Lifetime TV’s ‘Deadbeat Dads’ Condemned by Fatimah Ali of Philadelphia Daily News Editorial Board
May 26th, 2009 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
Last year we conducted a protest campaign against Fox over its anti-father reality show Bad Dads, and Fox decided to drop the show. Lifetime TV decided to pick it up, and renamed the show Deadbeat Dads. We launched a protest campaign against the Show, and Lifetime has received over 5,000 calls, letters, and faxes from our supporters.
Our protest garnered press attention, including strong support from the editorial board of the Washington Times. We also drew support from the Center for Law and Social Policy (CLASP), which advocates for low income families. To learn more about our campaign, click here.
In 'Deadbeat Dads' an insult to reality (Philadelphia Daily News, Philadelphia Inquirer, 5/26/09), editorial board member Fatimah Ali condemns Lifetime TV's Deadbeat Dads, explaining "Just when I thought TV couldn't sink any lower with some of its toxic programming, yet another new reality show is poised to hit the lineup - Deadbeat Dads on Lifetime...The creators are using the program to exploit what is really a much larger social problem - America's broken families."
On the subject of America's broken families, she writes:
While researching the effects absentee fathers have on their offspring, I came across a publication called "The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man, the Annual Public Costs of Father Absence." Written by professors Stephen Nock and Christopher Einolf, of the University of Virginia and St. Paul University, respectively, their research shows that fatherless households cost U.S. taxpayers $98.9 billion a year. But this is just the tip of the iceberg of the many problems that female-headed households face.
Their findings also show that children of single parents are more likely to do poorly in school and drop out of college and are at greater risk of being incarcerated or on drugs than children who have both parents in the home.
Just a year ago, President Obama caught flak for telling black fathers to take more responsibility for their children during a speech at a Chicago church. With Father's Day just around the corner, I anticipate that his message this year will have a much wider reach than just for African-Americans.
The issue of absentee fathers isn't just a black problem, it's now an American one. And it touches nearly every community and crosses all racial and socio-economic barriers. I also think many women must share some of the blame for deciding that we can go it alone. Ladies, we've screwed up royally and our children are suffering because of it.
Feminists will probably jump all over me, but here's the real deal.
Many of us joined the women's movement decades ago without looking ahead to see what repercussions our actions would have on both our families and the economy. Now, most of us have to work, which leaves our husbands and children angry because no one is at home tending the hearth.
Our choice to be independent of men financially and of the family structure creates a wide range of problems in our children. And many men feel displaced and angry now because women are competing with them at work.
Far too many women are willing to go it alone and risk poverty and instability for shallow reasons of "self-empowerment" rather than trying to work out their marital challenges. Families need both parents in the household - not just economically but also spiritually and morally.
While I certainly believe that women should have and take advantage of all career opportunities open to men, I believe that Ali has a point. Most divorces and separations are initiated by women. While sometimes the women have good reasons, other times they result more from some women's excessively critical, nit-picking nature, which is spurred on by society's asinine, "You Go Girl" encouragement of single motherhood.
To write a Letter to the Editor of the Philadelphia Daily News concerning Deadbeat Dads' an insult to reality, click here.
To write a Letter to the Editor of the Philadelphia Inquirer concerning Deadbeat Dads' an insult to reality, click here.
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May 26th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Reading the comments already posted there makes me realize the Fathers "movement" still has a long way to go.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I think this article is great, but partially misses the point.
Even children of divorce who have frequent contact with both parents fare much better than children who have limited (or non-existent) contact with one parent.
I hate to be complaining about such a rarely pro-dad article, but I would have liked to have seen a comment about angry ex-wives locking dads out of the children's lives with the complicit enabling of family courts.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Ms. Ali reflects the fact that there certainly are women in America who have the wisdom up see through what media and industry have done to explicitly and/or tacitly facilitate the destruction of the family and all of the horrid sequela this has wrought on America.
It is unfortunate that so many women do not seem to have her depth perception.
