'Life without a mother and father in the home is the rankest cruelty self-absorbed adults can inflict...'
April 28th, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.For children of the unwed, especially among the underclass, life without a mother and father in the home is the rankest cruelty self-absorbed adults can inflict unintentionally.
This column by Jim Wooten is much needed (Atlanta Journal Constitution, 4/21/09). Wooten is one of the staunchest champions of fathers and of children's need for fathers in the mainstream media. He gets it and is not afraid to say so. Read the above quotation and ask yourself how many MSM pieces you've seen recently (or ever) that have put it so clearly. The decision by an adult to voluntarily be a single parent is a profound disservice to that adult's children.
Wooten is writing about the Georgia Fatherhood program that seeks to connect fathers (and a few mothers) with their children. These are overwhelmingly men with backgrounds of poverty, little education and crime. But Wooten doesn't assume that they care nothing for their children. As the large and valuable multi-year study entitled Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing clearly showed, these fathers strongly desire connection to their children. As one of the Fragile Families researcher, Kathryn Eden has said, for those men, including the younger ones, fatherhood is the one thing that gives meaning to their lives. They wear it like a badge of honor that bespeaks their valiant protection of their children in a dangerous world.
Wooten understands that and tells it to his readers.
He's also willing to ask the trenchant questions about why women think it's acceptable to conceive children with men whom they don't deem to be marriageable. In other words, why has an epidemic of single motherhood developed in this country?
He's even bold enough to suggest an answer. Wooten knows that there's no substitute for two-parent families; he knows that children do better with a mother and a father than they do with a mother or a father. But, he points out, popular culture seems bent on "going the other way," i.e. toward demeaning marriage.
This tug of war between popular culture against marriage and state efforts to connect fathers and children, Wooten rightly calls "insanity."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Jim Wooten can be contacted at jwooten@ajc.com.
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April 28th, 2009 at 10:19 am
He's also willing to ask the trenchant questions about why women think it's acceptable to conceive children with men whom they don't deem to be marriageable.
Marriagable?
Check out the link below:
http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2007/06/08/girl-get-that-child-support/
GIRL, GET THAT CHILD SUPPORT: THE BABY MAMA'S GUIDE TO TRACKING DOWN A DEADBEAT, FINDING HIS CASH AND MAKING HIM PAY EVERY DOLLAR HE OWES YOU.
This is the mind set of the poor who read books- you can only immagine what it is amoung the illeterate. Having children is an income source- the welfare of the child is irrelevant in their minds.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:53 am
It sure is.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
As Justine suggested, Jim Wooten still misses an important point: a driving force behind the rise of single motherhood might also be the almighty $$$.
A single mother receives significantly more welfare than a married one. Why then would she get married?
In addition to welfare, she also receives child support, which can be a very considerable amount.
Just the tax benefits and child support of $500 / month (not much these days), will amount to $240,000 (tax free) over 20 years. And that's even before you factor in welfare!!
April 28th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I still don't know anybody at all that pays only $500 a month in CS, and I know a lot of Fathers.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
wow some of the commenters were pretty vile.
"By: guz on 7/18/2007 2:34PMNeutral I fully understand. My ex did not want to support my son because I didn't give him his last name. He died and now my son gets his SS benefits. That fool had to die in order to take care of his responsibility. How sad."
Didn't give him his last name? I honestly think it's very likely she didn't let him have anything to do with his child. Why would she even do that to him accept to hurt him?
Then to say something like this with absolutely no respect after he died. Clearly he should have taken her before he left this world.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I know of a single Mom who is 18 and who was caring for the child she and a man conceived. Only the child was taken away from her due to her chronic drug use & living on the streets lifestyle.
Meanwhile the Dad was not contacted.
He works and pays child support to her.
Even though the child is not presently under her care.
Last I heard she bought lots of new going-out clothes for herself along with a fancy cell phone for texting. Using the child support money. Which also goes to pay for more party drugs.
Is that in the best interest of the child?
April 28th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
"Girl get that child support" appears to be a self published book not backed by a publishing company. On the author's site: "coming soon- Boy watch that child support: how to keep a gold digger from draining your pockets dry." It doesn't come from any particular concern for mothers, fathers, or children. It's pure mercenary capitalism.
