In Tucson, No Room at the Inn for Homeless Single Dads
October 31st, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.But there's one need most shelters are not even close to meeting."I'm a single dad and I have this baby and we've fallen upon hard times," says Attila Streyar as he holds his toddler daughter, Layla."I needed some help, just to get shelter. There was no place in this town that I could find that takes care of men with children by themselves," Streyar says.
Times are hard. People are out of work and cold weather is just around the corner. In some places, it's arrived. And for homeless people, that makes their already-hard lives all the harder. This article talks about the hardships of the out-of-work and homeless in the Tucson, Arizona area (KOLD, 10/28/09). There, people who have never been homeless before are living in their cars because shelters are bursting at the seams.
But the article raises more than just the usual issues surrounding the fraying social safety net. In Tucson at least, if you're a single father without a home, you're almost certainly out of luck and so is your child. There are lots of shelters in the area, but only one, Primavera Foundation, accepts single men with children. Others will accept a man with children if there's also a woman present, but the rule in all Tucson shelters but one is "No Single Dads Allowed."
It occurred to me to ask why that's the case, so I called Primavera to see if they knew. Their response: "That's a good question." Have they ever had any problem with accepting single fathers? No. They get very few of them, but they've never had a problem.
I spoke with Pastor Danny Hansen, Associate Executive Director of Gospel Rescue Mission in Tucson. His mission has a women's and children's shelter and a men's shelter. If a family with children comes to them for shelter, the mother and child are sent to the women's and children's shelter and the man is housed in the men's shelter. A single mother with a child is housed in the women's and children's shelter, but a single father with a child is simply turned away. Why? Pastor Hansen said "That would not be appropriate."
Further discussion elicited the information that the board of directors of the Gospel Rescue Mission perceived that children in a men's shelter would be in greater danger than children in a women's shelter. Pastor Hansen went on to explain that the Gospel Rescue Mission is considering establishing a family shelter that would accept any parent or parents with children. But if that happens at all, it won't be soon.
The bottom line? If you're a single dad, keep your job and keep your house. If you don't, it's the street for you and your children.
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October 31st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Mr. Franklin, I applaud you for not only writing about this subject, but by taking the initiative to call, speak with and solicit comments from the shelters involved.
This combination of journalism and advocacy is very, very, valuable.
We, the readers and supporters, benefit from your reporting that isn't available anywhere else, and you can be sure that Pastor Hansen will remember that he was called by a father's right's group representative asking about single fathers with children.
Please continue calling and soliciting input from decision makers that affect men's lives. I recognize this requires effort on your part, but it is (in my view) fully worthwhile. Thank you.
October 31st, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Just an FYI for single dads that are facing homelessness. A group called National Family Promise runs a shelter called an "Interfaith Hospitality Network". They are all over the country, and while not the easiest of living arrangements they do take only families. This includes single dads.
October 31st, 2009 at 3:27 pm
tv off, radio off, newspapers out, and MGTOW...
October 31st, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Corporate media must be put to death...and PBS.
October 31st, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Knock Knock is right. There are so many times when bloggers could pick up a phone and don't. You need to, and it served you well here, and thanks.
I think the followup with Reverend Dan would be to ask what federal/state/local funds if any to any project does his church collect for their work? And do those funds allow the grantee such blatant gender discrimination?
October 31st, 2009 at 4:27 pm
And, not coincidentally, failure to provide adequate and appropriate shelter for your child will re sult in having it taken and given to... a woman.
We have resources to give your child to some stranger (a woman) but not to keep your child with you (a man)-
October 31st, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I know it makes a lot of sense!! Duh...We will be put out of our misery soon anyway after the current administration fix all our problems right? Then the women will be looking toward us for protection.....Here's your chance to get back.
October 31st, 2009 at 5:25 pm
"Pastor Hansen said "That would not be appropriate." "
Frankly, his excuse is BS, and the men in the shelter may even benefit from having a child around. We all know kids come out with some funny remarks at times, and their innocence and smiles might just shine a little light in a dim place. I also believe that in general, children bring out the better side of people.
