Arianna Huffington Picks Up where Sandra Tsing Loh Left Off
July 9th, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.When last we saw Sandra Tsing Loh, she was writing in The Atlantic Monthly about the wretchedness of her life with two wonderful children whom she dearly loves, and married to a good man with lots of money. Self-described as a woman who doesn't "enjoy" men, Loh advised all and sundry to "avoid marriage."
I'm sure Arianna Huffington agrees. In this piece, she describes the glories of divorce, and in her case, they do indeed seem to be many and varied (Huffington Post, 7/6/09). I don't know if the fact that her ex is worth scads of money has anything to do with Huffington's post-marital bliss, but I suspect it may.
According to her blog post, 12 years after her divorce from Michael, everything is peachy - much better than when they were married. Now, when they vacation together with the kids, neither is picking at the other about trivialities. During dinner, she turns off her cell phone and Blackberry. He tolerates her occasional lateness. The kids love it so much one of them commented that "it's hard to remember you guys are divorced."
Huffington ends by describing her divorce as a "long and arduous journey" and that "we were all the better for having made it." She hopes that "for the sake of the... children" that other divorcing parents take the same journey she and Michael did.
By that I assume she means that she wants divorcing couples to get along and try to make their relationships as good as possible so the kids don't suffer any more than necessary. That's all well and good, but Huffington, while perfectly content to preach divorce to her readers, never seems to see past her own unique situation.
Huffington is rich. By the standards of almost everyone in the world, Huffington is rich. And one of the main problems for divorced and single parents is lack of money. Two people supporting two households is harder than two people supporting one. That shortage of money causes plenty of other problems. Poverty disrupts stability in a number of ways, and stability is what kids thrive on. The poor have trouble living in the same place for long, which means kids change schools a lot. That means they change their friends a lot, change their teachers a lot, etc.
That's not Huffington's problem or her kids'. And speaking of her kids, she doesn't. As is so often the case with these hymns to "the good divorce," the kids are largely read out of the story. Huffington, like Loh, says little about her children. Maybe the kids are fine; I hope so.
But I'd like people like Loh and Huffington to show a little more responsibility about what they write. That would mean they'd need to step outside themselves long enough to notice that, whatever is true of their circumstances, they're likely to be far different from those of most people. Before they too enthusiastically promote divorce, I'd like to see them learn some facts about what happens to most parents and to most kids afterwards.
Sandra and Arianna - you are not the world. You are among the very privileged few. That gives you resources others don't have. That cushions the impacts of a hard world in ways most people can't even imagine, much less rely on. The danger of pieces like yours is that those who lack your means may nevertheless take them to heart. But when the rent comes due for the cashier at Walmart who took your advice, you won't be there to pay it or to advise her on her next step.
Keep that in mind when you write.
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July 9th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I have a hard time understanding Arianna Huffington. She was an ultra conservative until her husband revealed he was bi-sexual and they got divorced. Then... something happened obviously, and she went ultra-liberal.
Don't get me wrong, people change their political views all the time and often for personal reasons. I used to be an ultra-liberal myself (in the classical sense) until I went to college and learned in more detail what I had believed in but what clinched it were the little personal details: Women still expecting men to pay their way even as they were getting special breaks in college for being "victims" of sexism.
But my transformation was one that I was aware of. I KNOW why I changed my beliefs and can explain the reasons for doing so. I don't know of Arianna's reasons for her flip. It's similar to the way Ted Turner went from being an ultra right winger until he met Jane Fonda and then became a hard core marxist (even as he still is a ruthless businessman.)
Anyways, back on topic: Statistics show the upper middle class and ultra wealthy divorce LESS often despite being able to afford it. Perhaps it's because they have less strife and financial worries to begin with.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
...Sean Hannity once asked Huffington what the square footage was of her house. She declined to answer.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
"When last we saw Sandra Tsing Loh, she was writing in The Atlantic Monthly about the wretchedness of her life with two wonderful children whom she dearly loves, and married to a good man with lots of money. Self-described as a woman who doesn't 'enjoy' men, Loh advised all and sundry to 'avoid marriage.' "
"According to [Arianna Huffington's] blog post, 12 years after her divorce from Michael, everything is peachy - much better than when they were married."
So... why exactly should a man want to get married in this day and age???
July 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I have a similar arrangement with my ex, but I would not go on a vacation with her as a family (she asked ... too many boundaries there for me).
I, though, am fully aware that this is not realistic for most people. Most people are not going to have the $$$ to do that, and many people will move on to new relationships that get in the way of having that kind of relationship, too.