April 28th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
#4, Sad Dad,
State said I was “entitled” to $487/mth for one kid, settled for $450 and he paid all travel expenses, which amounted to two trips and one of those he drove down to pick her up and drove her back. My father paid my mother $1300/mth for my sister (I was an adult already) for 7 years. Yes, I did ask my father if he was crazy to agree to that amount. His response was “I just want this over with.” And yes, I did give my mother…..let’s just say “a hard time”……
My BF's order at its highest was almost $900/mth, but that was for three kids.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Leaving the CS issue out of the equation altogether... it's refreshing to see at least an attempt at objectivity in legislation for change.
Gunner Retired
April 29th, 2009 at 7:28 am
My BF was paying 1,200 a month NET off of a 28K GROSS annual salary to the psycho PAS Specialist CPS worker ex-wife. He:
1. didnt' want his kids to go without (they are actually living the life of riley, eating out every night, a new Wii game every 2 weeks or so) on the other hand, BFand I are scrimping like nobody's business,
2. he paid that much to "keep her from dragging him back to court" (actually b/c she got away with so much, i.e. 100% of the sale of the marital home, his ENTIRE salary plus overtime for the first 6 mos they separated, etc. it has emboldened her to try more antics, step up the PAS, etc.)
BF walked on eggshells around her and to an extent still does.
Moral of the story: CS is matriarchy support plain and simple; and don't worry about enforcing your parental rights or "making waves" ; feel free to stand up to the psycho biomom because she's going to trash you anyway; she's probably LESS likely to trash you when she knows that the dad WILL stand up for himself and not allow himself to be led around by the nose ring.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:19 am
QUOTE:...actually b/c she got away with so much....it has emboldened her to try more antics, step up the PAS, etc....UNQUOTE
I hear ya! I saw and still see a lot of that with my exe. Once she saw how lax Family Court and the Police were on her she stepped things up. She realized that she was privileged, untouchable, and empowered. The court even encouraged her to pursue other options. This led to more assaults on me, many financial lies and fraud to up her alimony / child support / Day Care / Prepaid College take. And of course endless alienation and visitation obstuction such that my son (whom I raised nearly solo) eventually buckled to her side after 5-6 years....which ended visitation two years ago. Now the child has no Dad, Mom got away with serious DV which needed surgery on me to partially correct, abused the child numerous times, on and on.
A big part of the problem is that by not being neutral or completely out of the picture, the courts and helping trades wind up hurting men and children so that women can do as they please without question or accountability.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Wow...Everything I've read here thus far is everyone's personal opinions, etc. The reality is that whether you have Dead Beat Dads, or Moms.....Both should be responsible when it comes to innocent kids....PERIOD.
The Lifetime Reality Show everyone is talking about, may start with Dead Beat Dads Today. Tomorrow it may be Dead Beat Moms. The next day Abusive Foster Parents. Next Celebrity Parents Break Down. TV is putting it all out there. It's Why is called REALITY SHOWS......Some are scripted - Some are not. Whether Lifetime picked it up, or Fox decided not to do it. In THEE END, both parents should be responsible when it comes to innocent kids....PERIOD.
Look at this scenario:
I was 5 years old when my father left my mom. It was 4 of us at home. My mother told us that our father never once took care of us, EVER, he is a loser, he left us, he hated us and now has another family, etc. etc. etc......My father took all 4 of us on two vacations where he lived with his family and asked that if we ever wanted to come see him or live with him let him know.......My mother cried him being a loser, blah, blah blah, until we were all grown up, all graduated from high school and out on our own........I was the only one that stayed in touch with my dad and would go see him and his family because I never trusted what grown ups said about each other. I was the different one. The one who never listened to what anyone said about another person. I always wanted to know for myself...... My father was diagnosed with a deadly sickness when I was 24 years old.....When I turned 28th my father showed me two box of money orders he sent, all in my mothers names for all 4 of his kids, up until my youngest brother was 17 years old.........He died one week later.
I'm not telling you this story for sympathy. There are parents out here who don't have a clue of what they're doing when they hold the kids back with their stupid tag and war games. I forgave my mother a long time ago, but I loved my father with everything I had no matter what.
