In the United Kingdom, a recent poll has revealed some facts about the children of divorce and the divorce process itself that are at once disturbing and completely expected.  This article reports on the the survey conducted as part of the 20th anniversary of the Children's Act of 1989 (Telegraph, 11/16/09).  It polled 4,000 parents and children who reported among other things,

• Tens of thousands of children a year are losing contact with their fathers because of “failing” family court system;
• One in three children whose parents separated or divorced over the last 20 years disclosed that they had lost contact permanently with their father;
• Almost a tenth of children from broken families said the acrimonious process had left them feeling suicidal while others later sought solace in drink, drugs or crime;
• They complained of feeling “isolated” and “used” while parents admitted having used children as “bargaining tools” against each other;
• Lawyers said the study showed that the court system itself was making family break-up more acrimonious with children used as "pawns";
• [The lawyers] warned that so-called “no fault” divorces were encouraging warring parents to channel their “bloodletting” into disputes over contact.

In short, this British poll shows what many advocates for fathers and children have been saying for years - that our divorce system is bad for everyone involved, but mostly for the children who have to endure increased acrimony and the loss of one parent, usually the father.  The poll corroborates what Prof. Edward Kruk of theUniversity of British Columbia has said time and again, notably in this paper and this paper.  Children do better with a father and a mother in their lives; fathers who care for children are more likely to be employed, and less likely to be in jail or on drugs or alcohol than are men without children; mothers of children with an involved father have more time and energy to pursue a career.

Fathers, mothers, children and society are all on the same side in this debate.  All do better when children are raised by both biological parents.  When divorce happens, all do better when conflict is kept to a minimum and parenting afterward is equal or as close to it as possible.

We know these things.  But the gulf between known facts and established public policy is enormous.  Even a casual comparison between what should be and what is, is jaw-dropping.  An intelligent space alien would surely conclude that we are insane and bent on self-destruction.  Come to think of it, the word "insane" crops up time and again in discussions of family law and policy.  As well it should.

Still, articles like the one linked to keep cropping up.  Sincerely concerned adults will not stop trying to make right what has gone so disastrously wrong over the past 40 years.

Thanks to Jeremy for the heads-up.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 19th, 2009 at 9:35 am and is filed under Family Law, Fatherhood, Divorce/Separation/Child Custody. You can trackback from your own site.