John Stossel Defends Divorced Fathers
April 16th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
"In 1985, Lenore Weitzman, then a sociologist at Harvard, published data showing that men prosper after divorce, while women and children suffer terribly. Weitzman’s report was appalling: Men’s standard of living rose 42 percent after divorce, while women’s declined by 73 percent.
"The media couldn’t get enough of this exciting news. Those figures were cited not only in news stories, but in 348 social science articles, 250 law review articles, and 24 appeals court cases...
"Arizona State University psychologist Sanford Braver set out initially to examine the reasons for the shocking data...Braver was surprised to discover that the Weitzman figures were wrong, the result of a mathematical error. Weitzman later admitted she was wrong. She said her computer analyst had made a mistake-a mistake, in this case, heard around the world...The 42 percent better for men, 73 percent worse for women data wasn’t even close."
I was reading John Stossel's Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why Everything You Know is Wrong recently and was pleased to see that he had a nice section on divorced fathers. Stossel counterposes "MYTH: Divorce hurts women much more than men, and many men abandon their kids," with "TRUTH: Both men and women suffer after divorce, and lots of men want to give more to their kids."
John Stossel on Divorced Fathers
(Excerpted from Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why Everything You Know is Wrong)
The media (including men, for psychological reasons involving guilt or other factors best left to Dr. Phil), see men as inviting, politically correct targets. When experts start trumpeting statistics that add up to “men are bad,” reporters listen.
For years, I heard ad things about deadbeat dads. They were living it up, while their ex-wives and children had to scrape by. It’s a recurring story, and the media regurgitates it regularly. It’s also group slander.
In 1985, Lenore Weitzman, then a sociologist at Harvard, published data showing that men prosper after divorce, while women and children suffer terribly. Weitzman’s report was appalling: Men’s standard of living rose 42 percent after divorce, while women’s declined by 73 percent. The media couldn’t get enough of this exciting news. Those figures were cited not only in news stories, but in 348 social science articles, 250 law review articles, and 24 appeals court cases.
Around that time, government officials also reported that Census data showed that about half of the divorced fathers in America didn’t pay child support they owed. The evening newscasts and the papers featured both claims uncritically. The stories fit comfortably into the media’s “save the victim” rut. But get the shovel: The stories didn’t deserve the airtime or the headlines. A little reportorial digging would have burst the sanctimonious bubble.
Digging was finally done, but not by the media. Arizona State University psychologist Sanford Braver set out initially to examine the reasons for the shocking data. Why were those divorced fathers acting so irresponsibly? How could a dad abandon his child?
Braver was surprised to discover that the Weitzman figures were wrong, the result of a mathematical error. Weitzman later admitted she was wrong. She said her computer analyst had made a mistake-a mistake, in this case, heard around the world.
Braver conducted his own study of four hundred divorces, the biggest federally funded study ever done on divorced dads. His findings turned conventional wisdom, and all those media stories, on their heads. The 42 percent better for men, 73 percent worse for women data wasn’t even close. “Our results,” he said, “show that men and women come out almost exactly equally.”
Braver then found that the Census data about deadbeat dads was way off too. The data from questions asked from asked of the custodial parent only. The custodial parent was almost always the mother. “Everything we knew about non-custodial fathers” in the Census report, Braver told me, “we knew from custodial mothers.” Did some of the angry ex-wives lie? Probably, but we don’t know, because the Census workers didn’t bother to ask the fathers!
After my conversation with Braver, I went to Washington to meet with Dan Weinberg, the man who headed up that data collection for the Census Bureau. As often happens to me in Washington, I felt I was in another world:
STOSSEL So the Census worker says, how much in child support payments were you supposed to receive this year? And the woman remembers…
DAN WEINBERG Yes.
STOSSEL I just have a hard time believing that these people, many of whom are angry, are going to give honest answers.
DAN WEINBERG Actually-well, the anger may help them remember what they’re
supposed to receive.
STOSSEL Why not go to the man and ask, is it true?
DAN WEINBERG We would be violating the confidentiality of the custodial mother.
STOSSEL Is there any cross-check?
DAN WEINBERG No. We don’t check any of it.
STOSSEL But wouldn’t they lie just because they’re mad at the man?
DAN WEINBERG People are basically honest.
The spirit of George Washington’s cherry tree lives on along the Potomac. I too cannot tell a lie: The media both distort and oversimplify the issues of custody and child support. That reinforces the myth that many divorced dads never both to see their children-the “runaway dads” so beloved by headline writers.
Some men are every bit as despicable as the media portray them, but Braver’s study showed that the majority of divorced dads do try to see their kids. In many cases, “fathers were impeded in their efforts,” Braver told me. “The mother just simply said, ‘No, you cant’ see your kid.’”
We videotaped one such heartbreaking scene. A divorced father went to see his five kids for what he thought would be a full-day visit. He was entitled to that, under court order, and the court also ordered the mother not to discourage the children from spending time with their father. But she clearly had poisoned his children’s minds against him. The father just stood outside his ex-wife’s house and begged his children, “would you like to go out with me today?” “No,” said one kid after another. Then the mother ordered the kids back into her house.
What comes through on the tape is the unbridled satisfaction of the mother and the helplessness of the father. But that’s not the picture you get from the media. The media automatically cast divorced parents in the roles of villainous father and heroic mother. Many mothers are heroic, but so are many fathers. But a divorced mother as the villain? Heaven forbid! That would stand the world of media victimology on its head.