A large percentage of women in America are sadly, completely suggestible, perhaps not unlike underage children. Which is why, one imagines, they have allowed media, consumer-products companies, the legislatures, lawyers and courts, profit so mightily through the systematic destruction of what women used to hold as dear - their families.
Those same women now so often fail abysmally at raising children, if they even have children, and of course, the vast majority of those who pursued careers, now wait in increasing desperation for a pathway through which to exit the career world.
Funny that do few seem to recognize the large scale deception of their gender through which so much has been taken from so many by such a rancid and I'll-motivated few.
Very sad.
And sad also that a system of economically slaughtering and enslaving the "blamed group" is the only way government could come up with to finance their familicidal purging spree.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
A good article, and like John D., I hate to complain about it. But the issue of absentee fathers is one that was greatly enhanced by the Great Society's "father out of the house" rule -- women were paid to evict fathers from their kids' lives. To ignore that, and other external pressures, is to suggest that there is something inherently wrong with black fathers, which I don't believe.
Moreover, I don't agree with these sentiments that "many men feel displaced and angry now because women are competing with them at work." That's a popular mantra among newspaper feartures writers (E..g.,"Men are adrift since women made them unnecessary . . . . " And "Men's fragile male egos don'twant to see women succeed," etc.) What nonsense. Women are the ones adrift, torn between "having it all" and doing one or the other thing with greater ease. Men are pretty much doing what they've always done.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Our choice to be independent of men financially and of the family structure
Yes, because women were "oppressed" by men in the "oppressive" institution known as marriage which was nothing more that slavery...
May 26th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Some of the low income non custodial parents I have spoken to and seen on television do not even realize how much they are being screwed by the system. They don't know that their civil rights are being trampled under the Bradley Amendment under an abusive Government that treats one class of deptors differently than another. They seem to feel guilty about their situation even when it was through no fault of their own. The fathers I saw on television seemed frusterated but did not know what to say because they did not understand what was happening.
I used to share in the world view myth that any non custodial parent who did not take responsibility for their child was a deadbeat. I experienced a paradigm shift when circumstances beyond my control caused me to fall into arrears. It was then that I discovered what it was like to reach up for help and get kicked in the teeth again and again.
What we need imho is a resource web site that lays out web address, phone numbers and the postal address of where to send complaints to government officials and the media. It could have a letter form page where you simply fill in the blanks and hit send.
If enough of us start complaining to the proper outlets rather than to each other we might be able to break through the ice.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Feminism (man bad, woman good) in the Highest Court of our land.
“I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life,” said Judge Sonia Sotomayor, who is now considered to be near the top of President Obama’s list of potential Supreme Court nominees.
Look past the racial remarks. See the woman "better", man "not" "better" attitude.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/15/us/15judge.html
May 26th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
NE: This article is not about being "independent of men financially and of the family structure" It's not about being oppressed either. As far as "marriage" being oppressive. The institution alone does not have the ability to create, so it can't take on a name which imitates an outcome based on an action. My parents will share their 40th anniversary this year. If you asked either of them, being oppressed is not present in their marriage. They didn't marry out of convenience or cause someone became pregnant. They married out of real love for each other which is the underlying foundation for a strong marriage.
A big problem is lack of knowledge. Men and women are not given instruction books on the opposite sex. So, many who are in relationships have trouble because they don't know how to have one in the first place. If you're just winging it, the outcome doesn't look to promising.And not taking time to find out causes damage to the marriage, and ultimately to the kids, if there are some inside the marriage. So, there's a lot more than feeling as if you're oppressed.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Terri. Judge sotomayer,is a femminist advocated, we found on the NOW organization web that this group.has ask women member to sign a petition for her nomination. I fear that if she will be became the next supreme court judge,all men will find themself in more hardiship than ever.In short, things will get much worst for fathers.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
deadbeat system: i concur with your thoughts up until you say we need a letter and website where all the person has to do is fill in the blanks.