I don't really see Arianna in the same way as Loh, though. Loh had an affair, dumped her husband and left her kids. Arianna's husband disclosed a new sexual orientation, which presumably was activated at some point. Those are apples and oranges situations in terms of fault. I read Loh as saying "yeah, it was my 'fault', but, you know, marriage sucks for women, married men are bores and kitchen bitches, and we should all have a french arrangement or female collectives with men coming in for sex and putting up bookshelves". That was frankly outrageous.
Arianna, on the other hand, is trying to make the best of a bad situation. She extols the glories of divorce too much, you are right, Robert. Those "glories" only apply to quite wealthy couples -- in effect she has retained her affectionate friendship with her ex-husband while not having to deal with him sexually, and retaining her independence. Sounds like a good deal. But most couples can't swing that, and she is silly to suggest to them that they can. So while I don't class her in quite the same place as the utter outrageousness of Loh, she's being irresponsible to write that to say the least.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Dave,
To provide some new age wave riding self-centered Entitlement Princess with the oh so en vogue 'I'm so cool' social strata tag... [I'm A Divorced Mom]
Eh?
Gunner Retired
July 9th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I find it hard to disagree with Robert's article, but I'm sure jeana could offer some wonderfully creative opposing viewpoints, so WHERE is she?
As for me, i'm still trying to figure out my new operating system. For instance, which email addresses go with all the passwords i've created? What are cookies? Oh well ....
July 9th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
thank god for a few familiar faces here~!
July 9th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Both Arianna "The Pig" Huffington and her freak of husband represent everything that is wrong with America today.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Um, didn't Michael Huffington come out of the closet a while back?
Not that there's anything wrong with that :-) and not that I loathe Arianna any less, but couldn't that have been a factor in their split?
July 9th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
I think my ex-husband was also bi-sexual. I can't prove it, but there were definite signs. I think he got married because "it was the thing to do" way back when.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
One reason I am sympathetic to gay rights is that I do not feel it is fair for people to have to stay in the closet. In the past, many gays and lesbians hid in the closet by either going into the priesthood or getting married and faking it. It was hard to blame gays for wanting to keep who they were out of the public eye because of the rank discrimination.
I also feel that it is extremely unfair for the non-gay/lesbian partner in a marriage to be used as camoflauge. Marriages where one person is not attracted to the other (this is true for people who marry for money, status, arranged marriages, etc.) are doomed either to fail or suffer from chronic unhappiness. If that person knows that the other person is gay/lesbian then that is one thing but if that person is used then I feel that the unknowing person was used.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
These articles seem to reflect an inability by these women to act responsibly and lead others from a position of understanding and empathy, when they are given resources and privilege -- or power.
Some might even say that this is a common inherent weakness among many females. Whether it is or not, it is an obvious weakness among these two kept female poodles.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Gunner Retired Says:
"To provide some new age wave riding self-centered Entitlement Princess with the oh so en vogue 'I'm so cool' social strata tag... [I'm A Divorced Mom]"
LOL... you know my ex ???
Judging by the latest marriage statistics, I suspect that these silly little entitlement princesses will soon be joining the endangered species list. I think that most of the younger generation of men have seen what these parasites are about and figured out their game. Sigh... if only I had been that smart when I was younger!
July 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I love Arianna Huffington. I highly respect her. She rocks. Sorry she offends the Repubs. And so what if someone has a better time being divorced than being married? You don’t have to be rich to have a decent divorced relationship. It is better for kids to be with parents who get along divorced than who despise each other married. You people act as if you MUST be married or else. And that you must be rich to get along. Au contraire. Actually, the richer you are, the more problems you have. It is unusual for rich people to get along so well divorced. Money always messes people up. Long live Ariana!
July 9th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Gaia the goddess has arrived. Worship services begin in 15 minutes.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:35 am
I wonder how many times Aianna has browbeaten men about their "privilege"?
Pity she is incapable of recognising her own.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:20 am
So Ariana Huffington has a "good" divorce and writes about her personal story, and somehow that's irresponsible? I guess we should only hear about the "bad" divorces, because that's more responsible and representative? Following that logic, we should only read about the stories that further our own personal missions. I won't share my divorce story with you then, because I don't want to upset the apple cart and make people get divorces because they increase the quality of life so much and I might inspire a whole generation of women to do it. Wooo Hooo a failed marriage! Get on the train ladies...