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April 16th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Working in the field of child advocacy for over 40 years, I feel that these issues of parental involvement after divorce, custory issues, child support, etc. are very disproportionately scrutinized. It all depends upon who is doing the "study." Blame is put on fathers; blame is put on mothers - but the children, the real victims in all these legal ramblings, suffer the most and usually perpetuate this kind of real social problem. How can we teach our children the true values of a "United" States when the very unit of society, the family, is divided by our legal systems? Don't blame the politicians for the problems in our country. Look within our own values to realize that we have raised these politicians, these dead beat dads, these malicious moms, these dysfunctional kids! Give the parents their intrinsic rights to raise their children without the interference of laws that limit the involvement of each parent or favor one parent for no legitimate reason. Spend tax dollars to support the parents in raising their children and working in cooperation to insure their healthy and happy development.
April 16th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
All right. Take away the blame issue. But don't you believe that it will help if we remove the laws that create incentives for family separation? I do not feel a need to blame anyone, but when a successful and productive worker cannot raise their children to be the same, and a false accuser is granted rights to raise the children and take the worker's money in the process, won't victimhood become a dominant perspective? By reforming family law, we can eliminate the race to become the bigger victim, and stop perpetuating the false idea that being a helpless victim with someone else to blame is a viable life goal.
Looking within for good values is wonderful, and can lead us all to be better people, but it cannot save us from having our children taken away and taught the "values" of victimhood. Many people are here on this blog because they have lost access to their children. To allow us to raise responsible children, family law reform would be extremely useful, to say the least. Do you disagree?
April 17th, 2007 at 3:37 am
I'm all too often shocked over journalist's demand that 'journalists are skeptical people.' It is rare to see a journalist who is skeptical about a 'bad man' story. As we can point to one area wherein journalists are clearly not skeptical, then we can say with assurance that there will be other areas. Therefore, journalists are not skeptical people.
We do need to reform family law. We also need to see that there are myriad power blocks who will fight to the death to not-reform family law. Both are true.
More worrying, is that men in general do not want to think we could be hard done by, discriminated against or victimized. There's a huge battle ahead of us if we are to have a good society in which to raise healthy children and one of the heart components of that battle is getting men to stand up for ourselves.
April 18th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Is Weinberg kidding - people are basically honest???? Maybe the IRS should partake in the practice of believing the honest people of this great country. I bet that wouldn't last very long!
Same thing happened to me at the AG's office. My "basically honest" ex lied to them about me owing child support. With out due process the AG's office started taking out back pay. Finally after hiring a lawyer, my "basically honest" ex admitted to the AG's office that she had not been so honest.
What is so wrong with finding out both sides to a story?? If the truth came out then the media would have nothing to report. They love every opportunity to feel sorry for the "basically honest" angry, manipulating mothers.
April 19th, 2007 at 2:12 am
[...] I mentioned recently, I was reading John Stossel's Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the [...]
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:35 am
I went into my divorce telling the truth. My ex did not. I was punished for this.Yes,telling the truth.Now my spousal support and child support are half of what I make. The judge was nice enough to give me more parenting time but I can't afford to see my two little ones.They were taken 2,000 miles away.Reform is just a start. Terminal cleaning is what we need.
October 15th, 2007 at 10:15 am
I am a proud mother of 3 and have two dads who like to visit with their children. I take the blame for everything, so they can enjoy being with their dads. They can see them whenver they like, and my ex-husband calls even at Midnight to pick my son up, and my son is mad at me when I tell him that he needs to sleep. They don't listen to me at all, and my ex-husband doesn't talk to me at all ever since he was ordered to pay back child-support. He only communicates through the children, and it hurts the children. My ex-boyfriend has now a new girlfriend and take smy other son on expensive vacations, and yet only spends time with his girlfriend while my son has to watch them kiss. I am the anchor and the home. My daughter is now old enough to where she sees through the lies and does not want to stay with her dad at all. I am not happy about it, because she is always with me, and I never get a break. The fathers in my life compete with me in terms of money and do not provide to the kids, and when I buy uniforms, they get to buy toys, and of course they like it, esp. since there are no rules over at dad's house. I am totally swamped day in, day out, working full time and not having any peace when the children are gone either, because I worry about their health and safety. My son cried for his dad all weekend, but when he's over there, he gets sick from the cigarettes dad mokes inside, or his dad has to sleep anyway (he works late hours), and my son always returns depressed, aggressive and sick. They do not listen to me because they were taught to disrespect or ignore their mother. There are no rules or boundaries the courts can order. How's that for an angry single mother????
October 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am
I am a proud mother of 3 and have two dads who like to visit with their children. I take the blame for everything, so they can enjoy being with their dads. They can see them whenver they like, and my ex-husband calls even at Midnight to pick my son up, and my son is mad at me when I tell him that he needs to sleep. They don't listen to me at all, and my ex-husband doesn't talk to me at all ever since he was ordered to pay back child-support. He only communicates through the children, and it hurts the children. My ex-boyfriend has now a new girlfriend and takes my youngest son on expensive vacations, and yet only spends time with his girlfriend while my son has to watch them kiss. I only managed to get the scorn of even having two fathers. I am the worn down anchor and the home maker. I have two choices, to keep my kids and get in trouble with tha law or to let them go and lose control over their well-being and mental health. I get to pay for the counselors. My daughter is now old enough to where she sees through the lies and does not want to stay with her dad at all. I am not happy about it, because she is always with me, and I never get a break. The fathers in my life compete with me in terms of money and do not provide to the kids, and when I buy uniforms, they get to buy toys, and of course they like it, esp. since there are no rules over at dad's house. I am totally swamped day in, day out, working full time and not having any peace when the children are gone either, because I worry about their health and safety. My son cried for his dad all weekend, but when he's over there, he gets sick from the cigarettes dad mokes inside, or his dad has to sleep anyway (he works late hours), and my son always returns depressed, aggressive and sick. They do not listen to me because they were taught to disrespect or ignore their mother. There are no rules or boundaries the courts can order. How's that for an angry single mother????
December 4th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
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