Anne Heche's recently announced divorce/custody settlement with her estranged husband, Coley Laffoon, has some of the marks of the types of custody decisions which I and the fathers' rights movement have often criticized. According to the Entertainment Television story Anne Heche's Hubby Gets Custody, Cash (6/11/07):

"Anne Heche has to pay up, in more ways than one.

"A Los Angeles Superior Court judge awarded the actress' estranged husband, Coley Laffoon, primary physical custody of their five-year-old son, Homer, and an unspecified amount of child support.

"Heche, who's headed back to Vancouver next month to start shooting the second season of Men in Trees, will have alternate weekend visits with the boy.

"A source told E! News, however, that Laffoon—who was originally gunning for $33,000 a month in spousal and child support to maintain the 'marital standard of living' to which he had become accustomed—got 'far below his original demands.'

"The freelance videographer and stay-at-home dad, who filed for divorce in February, petitioned the court in early May for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of Homer, stating in his filing that Heche had 'poor parenting skills' and had exhibited 'bizarre and delusional behavior' that made him wary of leaving Homer in her care.

"Laffoon alleged that he was the one who had created a stable home life for Homer and requested that Heche be required to undergo a psychological evaluation.

"Heche, who went public with her longtime struggle with mental illness in her 2001 memoir Call Me Crazy, fired back, saying that, yes, Laffoon might spend more time at home than she does, but only because she's out earning a living and home is where he could engage in his favorite hobbies—playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating.

"'Coley does stay at home while I am working, but not to parent,' she stated in court documents."

Read the full article here.

I have mixed emotions about the settlement. Below are some of my views, in no particular order:

1) It's nice to see a case where when a court decides to award custody to the primary caregiver and the primary caregiver is a man, they actually give him custody instead of finding some excuse to give it to the woman.

2) Heche has trashed her ex-husband, but at least she hasn't done what some female breadwinners do in order to get custody: pretend the primary caregiving father is violent or abusive, get a restraining order to boot him out of the house, and then win sole custody.

3) I believe in shared parenting, not sole or primary father custody, and I don't like it that Heche will only "have alternate weekend visits with the boy." However, since the couple lived in LA but she's currently working in Vancouver, that may be all that's possible. They had apparently planned that the boy would spend the summer with his mom in Vancouver, since he's not in school, but it's unclear if that is still the plan.

(Late note: TMZ.com is now reporting that "Sources say the judge ruled that the child must reside in Los Angeles. When Anne is in town, physical custody is split 50/50. When she is not in town -- beginning in August, she goes back to Vancouver to shoot her TV show, 'Men in Trees' -- the child will live full-time with Coley and Anne will get visitation every other weekend." If that's really the arrangement, it seems fair enough to me--GS)

4) Heche has a well-documented, admitted history of mental illness, which may or may not have been resolved. I'm for shared custody for fit parents, and Heche may not be one. Laffoon's charges that Heche is mentally unstable could be a custody ploy, but they probably have at least some basis in fact.

5)  I don't know how much money Heche has, but Laffoon's child support demands seem excessive.

6) I don't like it when primary caregiving dads are disparaged by their wives, ex-wives and the media as being lazy ne'er do wells. Laffoon has been staying home and caring for his 5-year-old son--nobody calls stay-at-home moms "lazy." In fact, they're often perceived as victims who have sacrificed their careers and fulfillment for their husbands and their kids. Obviously Laffoon appears to have an easy life because of Heche's money, but that's also true of the wives of wealthy men, and those wives still are usually treated sympathetically.

7) One reason why men hesitate to become their children's primary caregivers is their fear--often quite justified--that once their wives' careers soar past theirs, they will be disparaged as "losers." They also fear--with good reason--that their wives will become angry over the burden of having to be the family's primary breadwinner. Sometimes a woman is content being the primary breadwinner until the day she doesn't like her job, and then all hell breaks loose.

8) Heche says Laffoon's hobbies include "playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating." She says that like it's a bad thing.

9) Heche says Laffoon might spend more time at home than she does, but only because she's out earning a living. That seems a fair complaint, and one often voiced by male breadwinners.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 12th, 2007 at 2:48 pm and is filed under Family Law, Child Support/Child Support Enforcement, Fathers' Rights/Noncustodial parents' rights, Shared Parenting, Marriage, False Accusations, Men and the Media, Sexism, Divorce/Separation/Child Custody, Gender Issues (Misc.), Men, Women and Work, Alimony/Spousal Support, Family Court Reform Movement, Single Fathers, Teen Fathers. You can trackback from your own site.