A Crucial Point Missed in the Anne Heche/Coleman Laffoon Custody Battle
May 29th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families
As so often happens, the media has missed a crucial aspect of the Anne Heche (pictured)/Coleman Laffoon custody battle. The story below explains that the two are battling over custody of their five-year-old son Homer.
I have no particular knowledge nor opinion of either parent's character or of much else about them. But there is a very important distinction between the two's behavior here, even though the media isn't saying much about it and it's just thrown in here at the end of the story.
Laffoon is asking for joint custody, Heche is asking for sole custody. In other words, Laffoon wants (or at least is willing) to co-parent his kid with Heche. By contrast, Heche wants full control and little or no role for Laffoon. There is a massive moral distinction to be made between the two positions, and the media misleads when it ignores this in favor of clichés about "angry custody battles" and "bitter divorces."
Anne Heche Battles Ex for Son
5/24/07
Jess Boettger
In the latest high profile custody battle, Anne Heche is duking it out with ex-hubby Coleman Laffoon. The couple’s five-year-old son, Homer, is the top prize. The embittered exes have begun to take the Alec Baldwin-Kim Basinger approach to the matter: bashing each other’s credibility as a parent. Heche has flung accusations at Laffoon that he made “heinous false statements” in trying to wrongfully depict her as a bad mother. Laffoon accused his actress ex of leaving their son in the hands of a procession of nannies while she traipsed off to Vancouver, where her new TV show, Men in Trees, films.
In retaliation, the actress has done the only sensible thing: sling mud right back. She accuses her ex of carting the boy off to preschool or dropping him into the hands of nannies and babysitters, so that his busy hands are freed up to take up ping-pong, poker, backgammon, and the occasional internet porn site. She goes so far as to say that her ex-hubby allows the five-year-old boy to join in when he hosts his weekly poker game.
Laffoon filed for divorce on February 2, and is asking for $30,000+ monthly in spousal support and joint custody. Heche is not asking for spousal support if she wins, and demands sole custody.
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May 29th, 2007 at 1:48 am
"There is a massive moral distinction to be made between the two positions". Hear, hear. And it's not merely academically moral, it is an issue of the well-being of the child: one cares, the other doesn't, that makes one an abuser. 'Want to guess which one I think that would be?
May 29th, 2007 at 5:51 am
Anne is seriously "out there" with many instances of calypso craziness. She should have stayed with Ellen.
May 29th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Because of the prevailing divorce attitudes, men are seen as LUCKY if they get joint custody. It is expected and encouraged for women to cut their exes out of their kids lives entirely. No doubt that Heche will get full custody as she is a woman and therefore is naturally better than her partner. Hell, wouldn't it be crazy if Coleman got full custody, no doubt the feminists would be up in arms about it, probably screaming about 'custody to the abusers (men).
May 29th, 2007 at 8:08 am
occasional internet porn site. She goes so far as to say that her ex-hubby allows the five-year-old boy to join in when he hosts his weekly poker game
OMG, a single who enjoys porn! The horror! He's a freak! Obviously totally unsuitable for parenting! And he includes his child into his hobbies! How disgusting! He should abandon all that he does for fun and focus entirely on Boombas and teaching his child about how women are their betters.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:33 am
I don't have much to contribute to this debate, but the name "Homer Laffoon" makes me laugh.
May 29th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Hah! Nice one Matt!
May 29th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Playing poker is a very useful skill... not only could it turn into a profession (better odds of being a professional poker player than a professional ballplayer), but it teaches a lot of lessons about negotiating, risk management, communications, ...
My boys love playing poker!
May 29th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Agree with Matt... tough to ignore the name "Homer Laffoon".
However, point on Glenn!!!!
There is a huge "moral" chasm between the positions of sole custody and shared parenting. The media, courts and legislatures assumptions that the mothers are better parents is such a lazy position. Theoretically it is a neat and tidy solution for the administrative business of divorce, but it has such long term detrimental effects on the children.
In reality the granting of sole custody is the determination of which parent shall be excluded. Instead of granting sole custody to Anne Heche the media should be reporting that Coleman Laffoon is from here on is excluded and marginalized from his child life.