People, kids grow up, and no matter the games that parents play with each other, only the strong kids will survive. Kids will turn 18 and will want answers. They will come after the absent parent on their own or simply leave and go as far as they can from their ridiculous parents until they become. Did you get that? Some grow up, forgive, and move on. Some rebel and stay in the system and live a miserable life.
Going BACK to This reality show.......I say thumbs up to Lifetime.......We have reality in every other ridiculous form.........This is a REALITY........Not just for men because women have their days in court as well........the show has to start somewhere........
I'm a single parent to a beautiful 19 year old daughter, who's father was the number one abuser in my life. I was only 17 when I got pregnant. Two years later he started beating me like a dog. I ended up in the hospital more than a dozen times scared to death. Too far from family to cry for help. Too scared to turn him in. When my daughter turned 2 months old I gained, strength, courage, anger, and remembered the words of wisdom from my grandmother and dad. I kicked his butt, called the cops, got him arrested to relocate raising my daughter far, far, away......When I got ready I called him, and slowly got him to develop a relationship between him and his daughter, though he never once sent a penny, or gift...........I had to step away from my anger, and abusive memories........I had to allow my daughter; no matter what I thought of him; to see for herself and know and grow to love or hate her father for herself.........She never knew of the fights or abuse........She still doesn't know...........Again, not a story for sympathy...............
My first story shows where a woman was selfish and the other is about a man who was abusive.........kids are in both stories.......
PARENTS SET THE PACE, BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO SPREAD.....My daughter is a wonderful person today and often thanks me for allowing her to see for herself what her dad is like....She now mentors a lot of her friends as a result of how I raised her and the values I instilled.....PUTTING SHOWS SUCH AS DEAD BEAT DADS SHOULD INSPIRE FOLKS TO DO THE RIGHT THING.....whether it be Moms or Dads...
WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING THE KIDS IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PROBLEMS AND ALLOW THEM TO BE, SO THEY CAN RESPECT AND LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY when they become grown ups.
God Bless You All..........(I'm Not In This By Myself)..........God is a good God for without him I don't know where I'd be.........
GO LIFETIME!!!!!!!!!!.........PUT IT OUT THERE, AND MOTHERS, DON'T GET TOO COMFY.....YOU MAY BE NEXT.......
May 27th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I was 5 years old when my father left my mom. It was 4 of us at home. My mother told us that our father never once took care of us, EVER, he is a loser, he left us, he hated us and now has another family, etc. etc. etc......My father took all 4 of us on two vacations where he lived with his family and asked that if we ever wanted to come see him or live with him let him know.......My mother cried him being a loser, blah, blah blah, until we were all grown up, all graduated from high school and out on our own........I was the only one that stayed in touch with my dad and would go see him and his family because I never trusted what grown ups said about each other. I was the different one. The one who never listened to what anyone said about another person. I always wanted to know for myself...... My father was diagnosed with a deadly sickness when I was 24 years old.....When I turned 28th my father showed me two box of money orders he sent, all in my mothers names for all 4 of his kids, up until my youngest brother was 17 years old.........He died one week later.
I'm not telling you this story for sympathy. There are parents out here who don't have a clue of what they're doing when they hold the kids back with their stupid tag and war games. I forgave my mother a long time ago, but I loved my father with everything I had no matter what.
People, kids grow up, and no matter the games that parents play with each other, only the strong kids will survive. Kids will turn 18 and will want answers. They will come after the absent parent on their own or simply leave and go as far as they can from their ridiculous parents until they become. Did you get that? Some grow up, forgive, and move on. Some rebel and stay in the system and live a miserable life.
PARENTS SET THE PACE, BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO SPREAD.....My daughter is a wonderful person today and often thanks me for allowing her to see for herself what her dad is like....She now mentors a lot of her friends as a result of how I raised her and the values I instilled.....PUTTING SHOWS SUCH AS DEAD BEAT DADS SHOULD INSPIRE FOLKS TO DO THE RIGHT THING.....whether it be Moms or Dads...
WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING THE KIDS IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PROBLEMS AND ALLOW THEM TO BE, SO THEY CAN RESPECT AND LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY when they become grown ups.
God Bless You All..........(I'm Not In This By Myself)..........God is a good God for without him I don't know where I'd be.........