment" of the woman above the best interests of the children.It also allows the woman to arrogantly proclaim "I can raise my children myself..they dont need a dad" Irregardless of the numerous studies proving the benefits of both a mom and dad.Of course,in a single mother home,the children are likely to be left to their own devices while mom "fulfills" herself.And moral guidance? Forget it.Not in a single mom home.
January 29th, 2009 at 4:38 am
As usual, Glenn does a fine job. The only thing that bothered me was when the host spouted nonsens about black fathers "impregating women then abandoning their children".
January 29th, 2009 at 5:27 am
Norman L. said
"As usual, Glenn does a fine job. The only thing that bothered me was when the host spouted nonsens about black fathers "impregating women then abandoning their children".
This is along the lines of Barack Obama's remarks. Whilst I generally support Obama, his line on fahters does concern me, but he does seem like the sort of guy you could talk to, so maybe this should be a focus for campaigning. There is, of course, some truth in these remarks, but half truths are always more dangerous than outright lies.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:21 am
i seems that all the single fathers i know are in that situation because the mom passed away, or the mom was on drugs, or the mom left the family for a stud, or the mom was in jail, or something to do with the MOM. it's never a choice the dad would have made if given other avenues. also, most single dads just punt when it comes to support from the mom. they will tell you she needs it more than they do. doesn't anyone ever connect these dots as to how we run our country ?
January 29th, 2009 at 8:40 am
These women want to turn the evolutionary clock back to a lower form of life,i.e. moose, where mothers raise children alone. Humans evolved using the pattern of fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles and grandparents all nurturing the child.
The change back has been quick, when you look at the matriarchal inner city communities, i.e. Detroit, where less than half the high school graduates can read and gangs of males flourish. See the single mother evolutionary downturn..
January 29th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Voluntary single motherhood is a crime against society.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
"When Rosanna Hertz and Peggy Drexler and some of the other apostles of single motherhood by choice were telling us is essentially because of fathers like my dad worked hard to support their families, they don’t matter. They aren’t around as much as the moms, the primary caregiver."
Unfortunately, it isn't just these "apostles" who are preaching this message. The same message is repeated almost every day in almost every state in the US in a so-called "family court" near you. Actions speak much louder than words, and the actions of the judges, lawyers, and politicians in this country are also telling us that fathers don't matter, except of course as a source of income.
But don't worry, it appears that young men have gotten that message, loud and clear.
February 3rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I was my son's primary caregiver from 2 months to just over 4 yrs. and worked for an employer who allowed me to 'customize' my schedule so that I could be dad. Mom did as she pleased. She took me to court.
The tables were turned and she still got all the benefits. Of course now I'm just a visitor in my child's life. --No win situation for this dad.
The message I wanted my son to get- I'd love/support him and his mother and make every sacrifice for a loving/healthy family.
February 4th, 2009 at 4:57 am
even if the father was the primary caretaker he doesn't matter, mothers UNwill is law!
February 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Tell me about it. I had my child for the first 8 months of his life. His mom went back to work after her 2 month maternity leave. I cared for him in the day, and often at night becuase she had to work.
Concilliator gave me every other weekend and 1 day a week. She 'allowed' me to still watch him during the day while I was not working, but assigned me to pay child support, which in-turn forced me to get a different job than I was planning on.
So in that situation, mom gets free daycare, mom gets child support, mom gets custody, mom calls the shots. Even though dad was the primary caregiver for the first 8 months.
Yay!
February 4th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Bob, everyone respects your commitment to being a good father so please don't take this the wrong way, but what do you expect?
I have a similar friend who also did a major portion of the home and paid work and ultimately divorced his "clicker" wife and then she discovered all the hidden benefits he had been providing ("free" house repairs, "free" daycare, "free" car repair, "free" cleaning). He managed to get a shared parenting arrangement but even so, he still paid her $50 a week in "child" support (because he earned more at the time and the system says that both parents should contribute based upon their income). Then he lost his job and had to live off of his retirement and unemployment. Now, HE'S asking for child support!
It's a great lesson not only for his ex-wife but also for his daughter as well. People who know me are shocked and say that I'm tough on the women in my life, but I think we're only being fair.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
frankly, I expected the court to take into account that I was instrumental in raising the child, and award joint custody as I had recommended. I expected them to weigh the facts, evaluate the situation, USE THE GUIDELINES THEY PUBLISH FOR ESTABLISHING CUSTODY, and do what was best for the child. I did NOT expect them to rubberstamp me because I have a twig and berries between my legs. Clearly, I was ALL wrong.
Also, me, being the IDIOT that I am, reconciled with the woman about 2 years later, married, and had another child with her only for her to do the same thing to me again. We had the conciliation 2 weeks ago, but we haven't gotten the determination. I'm assuming I"m going to get screwed again.
Before, we settled out of court before the referee hearing, which I think was a mistake, but I may or may settle for the same, which was 5 nights and 6 days out of 14 with me and joint legal, but her with full custody. I don't think I"m going to settle this time. Even if my labors are fruitless this time, at least I know I did all I could.