In cases were fathers want to stay involved, the family court establishment as well as the media report these instances euphemistically as a contentious divorce or a bitter divorce. Legislated shared parenting would eliminate this and introduce real responsibility in parenting. We should start calling these initiatives "parental responsibility acts" instead of shared parenting.
Imagine stealing such a term from the pizza box poster crowd.
May 29th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Mr. Laffoon has the benefit of not doing the follow, which Ms. Heche DID DO:
In August 2000, Anne turned up on the doorstep of a stranger's home in a confused state, asking if she could use their shower, obviously on drugs. This incident, which occurred near Fresno, California, coincided with her breakup with Ellen. After which she was briefly hospitalized.
In September 2001, Heche faced Barbara Walters on 20/20, and discussed what she referred to as her 31 years of mental illness. She spoke of her bizarre wandering episode, and claims to have regained her sanity the day of the incident. Prior to then, she believed she had two personalities: the real Anne Heche, and Celestia, who was from another planet and spoke directly to God. Ya think this makes her crazy?
She seems to be sexually confused.
In the scheme of things, he will get custody and she will pay, I hope. She is a serious nutjob.
May 29th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
"There is a massive moral distinction to be made between the two positions, and the media misleads when it ignores this in favor of clichés about "angry custody battles" and "bitter divorces.""
Well said. Perfect.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:00 am
I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a moment. Like Glenn, i have no idea of either parent's particular fitness of either parent. Either or both could be Parent of the Year or a monster. The husband in his own statements has accused Heche of being a bad parent and currently mentally ill (not I said currently, not past). If the other parent accused you of that, wouldn't you want sole custody if only to protect yourself against those types of accusations? It's not saying it's right, by the way.
In either situation, it's the courts that foster this type of mud-slinging. By treating the child no better than a piece of property to be awarded to one parent or the other, they encourage parents to sling the most mud possible at each other. Two other cases come to mind: the Hasselhoff case and the Baldwin. In both of those cases, not only did parents sling mud, but they decided to release the information in order to humiliate and shame the other parent. And in both cases, where the mothers were the ones to benefit, I don't seem to recall the judges sanctioning the mothers for the leak.
This needs to change. Our court system in an advocate system, which in several cases is appropriate in order to let each side present their case. But when you are talking about a child, I would hope the parents would be the mature ones and realize that, whatever your anger towards the other parent, they are the parent of your kid.
May 30th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
It's too easy to say " A pox on both your houses" here, though it kinda fits and I think the saying is gutless anyway ( but a fave of family law judges..go figure ) but the father is clearly the better parent...simply because he spends more time with the kid !!
What got my eye was the internet porn charge from Anne Hetche who works in a porn-industry herself, it's called Hollywood !!
Whatever the case...I think Anne should feel all the love that the family law industry dishes out to men. Let her know what it means to be the breadwinner that gets screwed by suits & robes...all in the best interest of the child-of course !!
May 30th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
To be brutally honest, the sole vs. shared custody battle is obviously influence by money. Don't forget, mommy is the one with lots of dough. This means it becomes difficult to determine each persons true motivations. They should cap child support at some point...in this high income case, say $2k/month. Resolve the custody issue first, and then discuss spousal support.
May 30th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Disagree with DonB. This seems like an argument the establishment would use to justify their existence.
Why are most of the divorces initiated by the women? Why are we only suggesting in this case it is about money? This topic is rarely brought up unless the female is the "monied" spouse. In every other case is it about the responsibility of the father to support the child. It is never framed as a money grab by the mother.
Speaking for myself I just want to parent my children half the time. That is what shared parenting means to me. If this was the law it would be tougher to have the money arguments since it could mostly be formula at that point anyway.
May 20th, 2008 at 4:38 am
I hate Anne Heche so I'm a little biased, but I think a jury should be INSANE if they let a woman like HER be the sole caregive for her little boy.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
[...] Heche's custody battle the media missed a crucial point, as usual. In my blog post A Crucial Point Missed in the Anne Heche/Coleman Laffoon Custody Battle, I explained: Heche & Coleman Laffoon…are battling over custody of their five-year-old [...]