Once again the underlying theme is that you want someone else to type the letter, make the website, spend their money and time (taking away from their family) and put it all in a nice little package where all you have to do is fill in the blanks.
That theme - waiting on others do for you what you can do for yourself - is a major component in the current problems.
Each of you need to get a pen and paper and write your own letter.
The addresses you need to send them to can be found on the web, in your yellow book, or by calling the persons office and asking for their mailing address.
Or, you all can sit and wait for someone to show up with the pen and paper, write the letter for you, have you sign it, and be sure it gets to the correct people and address so YOUR thoughts and complaints are properly heard.
Let's see which option you can make happen the easiest and fastest.
I have made my website, bought my stamps, have pen and paper, wrote my letter, and found the addresses of the people I need to send my concerns to. I did not wait on anyone else to do it for me.
The only thing that will change laws is public input and public outcry that is placed in the face of the leaders, judges, legislators, etc....
What is stopping all of you??
Regards,
Chris Hobbs
www(dot)WhyJudgeLittle(dot)com
May 26th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Sorry Chris but you will not get people to do what you ask. If Glenn had asked his horde to write letters on their own without the prewritten ones I am sure some of his campaigns would have had less of an impact.
Questions you have to ask is how do you get these guys and their family members to actual get out and do something.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Rev. Richard Says:
My 26th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I agree with what you said Rev... I was being sarcastic because ALL we have heard for the last 40 years is how "oppressed" women have been because of marriage and all the other forms of "oppression" inflicted upon women by sexist men. That is why they called it a woman's "liberation" movement, liberating them out of Patriarchical tyranny and "oppression."
May 26th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
With feminists entrenched in the U.S.A. courts, from the Supreme Court down to Family Court, the media is only serving the legislative and political purpose - to identify and shame men who are poor, but with entertainment value.
Producers, male and female, Democrats and Republican, will not ignore to promote the man bad, woman good stereotypes - it is a missed business opportunity. Feminism sells commercial time. There is money to be made imaging dads as the bad guys, and every Hollywood story needs a bad guy.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Quote from article:
"Our choice to be independent of men financially..."
________________________________________
Excuse me? Ha!
I don't know of any women who chose to be independent of men financially. That's the main reason they get married - to be dependent on someone else for their financial security. Sure, they may have a job or career, but that's by choice and for their personal "fulfillment." I know plenty of married women with jobs that contribute nothing to the household budget - it's their (and only their) personal spending money.
Try to kindly suggest using their income to help out results in screams, "That's your job!"
And, when they divorce, is it to be "independent of men financially?" Yeah, right!!
MAJ
May 26th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
one wonders why lifetime hasn't rethunk their position...... perhaps we should ask them when the program "monopolistic mommies" who block visitation is going to premier. oh wait the media, legislatures, social workers and most of all judges/courts don't think that's anything to be concerned about -doesn't fall under the best interests of the child and all....
May 26th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I appreciate her support, but I have 2 issues:
1) "Feminists will probably jump all over me, but here's the real deal."
- How about, "Feminists probably won't like this - but tough crap."
2) "Our choice to be independent of men financially and of the family structure . . ."
- Since when have women been financially 'independent?' I didn't get this news alert.
May 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
"Our choice to be independent of men financially and of the family structure . . ."
The women's movement just can't seem to make any progress in paying, can they? Men pay child support, though he is mostly alienated. Men pay for dinner dates, vacations, homes, wedding rings, weddings, among other things.
I observe that women do not want to be independent of men financially in dating and divorce.
May 26th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
hahh excellent point Terri!
May 26th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
all you Obama supporters out there take a look at Bushes nominee Roberts and compare his judicial background to this feminist and still tell yourself everything is ok . there is most definitely a difference between a conservative and a liberal and it isn't hard to figure what, if your eyes are wide open and your ears are in the go mode.
May 27th, 2009 at 1:29 am
deadbeay system
I'm with you buddy.