Having been working at the local airport for the last several months, I have come to a conclusion: Men are less afraid of being "silly" than women in the pursuit of entertaining their children. Just yesterday, I watched and smiled as a man pretended that opening his daughter's drink bottle was really hard, to her absolute delight.
October 31st, 2009 at 7:07 pm
"A single mother with a child is housed in the women's and children's shelter, but a single father with a child is simply turned away. Why? Pastor Hansen said "That would not be appropriate."
What an absurd response.
I often went on hiking and hunting trips into the mountains, and more often than not I would end up sharing remote cabins with complete strangers, many of them fathers out with their young sons. Can you imagine a more shocking mixture? Young children living in the same quarters as strange men, weapons everywhere, and sometimes the convergence of too many hunters on the same place would force men to top and tail on the same bed, or sleep on the floor.
This may be a scene out of a city-dwelling feminist's nightmare, but in reality kids thrive in these situations, listening in to the conversation between men, enjoying the atmosphere induced by common necessity, and the indulgence of men's natural kindness to kids. Children are probably safer in these kinds of environments, where many men are looking on, than in any other.
October 31st, 2009 at 8:22 pm
There's a world of difference between homeless men in cities, and strangers camping together in the woods. Have any of you actually slept in a homeless shelter? Homeless people avoid going there when possible... they treat it like a trap. We all know the hysteria around "predatory men" but if you're going to find them, a homeless shelter might be one of the most likely places. Just give single dads access to gender neutral family shelters.
October 31st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Interesting group, Gospel Rescue Mission. In 2001, they withdrew support of Republican Jim Kolbe, because he was gay. http://www.tucsonweekly.com/tucson/shelter-skelter/Content?oid=1069442
When the Pastor Danny Hansen speaks of inappropriate behaviors, maybe he is speaking of his own fears.
October 31st, 2009 at 10:06 pm
When the Pastor Danny Hansen use the word inappropriate It could mean maybe some tough language that could scare the kid or violent behavior I volunteered in a shelter for men and there were times where it would have not been appropriate to have a kid around this man is there to help people in the best way they can but sometimes they can't do that but thanks to
Robert the pastor will take into consideration the request from the family in question
October 31st, 2009 at 11:47 pm
The bottom line? If you're a single dad, keep your job and keep your house. If you don't, it's the street for you and your children.
You got that right... and now you see why almost ALL the homeless are always men!
October 31st, 2009 at 11:49 pm
The men's shelters probably were inappropriate. Unlike women's and family shelters, they're unsanitary ratholes. In NYC, the better men's are converted women's prisons--not good enough for women prisoners but more than adequate for homeless men.
That said, the good pastor could have reserved a small space for men with children in the women's shelter--"Will somebody please think about the children!"--just can't wrap my mind around a "man of the cloth" consigning a toddler to the streets.
November 1st, 2009 at 8:17 am
" A single mother with a child is housed in the women's and children's shelter, but a single father with a child is simply turned away. Why? Pastor Hansen said 'That would not be appropriate.'" What a hypocrite! If we are to follow his thinking, then the fact that he is running a rescue mission is "inappropriate", given that he himself is a man.
November 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
My experience when I had to flee the family home, baby in tow for safety - this after mom admitted in court she had attacked me with a knife:
Call to DV hotline asking for shelter: the operator was very polite, and gave me some referral numbers. When I called those shelter hotlines though, I was either transferred to someone's voicemail (and never called back), put on "infinite hold", or just told "we have no services for men and children".
The Child Protective Services worker assigned to my child's case told me the same thing, verbatim, and added that since I was "middle class", shelter accommodation wasn't really meant for me anyway. Only later did I find out that CPS gives motel vouchers to women and children when the shelters cannot accommodate them.
Thankfully I had some good friends (and some kind people who knew me, but not that well) who provided a few nights on couches and in spare rooms until I could rent a room for baby and me.