July 10th, 2009 at 5:27 am
In a way, Huffington reminds me of the late Susan Sontag, in the sense that she is someone living in the stratosphere telling us regular people 'how to think about' things...except H. goes a step further and tells us what to do.
For some reason, right now it also brings to mind my egghead psychology professor who could not tie his own shoes (literally).
July 10th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Oh oh, Lisa's back. I was hoping if I was gone long enough she'd have moved on to more suitable things, like being an administrator for feministing.
Divorced already, eh?
July 10th, 2009 at 5:33 am
oh oh, jeana too. Time for another sabbatical already. I suppose if I keep scrolling up , I'll see georgia girl on here too. You guys arent' all using the same computer, are you?
July 10th, 2009 at 5:34 am
I absolutely cannot believe my ESP tonight!!
July 10th, 2009 at 5:36 am
sestamibi,
I was hoping Ariadne would take her husband's place in the closet.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:17 am
The divorced Arianna and hubby probably no longer argue because now he always gives in. Why? Because she has custody.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:33 am
jeana Says:
July 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
"Au contraire. Actually, the richer you are, the more problems you have."
=====================================================
Ahh! jeana I've missed your blind agenda.
If the richer you are the more problems you have why wouldn't people strive to be poor?
People that have been rich and poor say it sucks to be poor.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Hello Jeana! Somehow, I suspect your being "sorry" for Arianna offending Republicans is less than sincere. I find it funny when liberals "apologize" for offending Republicans/conservatives but get angry that, gasp, America is a free speech country where Rush Limbaugh says stuff they disagree with or Ann Coulter speaks on college campuses and sells millions of books...
Okay, back on topic: Arianna's situation is special because her husband disclosed he was bisexual so a divorce was almost necessary in their case. Nobody is denying that divorce can't work out for all parties concerned but, statistically, it's better for the kids for the parents to be married. Regarding being rich not being an advantage, well, you certainly didn't find poverty an attractive trait in the men you dated, did you? You've bragged here that you have a nice suburban home and go on regular vacations (congratulations, you achieved what women in the 1950's had by default!)
"Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
The weekend comes,
My cycle hums,
Ready to race to you.
These days are all,
Happy and Free. (Those Happy Days)
These days are all,
Share them with me. (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue.
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.
Feels so right, it can't be wrong.
Rockin' and rollin' all week long."
July 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I have a lot more respect for 2nd wave feminists than I do for 3rd wave feminists. There are a lot of women Huffington's age that had to overcome obsticles or a lack of opportunities that their daughter's did not have to deal with. Some did better than others. In Huffington's case she married quite well. In fairness, she is also a talent in her own right.
One thing I don't like about Huffington and many of her ilk is that inspite of many of the things she has benefited from due to men, she is not particularly grateful or quick to acknowledge any of them. She always comes accross as some type of aggrieved victim that is very independent. Her success was her's but men who are succesful must have cheated, stolen or victimized some women or minority to have gotten to where they are. Any time women recieve social or Government largess it is because of some "right" or "human right" not chivarly or privlidge. She begrudges men and is very demeaning but seems to get bent out of shape of she is not treated with defference and chivalry.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
David M. Says:
July 10th, 2009 at 9:33 am
jeana Says:
July 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
"Au contraire. Actually, the richer you are, the more problems you have."
=====================================================
Ahh! jeana I've missed your blind agenda.
If the richer you are the more problems you have why wouldn't people strive to be poor?
People that have been rich and poor say it sucks to be poor.
Um why are the libs still waging a "war on poverty" if being poor is great?
Oh wait I know why. You can never give enough; 3 trillion and climbing and THINK of all the phoney baloney gov't jobs the war on poverty is maintaining! See 'the peter principle"
July 10th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
John Boy, I have a quibble with the statement that women of the past didn't have to deal with obstacles women today deal with if only because the same applies to MEN as well.
News flash: Most men and women didn't get Yale degrees handed to them. Lots of men Sotomayer's age came from humble beginnings and, on merit, and working part-time, paid their way through school. In addition, these men were still held to 1950's breadwinner standards the whole way.
In the meantime, women of Arianna's age like today slacked off whenever possible. In addition, many middle and upper class women had it soft that men never did (check out how many women marched around for the obligation to register in selective service.)
For a brief period of time, in the 1960's and 1970's, some feminists (note, not all or even most) made an effort to appear egalitarian in order to lend credibility to the movement. Even today, when someone such as Jeana is confronted they respond: "I have a friend whose sister has a hairdresser who dated a man who earns less than she does! So you see, women are living up to equality!"
I don't buy it.