"If enough of us start complaining to the proper outlets rather than to each other we might be able to break through the ice."
Done, the ice is gone and this is the reason for the push back. The money makers are holding on by a thread but can not let it show. These people fear you and me seeing progress because it gives hope. The good men will be seen as hero's fighting against all odds for their children. However, the biggest problem (if its a problem) is that women will no long be seen as the family glue afterwards.
All the best
May 27th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Wow...Everything I've read here thus far is everyone's personal opinions, etc. The reality is that whether you have Dead Beat Dads, or Moms.....Both should be responsible when it comes to innocent kids....PERIOD.
The Lifetime Reality Show everyone is talking about, may start with Dead Beat Dads Today. Tomorrow it may be Dead Beat Moms. The next day Abusive Foster Parents. Next Celebrity Parents Break Down. TV is putting it all out there. It's Why is called REALITY SHOWS......Some are scripted - Some are not. Whether Lifetime picked it up, or Fox decided not to do it. In THEE END, both parents should be responsible when it comes to innocent kids....PERIOD.
Look at this scenario:
I was 5 years old when my father left my mom. It was 4 of us at home. My mother told us that our father never once took care of us, EVER, he is a loser, he left us, he hated us and now has another family, etc. etc. etc......My father took all 4 of us on two vacations where he lived with his family and asked that if we ever wanted to come see him or live with him let him know.......My mother cried him being a loser, blah, blah blah, until we were all grown up, all graduated from high school and out on our own........I was the only one that stayed in touch with my dad and would go see him and his family because I never trusted what grown ups said about each other. I was the different one. The one who never listened to what anyone said about another person. I always wanted to know for myself...... My father was diagnosed with a deadly sickness when I was 24 years old.....When I turned 28th my father showed me two box of money orders he sent, all in my mothers names for all 4 of his kids, up until my youngest brother was 17 years old.........He died one week later.
I'm not telling you this story for sympathy. There are parents out here who don't have a clue of what they're doing when they hold the kids back with their stupid tag and war games. I forgave my mother a long time ago, but I loved my father with everything I had no matter what.
People, kids grow up, and no matter the games that parents play with each other, only the strong kids will survive. Kids will turn 18 and will want answers. They will come after the absent parent on their own or simply leave and go as far as they can from their ridiculous parents until they become. Did you get that? Some grow up, forgive, and move on. Some rebel and stay in the system and live a miserable life.
Going BACK to This reality show.......I say thumbs up to Lifetime.......We have reality in every other ridiculous form.........This is a REALITY........Not just for men because women have their days in court as well........the show has to start somewhere........
I'm a single parent to a beautiful 19 year old daughter, who's father was the number one abuser in my life. I was only 17 when I got pregnant. Two years later he started beating me like a dog. I ended up in the hospital more than a dozen times scared to death. Too far from family to cry for help. Too scared to turn him in. When my daughter turned 2 months old I gained, strength, courage, anger, and remembered the words of wisdom from my grandmother and dad. I kicked his butt, called the cops, got him arrested to relocate raising my daughter far, far, away......When I got ready I called him, and slowly got him to develop a relationship between him and his daughter, though he never once sent a penny, or gift...........I had to step away from my anger, and abusive memories........I had to allow my daughter; no matter what I thought of him; to see for herself and know and grow to love or hate her father for herself.........She never knew of the fights or abuse........She still doesn't know...........Again, not a story for sympathy...............
My first story shows where a woman was selfish and the other is about a man who was abusive.........kids are in both stories.......
PARENTS SET THE PACE, BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO SPREAD.....My daughter is a wonderful person today and often thanks me for allowing her to see for herself what her dad is like....She now mentors a lot of her friends as a result of how I raised her and the values I instilled.....PUTTING SHOWS SUCH AS DEAD BEAT DADS SHOULD INSPIRE FOLKS TO DO THE RIGHT THING.....whether it be Moms or Dads...
WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING THE KIDS IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PROBLEMS AND ALLOW THEM TO BE, SO THEY CAN RESPECT AND LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY when they become grown ups.
God Bless You All..........(I'm Not In This By Myself)..........God is a good God for without him I don't know where I'd be.........
GO LIFETIME!!!!!!!!!!.........PUT IT OUT THERE, AND MOTHERS, DON'T GET TOO COMFY.....YOU MAY BE NEXT.......
May 27th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
If the tv networks can sell advertising based on this shows content, then I agree with Lacy - the deadbeat moms, foster parents, etc...are not far from being next.
The decision makers don't care about the content - they only care about making money via advertising. That is all American Idol is for example.
Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.
Wayne-you are right on, what does it take to get people to truly speak out - the only thing I can say is that the people have not suffered enough yet.
But when they do, they will speak out.
History shows this for many walks of people.
Bring on the suffering - I pray I live long enough to that it gets so bad that I witness the streets lined with people demanding the politicians to fix things - but instead, the politicians will be calling out the dogs, fire hoses, and militant police force to strike down the uprising.
You will understand then that the chat rooms and emails and internet won't fix this mess.
It is all like watchin history over and over.
Riots in various countries, Tiananman Square, dogs let loose on blacks during civil rights movement, shooting of students at Kent State, Waco where the ATF posted their Flag over a conquered territory & people such as a country does during war over conquered lands & people like Iwo Jima. It will come back into existence in the USA very soon because of the path of destruction we have allowed our leaders to send us down.
Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.
Or I could be wrong and everything will be just fine on the path we are following.
We'll see........
May 27th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
You are missing the point,Lacy.The criticism of the show stems from the fact that it generalizes ALL men as non-payers of child support,regardless of circumstances or ability to pay.It also denies the existence of deadbeat moms,either custodial or non-custodial.A show that does this should not be celebrated.It is not doing a service to women or children.
May 28th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Chriss Hobbs
Quote: Once again the underlying theme is that you want someone else to type the letter, make the website, spend their money and time (taking away from their family) and put it all in a nice little package where all you have to do is fill in the blanks.
Please do not make assumptions my friend.
I do everything I can and I do write letters and such.
I was just saying that there are people out there who do not know where or how to complain. I would put it all together but I do not have HTML skills and I do not know all of the phone numbers and all of the links. A website that served as a tool for the mens rights movement would be a powerful resource.
What is wrong with keeping things simple.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Here is where to start, write your senator and complain, complain, complain.
http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
May 28th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I just sent this email to Senator Dianne Feinstein
I am a non custodial male parent who has fallen behind on my child support payments through no failt of my own. I got sick and ended up homeless and could not get a downward modification.
I pulled myself up and got a job as a maintenence mechanic but eventually injured my hand at work. I went through the workers compensation system and although my hand has recovered my Dr. put limitations on my work including being a maintenence mechanic. As you well know Arnold Shwarzenager cut vocational rehabilitation in 2005 for injured workers. So I am unemployed and because of the horrible economy and my injury I cannot get a job in a field I am skilled in.
I sought help and ended up in the Regional Occupational Program Class A CDL truck driving program.
Two weeks are left to test at the DMV and child support services has suspended my drivers liscense so that I cannot take the test at the department of motor vehicles. CSS sent me a letter saying it would be suspended on the 29th of June but it was suspended on May 20th without my notification. The suspension was a mistake on CSS part because I am on unemployement and my payments are being garnished. I got a release from CSS but it takes time to clear in the DMV computers. So because of this civil rights violation I might not be able to get my class A liscense and get a job so that I can support my son and my sick mother.
I am not suicidal but I can see why a person would end their life having to deal with a Government that demands payment of child support but then denies that person the opportunity to work and gain an education so that they can pay their dept and better the lives of their children.
Apparently this is a big problem as I am not the only one in my class who is facing this hurdle. Non custodial parents need a hand up not a kick to the teeth when they try to stand up.
Thank you for your consideration.
xxxxx-xxxxxxx