I also signed up for a free "single parent room-mate service" Co-abode.com, but after a couple of days received an email from them saying "there must be some mistake here, unless you are applying on behalf of a female friend". I replied with my situation, and their condescending response was "We cannot handle roommate requests from men due to safety concerns". This to a male victim of DV (I doubt it was MY safety they were concerned about!). Also, that same week they completely re-wrote their website replacing "parent" with "mom" and adding an FAQ saying "sorry, no men". Their website remains that way today. They can go to hell for all I care.
Am I bitter? Not really, but one day I'll tell all this to my child, with the hope that it will sound like a bygone era and that gender politics will by then no longer be a factor in protecting victims.
November 1st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
how incredibly sexist. Sorry you had to experience that.
Yes the majority of homeless people are men... and they get the roach infested ratholes while women get free hotel vouchers. Women fall into homelessness because of evil men; men fall into homelessness because they're evil, "so the story goes." Drug treatment and education and housing services for women, the for-profit prison-industrial complex for men.
November 1st, 2009 at 10:22 pm
men are evil and must be punished
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:30 am
Tweesdad,
I feel for you having to through that it really had to suck! Me personally, I would be afraid to call a women’s shelter and ask for help with a child, in fear that my child would be taken away from me! Because the women at the women’s shelter “being the type” might say to me as a man I have no business have a child and being homeless and call the authorities and have my child removed from this evil man! I have heard of worse and stranger things happening. Don’t you think it’s possible?
Sad Dad
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 am
Sad Dad,
At the time I called the shelters I had already been through court and a judge (a ":referee" in fact, if you can believe that title) temporarily placed the child with me. So I wasn't afraid of the shelter people trying to remove my child from me. I didn't think of that possibility, either.
If you're a man, you won't get much help, period. But qualifying men should call the hotlines etc. anyway, just to be counted. The DV industry excuse for denying ALL men their services is that "there is no demand", this after doing all they can to warn men away from even asking for help. That is why reforms need to make the industry not just gender neutral (e.g. "we help victims", with a photo of a woman on the phone), but gender-INCLUSIVE (i.e. "we help men and women who are victims"). Is that too much to ask???
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
This is the organization where I work: Beyond Shelter. www.beyondshelter.org Beyond Shelter is the leading national organization working to end and prevent homelessness for families. If you go to the website and watch the video (right at top of page), you'll see a single dad and his son. Leonard and his son were also featured on the United Way homewalk last year. The majority of homeless parents Beyond Shelter helps are single moms. But every year, there are more and more single dads and even grandparents, aunts and uncles. Shelters that have these types of rules are using very outdated methods, with programs that were found to be ineffective 20 years ago. Others who are excluded from many shelters are pregnant mothers, those with infants, people with disabilities or chronic illnesses - or even married couples (men and women split up as described) and parents with boys over age 10, 11 or 12, depending on the area, program and attitude. People need a place to live, and they need opportunities for recovery from what they have suffered and employment. All caring organizations and communities recognize this. Even worse, you will find that some who "run" shelter programs not only will fight to continue to do as they do and accept no input or feedback, they neither know nor care where people go when their "time is up." This includes little children; sometimes you find no commitment or comprehension that the children should continue to go to school, or that the parents can't find or keep a job while obeying dozens of shelter rules, attending "groups" or meeting strict curfews.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:29 am
I checked into this upon finding that women's shelters were popping up everywhere.
It all has to do with federal funding.
I found that a lot of people are getting quite wealthy from their women's "shelters" and the federal funding they get from it.
They are told if they accept men they will lose their federal funding.
Same as the police departments are told they will lose their federal funding if they arrest females for domestic violence or do not arrest men for domestic violence.
Several police officers have told me that.
If father's rights groups really want to do something they should file suit against these people and hound the politicians until something is done.
I don't see the father's right groups really doing much. Maybe they're on the take also.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:37 am
MOMMA is absolutely correct. All one ever has to do is follow the money - no matter the issue or cause. Check out the VAWA Act and the supporters of it. While certainly a good cause, as with all government programs, it has gone horribly awry with special interest groups. It also unconstitutionally discriminates against a class of people - men. They tried to fix it recently but it still needs a lot of work.
I was told by a friend who runs a local shelter that boys over 12 are not allowed in shelters because of "hormones". Because many of the woman in the shelter have come from abusive relationships, males represent a danger to the woman sheltered there - from 12 years old and up. Women need to be protected physically and sexually. I don't argue with this, But the abuse is from a small portion of men. Wouldn't proper screenig of the boys and men solve this issue? Doesn't the government always use "experts" to tell us about our behavior and how and why we act?
Men's/ Father's rights groups gain no traction because of men, specifically fathers, have been marginialized politically, and to an extent culturally, as being unnecessary. A woman does need a man to conceive (sperm banks), raise a child (day care), provide resources (women make up 50% of the workforce). There is no political gain by elected officials to support men and draconian famiy law. Again - follow the money.
I believe it was Lenin who said "Break up the family and you break down society". How true that is.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:45 am
For one of the few times I am at a total loss for words after reading this story. Males have been marginalized to a walking bank account. If the account is worth nothing, then so is the male. I would dare say we no longer are a civilized people. I have long known that, in America, some people were more equal than others but the rules of a civilized society still existed. The rules no longer exist.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 am
TD said:
"I believe it was Lenin who said "Break up the family and you break down society". How true that is."
This is precisely what I am thinking TD! War is not always fought with guns and bombs. The pen IS mightier than the sword. I believe we are under attack, by bodies of power that we the average public is unaware of. Our society is derailed and the rule books adjusted to demoralize and defeat us, especially men who are reduced to powerless fugitives. Men, who were at one time the back bone of a nation, who fought for and maintained peace and harmony.
Women who men once revered and felt good to treat like ladies have been turned against men and the effect is ravaging a once sound and beautiful nation. The vary fabric of our nation, families, are badly fraying at every corner and every thread. We need to stich this back together, QUICKLY!
You are right about the 12 year old boys not allowed in shelters, EVEN with mom! The real reason is a 12 year old boy is no longer passive and has a mind to absorb what he sees. The excuse that they are violent is preposterous!!! The Women’s Shelter Industry can not afford ANY news of what they do to leak out. For example that they show movies to women and children that men are evil beasts that beat women. It’s outright disgusting propaganda to enable the flow of CASH! Look at these video interviews of what women have to say about their experience in Ontario Women’s Shelters!
http://vimeo.com/864606 , http://vimeo.com/790290 , http://vimeo.com/745927 and this former Parliamentarian Roger Galloway http://vimeo.com/783358 .
Attila
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
It really is so ridiculous. When I was a kid my dad and his best friend Jim would make a cold spot run for beer and this would be one of the highlights of me & Jim's daighter's week. We'd get to stretch out in back of the station wagon and play games. Once there we'd get what they called penny pretzels and a bottle of pop which at that time kids were only given at family reunions & picnics. We'd listen to the stuff the guys would talk about and the jokes. It was kinda like hanging out with dad.
In the winter if the house was too cold I'd snuggle up in a blanket & lay my head on dad's lap even as a tween. He'd put his arm around me to help keep me warm.
Though we weren't even wealthy enough to be considered middle class I always felt like we had all we needed and some to share until mom divorced dad and did everything in her power to alienate us.
When the shelters deny a father & daughter that are homeless they give them a choice of freezing or love. I've been there, done both & I'd definitely choose love. Way too many shelters have become part of the problem instead of the solution.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
not very Christian of them to turn away someone in need.
November 4th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Who would have even thought this would be an issue? Seems the shelters need to get up to speed with the growing number of dads with custody of their kids. Shame on them.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
It's because there is a perception that men will not control their sexual urges around single women. That's problematic on several accounts. Men like other people have self control capability. Maybe it's because all those helping churchmen like having single ladies around...
Keep in mind that if single women are more vulnerable than single men with children that this means there is some social justice to be resolved in the equal opportunities department for women. Women might need some security in their living accommodation but gender based discrimination as the norm is a charge that should irritate anyone. That being said, I've kept in mind that this may not be the only way to look at the facts. Nice article and I hope injustices can be resolved.